It’s the second day of 2023. I feel a prompting in my soul to ‘write’ but I have no idea what to write about, what to say. A couple of years ago, this time of the year, I took a break. I told myself, “It’s the festive season. You’re tired. You’re grieving. You have a lot to figure out. Take a break.” It was sound advice I gave myself. I did neglect to set a date to get back into writing. And that is how all this time passed without me getting back into regular writing.
This, right here, is an act of obedience to Jesus. An act of obedience even when I have no clarity. To be honest, I don’t see the path but such is life, isn’t it? Often, we don’t see the full picture. In fact, many times, we only have a step. This is my step. I’ve felt a prompting in my soul for some time to write, and the purpose is to glorify Jesus. This is all I know. So, here I am with my proverbial pen and paper writing in obedience and waiting for the next step.
There’s the temptation to give in to guilt. I should have done this sooner. I should have done better. Should have. Could have. Would have. Yet this isn’t how Jesus speaks to me. This isn’t how he relates to me. He showers me with grace. He corrects and directs me to the opportunities before me. He’s ever-loving and patient, giving me wisdom and insight just when I need it.
So, I’m learning to do the same with myself and others. I’m learning to shower myself with love and grace even when I miss the mark. I’m leaning into unconditional self-love and patience. I am learning not to hold it against myself when I fall short or miss the mark. I’m excited about what’s ahead. If I’m being honest, I’m also a bit nervous and confused at times. However, I’m mostly excited and very grateful. Thank you, Jesus!
Happy New Year, beloved. Join me as I move onwards and upwards. I’d love the company. Onwards and upwards we go.
Oxford Languages defines ‘questioning’ as the act of asking someone questions, especially in an official context, and showing an interest in learning new things. I don’t know about you but I find that when you talk about ‘questioning’, generally speaking, the definition that pops into many people’s minds first is ‘expressing doubts about the value or truth of something’. Being an inquisitive person, I’m naturally inclined to ask questions or seek information. I enjoy pondering about many things, the big things and the seemingly insignificant things. Today I got to pondering about asking God questions.
I was chatting to someone close to me earlier and they mentioned they were spending time reading the Bible, reflecting, and asking God questions about what He’s directing them to do with their life. As we chatted, it emerged that like me, they had done this before and received a response. Yet they were asking God the same questions again. I was very encouraged to hear that I’m not the only one who does this. I feel like I have been asking God the same questions over and over for years despite receiving a response for many of these questions. It’s easy to start to feel bad for asking.
Also, this person I was chatting to is a very wise and dedicated Christian who I look up to very much. This reaffirmed how normal and natural questioning is. It told me that no matter how mature I become as a Christian, I will still question and I think that is a good thing. There is nothing inherently wrong with questioning. Questioning serves a purpose and I’ve categorised this into five reasons why we question: searching for an answer, seeking reassurance, asking for confirmation, soliciting strength, and expressing doubt.
Searching for an answer
One of the reasons we ask questions is because we have a need – a need for an answer or for some kind of provision. Jesus’ heart is to provide for us, to answer our deepest needs as well as our minor needs. He said, “Therefore I tell you, stop being perpetually uneasy (anxious and worried) about your life, what you shall eat or what you shall drink; or about your body, what you shall put on. Is not life greater [in quality] than food, and the body [far above and more excellent] than clothing? ….But seek (aim at and strive after) first of all His kingdom and His righteousness (His way of doing and being right), and then all these things taken together will be given you besides.”
Often, when we question God, we are actually looking for encouragement. There are many times where I have prayed and have heard an answer from God. Yet because what God has said has not yet manifested, I might ask the same questions again. Perhaps a new development has happened or something I hadn’t considered suddenly comes to light. Worry and even fear may begin to creep in. Asking the same questions sometimes is a response to that worry or fear that threatens me. As a child running to her dad, I ask him to reassure me and He is more than happy to do so.
Asking for confirmation
“Did I hear what I think I heard, Jesus?” “Did you really say what I think you said, God?”
“Was that your voice or was that actually my own?” I can’t tell you how many times I have asked these questions in one form or another. This is typically when I first hear a response from God and I want to test or confirm it to make sure, especially if it is surprising or unusual. Questioning, in this instance, serves the purpose of ensuring that we are aligned with God. James 1:5 states, “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.”
This brings me to the issue of doubt or unbelief. Perhaps God has placed something on your heart and you don’t think it can or will happen. One of the things I struggle with, personally, is believing it can happen for me. When we receive God’s counsel or response, we’re told not to doubt but to believe because doubting causes us to drift and be unanchored. We feel troubled, uneasy, and not at peace. However, when you doubt, I think it is important to remember that Jesus does not judge you. Instead, He shows mercy, grace and compassion. Therefore, you must also show yourself mercy, grace and compassion. You can ask God to help you overcome doubt and free you from it and He will.
Soliciting strength
Let’s imagine that God has confirmed something he’s placed on your heart. You have faith, there’s not a shred of doubt in you. You are confident in Christ. Yet when you are going through it all, it starts to feel like it’s too much for you. Sometimes, we might question God, not because we don’t believe or need confirmation or an answer but because we just need strength to stay the course. When you’re in the midst of a difficult situation, it takes a lot of strength to endure. Challenges can test every aspect of you until you’re exhausted or spent and you may start to ask God some tough questions. There were many times in the past when I knew what I needed to do but I thought I didn’t have it in me to do it or to keep going.
At times, I found myself saying, “It shouldn’t be this difficult if you’re in it, God.” Yet that is exactly the case during those times. I may face so many obstacles and opposition in the course of doing what God has called me to do and they may feel like they’re beyond me. I’ve come to understand that Christ did not promise an easy life. However, he did promise to be with us always and to carry our burdens. In times of difficulty, I have found that I can cry out to God and He rescues me and gives me strength. As a friend of God, you do not have to endure on your own. Jesus gives you the strength to keep going and to overcome.
What are your thoughts and experiences when it comes to questioning?
All at once, the walls crowded in on me You are mine, my hand is ever upon you Closing in from the back and the front I hem you in behind and before From the left and the right they edged in Have I not given you rest on every side? I desperately needed to find an escape I make a way where there seems to be none
Like a thick fog, the darkness crept in To me, the night shines as bright as day It descended on me like a dark cloud I formed you in your mother’s womb The sun couldn’t seem to break through I know you and I know your concerns Desperately I sought to catch some light I am the light, your salvation. Come to me
I made the earth, placing much beauty in it You created me in your wonderous image Yes, I placed my divine beauty within you Come walk with me, I’m here with you I shall match your steps and your direction I, myself, have set eternity within your heart Then that shall be my destination, my destiny Can two walk together, except they be agreed?
Walking in harmony with you is what I yearn Place your trust in me; I’m the anchor that holds Who am I that you show concern for me? I AM the Lord who made and adopted you as mine Truly I am blessed and favoured by the Most High You’re like a tree planted beside a quiet stream I shall bloom and be fruitful where I’m planted You shall never wither, prospering in all you do
About the author
Flo Boora – Jesus follower, lover of life, story teller, adventurer, foodie, natural-born motivator, perpetual learner.
She spoke in a low tone. Her voice sounded rather subdued, not like her usual vibey and bubbly self. I could tell something was wrong even before she told me. She’d been working on an incredible project and was excited about it. Super excited. I’d seen some of her work and she was killing it. The project held a lot of promise and I was proud of my friend. Fast forward to this week when I got a message from her. It seemed she’d hit a snag.
She wasn’t getting the payment and recognition for her hard work and for the results she’d delivered. She’d made good on her end of the bargain and the other party was failing to deliver on theirs. Excuses abounding, they kept pushing her from pillar to post and despite her efforts, the other party seemed to be getting away with not honouring their agreement. Meanwhile, she needed to pay the service providers she’d worked with. “I feel defeated,” she said.
“I’m crying out to God saying, ‘Lord, you’re my father. Where are you when evil men seem to prosper? Where are you to defend the defenceless?’ I wish that I knew someone, someone influential that I could call,” she bemoaned. “I don’t have a contact who can step in, deal with these guys, and then my payment would just come through.” As she spoke, my heart went out to her. I could tell she felt demoralised and was at her wit’s end.
I responded to her voice note, encouraging and empathising with her as best as I could. She’d been planning to put together a testimony but was waiting until she was in a better frame of mind. I get that. I’d have probably done the same. I’d guess that we all probably would. Yet, I think it’s just as powerful, if not more, to testify and give God the glory when we feel dejected, when we don’t feel like doing it, when we haven’t seen the end result yet, when we’re still waiting for a breakthrough. I think that’s what faith is – trusting and glorifying God when we don’t know how it’s going to work out.
I shared this with her and ended off with, “I know it sounds cheesy. I know it sounds corny, but you do know somebody. You know God. Listen, this is the creator of the universe. It doesn’t get more influential than that! I’ve seen him, time and time again, come through when there seemed to be no way out. Yes, he doesn’t always come through for us in the way or the timing that we anticipate but he does always come through.”
She later told me that whilst she was still listening to my voice note, her mum called and told her that God had placed a Bible verse on her heart – Psalm 118:22. She shared that she didn’t know who the verse was intended for but she encouraged my friend to read it and meditate on it then sing a song called “Take All the Glory.” When she got off the phone, she listened to the rest of my voice note and I seemed to be saying the same thing at more or less the same time – the glory belongs to God despite the circumstances.
My friend took that to mean that God was speaking to her, perhaps not in the way she wanted him to respond to her but he was responding nonetheless. She felt much better after that call and voice note. She felt enlightened. Meanwhile, I was encouraged, touched, and inspired by her experience. I still feel grateful and honoured that God partnered with me to minister to my friend, that I could play a small part in helping her in her situation. She does know someone very, very influential indeed 😉, someone willing and able to influence events for the good of those He loves.
I sometimes struggle with forgiveness, more than I care to admit actually. I recently found myself in a space where I needed to forgive myself and it was a real struggle for me. Though I could sense God had already forgiven me, I had all kinds of thoughts about it. I knew to do better and so I thought I should have done better. I also kept getting stuck on how I was to turn it around, make things right. How was I to turn it around 🤔?
Well, because of Jesus, this is something that I didn’t have to worry about or try to figure out or do on my own! If it sounds so simple then that’s because it is that simple. See, Jesus died for us and exchanged his righteousness for our sin, taking on our shortcomings and giving us his right standing with God. That means when I fall short, I don’t have to carry the weight of guilt or shame.
I don’t have to turn it around on my own. I can accept the forgiveness given so freely; I can freely grant forgiveness to others too. I can rely on Christ. This is an area I’m continuing to grow in 🙂 I have noticed that I sometimes still try to rely on my own wisdom, my own ability. For example, I think to myself that I can only forgive or be forgiven when it’s deserved – when amends have been made or remorse has been shown or a change has been demonstrated.
Yet Christ died for us whilst we were still sinners. God does not wait until we’re deserving before he shows us grace and mercy, before he forgives us. It is a gift paid for at a high price and freely given. Be aware that it doesn’t mean we get to squander that gift carelessly though. We don’t act recklessly just because we know we’re already forgiven. It calls for greater responsibility.
Greater responsibility yet it’s a weight off the shoulders. I feel free! I feel renewed! I do not have to carry the burden of guilt and shame. I do not have to rely on my own strength to forgive someone who wrongs me. Do you need forgiveness today? It’s a gift waiting for you to accept. Need to forgive someone? You already have everything you need to do so in Christ. Just ask him and be set free from “un-forgiveness”. 💛🌼
There’s a song I learnt in school which I absolutely love. It’s interesting that I didn’t particularly love this song at the time that I learnt it. In fact, I totally forgot about it until many years later. I’d finally accepted Jesus into my heart and now had a personal and intimate relationship with him.
I was going about my day when God reminded me of this song. The lyrics and the tune to the song popped into my head as clear as day. It wasn’t even Easter time at the time. I was surprised that I remembered it… Well, the first half of it 😄 Surprised but not shocked.
Lyrics to “My Lord He Died for a Kingdom”
I’d come to learn and understand that God speaks to us all the time. This was just one way that I discovered God speaks to me. I remember asking Him why the song? I thought I didn’t get a response at the time. Looking back, I realise it brings a sense of jubilation within me. I’m filled with joy and celebration as I sing it and remember what God has done for me, for you, for humanity, for all creation.
Jesus is a King who gave his life for the citizens of his kingdom. He died to redeem and bring us into this kingdom. Anyway, check out the lyrics to the song. It’s called “My Lord He Died for a Kingdom”. You can also listen to it on this link. I hope you experience the same jubilation, the same revelation, the same encounter with Jesus and more.
Definition: comfort or refreshment; Literal translation: drop
During my pre-school and early primary school years, my family stayed in a small town called Chegutu in Zimbabwe. When I say small town, I’m talking about one main road with a couple of robots (traffic lights) in the entire town, at least when we stayed there. I have fond memories of it like attending Mad Hatter Nursery school which I enjoyed attending. I used to get a few cents pocket money some Fridays and those were my most favourite days. There was this general dealer store that sold these marble sweets. They’d change colour as you sucked them and got closer to the centre. I haven’t been able to find those sweets since unfortunately.
I remember family parties either at our home or at my parent’s friends’ homes. They typically had kids my and my sibling’s age to play with. I remember fruit trees. Most people seemed to have those in their backyards those days. We had banana, citrus, and avocado trees. The best tree by far, in my opinion, was the bird plum tree [nyii] at one of my friend’s house. The tree was huge and fun to climb for us and it yielded so much yummy fruit. I remember when my parents finally allowed me to walk home from school with my friends unaccompanied. I felt like such a big girl and it was a satisfying, proud feeling.
There’s one memory I did not recall at all. A story around a violent thunderstorm that my mum told me about recently. Apparently, it had been extremely hot for a while. The heat was unbearable and there was concern about drought being an agrarian community. We went to church one Sunday and Mr. Garande, one of my dad’s friends prayed for rain; he asked God for “donhodzo”. In typical African fashion, it was long and drawn-out prayer. Mass was running long and the heat in the church was punishing1x. As much as we desperately needed the rain, in that moment many just longed to get home and get to lunch. Needless to stay, that prayer was certainly remembered long after church.
Later that day, the much-needed rain came. It came down in a torrential downpour accompanied by claps of thunder that sounded like they were going to split the sky open. The lightning was blinding. It was a remarkable thunderstorm that seemed to go on forever. While I’m not one to fear thunderstorms, I was not pleased. “Ah! Zvichingobvawo na vaGarande vakumbira donhodzo nhasi,” I commented which means, “Ah! This is all on Mr. Garande who asked for that ‘donhodzo’ earlier.” 😄😄 There’s a take-away in that story somewhere. Be careful what you wish for, right? Be very specific when you pray. God never gives in small or half measures 😀💛
Human being. A term we often use but we fail to exercise the latter part of the term, being. To me, being means, to breathe, to enjoy, to live, to be at peace, to be open. It is something we do not actively pursue every day. It is not something we think about in order to walk and live in but it is a state of heart and a way of living. Sadly, this is not the narrative for most people and I ask myself continually why this is.
I would imagine that when we were born, we were born pure. No walls built. No coping mechanisms to cope with trauma. No protection from the possibility of pain. We were just being in the purest form of what living could look like. But we were born into a world that is filled with broken people who end up hurting others and we grow up learning what it means to protect ourselves instead of growing up to enjoy community. I think we ought to protect ourselves with healthy boundaries within community, but we can tend to hang on to safety so much so that we isolate ourselves or keep everyone at bay because we do not trust. We think this helps but we were never meant to live life in isolation from community, but we were made for the community.
I grew up loving God and people and I am talking about deeply loving God and people. I soon came to realise that not everyone was as open to vulnerability within community as I was. Truth is, many people were hurt before and so asking them to come near a flame that could potentially burn them is like reawakening a pain that we ought not to bear. But it is important to remember that vulnerability is something that we need to cultivate within our relationships.
It is like the secret glue within communication that brings so much success to relationships. And may I also add that this has been the key to unlocking my deepest friendships to date. I have learned that I am a communicator and that incorporating vulnerability in my relationships are of utmost importance, especially if I view the particular relationship to be long term. However, even to someone who enjoys communication, vulnerability does not come easy. This is because it is an opening of oneself that can sometimes be accompanied by being uncomfortable and hesitant just because we generally do not give people access to these spaces.
There is so much more to community than just gathering around some food and chilling together. To be within community is to do life with people, and we all know how life can get some days. But doing life in community celebrates both spectrums of pain and joy alike and I feel as if we only want people to have access to the joys. But they will never truly appreciate the weight of the joy you carry if you do not allow them into those spaces of pain and sorrow. Not everyone is out to intentionally hurt us or break our trust. Some just don’t know how to do relationship or community. But like my good friend, Lauren, always says, we need to teach people how to love us. Sometimes people hurt out of ignorance and not malice, but we need to be willing to journey together to create healthy two-way relationships.
I remember in Psalm 23 that God prepares a table for us in the presence of our enemies. So often I have heard this scripture being shared but somehow, there is always a focus on the table being prepared in the midst of our enemies and not the table itself. This year the Lord gave me this word as an encouragement for 2021. He started revealing to me that it is at the table where we share pain and joy alike. It is at the table where we are celebrated. No one is invited out of obligation to the table but everyone who is at the table is wanted. There is community at the table and we serve one another at the table. What am I trying to say here? I am saying that as we live life from the table in fellowship with God, we must not forget that there are others seated at the table as welcomed as you are. This is family. We were made for this.
So journeying through your life, who are the people that you can call community? And once you have identified them, can you say that you have opened up to vulnerability to take those relationships deeper? There is so much more, beloved. People are gifts sent to the earth and we ought to explore and cherish those we love and value.
About the author
Rowyn Coetzee is a creative, lover of people, music and laughter. Pursuer of childlikeness and not childishness.
iBloom for God 