Human being. A term we often use but we fail to exercise the latter part of the term, being. To me, being means, to breathe, to enjoy, to live, to be at peace, to be open. It is something we do not actively pursue every day. It is not something we think about in order to walk and live in but it is a state of heart and a way of living. Sadly, this is not the narrative for most people and I ask myself continually why this is.
I would imagine that when we were born, we were born pure. No walls built. No coping mechanisms to cope with trauma. No protection from the possibility of pain. We were just being in the purest form of what living could look like. But we were born into a world that is filled with broken people who end up hurting others and we grow up learning what it means to protect ourselves instead of growing up to enjoy community. I think we ought to protect ourselves with healthy boundaries within community, but we can tend to hang on to safety so much so that we isolate ourselves or keep everyone at bay because we do not trust. We think this helps but we were never meant to live life in isolation from community, but we were made for the community.
I grew up loving God and people and I am talking about deeply loving God and people. I soon came to realise that not everyone was as open to vulnerability within community as I was. Truth is, many people were hurt before and so asking them to come near a flame that could potentially burn them is like reawakening a pain that we ought not to bear. But it is important to remember that vulnerability is something that we need to cultivate within our relationships.
It is like the secret glue within communication that brings so much success to relationships. And may I also add that this has been the key to unlocking my deepest friendships to date. I have learned that I am a communicator and that incorporating vulnerability in my relationships are of utmost importance, especially if I view the particular relationship to be long term. However, even to someone who enjoys communication, vulnerability does not come easy. This is because it is an opening of oneself that can sometimes be accompanied by being uncomfortable and hesitant just because we generally do not give people access to these spaces.
There is so much more to community than just gathering around some food and chilling together. To be within community is to do life with people, and we all know how life can get some days. But doing life in community celebrates both spectrums of pain and joy alike and I feel as if we only want people to have access to the joys. But they will never truly appreciate the weight of the joy you carry if you do not allow them into those spaces of pain and sorrow. Not everyone is out to intentionally hurt us or break our trust. Some just don’t know how to do relationship or community. But like my good friend, Lauren, always says, we need to teach people how to love us. Sometimes people hurt out of ignorance and not malice, but we need to be willing to journey together to create healthy two-way relationships.
I remember in Psalm 23 that God prepares a table for us in the presence of our enemies. So often I have heard this scripture being shared but somehow, there is always a focus on the table being prepared in the midst of our enemies and not the table itself. This year the Lord gave me this word as an encouragement for 2021. He started revealing to me that it is at the table where we share pain and joy alike. It is at the table where we are celebrated. No one is invited out of obligation to the table but everyone who is at the table is wanted. There is community at the table and we serve one another at the table. What am I trying to say here? I am saying that as we live life from the table in fellowship with God, we must not forget that there are others seated at the table as welcomed as you are. This is family. We were made for this.
So journeying through your life, who are the people that you can call community? And once you have identified them, can you say that you have opened up to vulnerability to take those relationships deeper? There is so much more, beloved. People are gifts sent to the earth and we ought to explore and cherish those we love and value.
About the author
Rowyn Coetzee is a creative, lover of people, music and laughter. Pursuer of childlikeness and not childishness.
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