With greatness and achievement, often comes stature and popularity or renown. And when one is excellent and surpasses all others by a great margin as to be incomparable, a measure of pride is only natural. In fact, a level of arrogance is often expected in such a person. That is why it never ceases to amaze me that the Lord Jesus is humble and tender in heart.
From His birth in a manger for a bed to His life on this Earth to His death on the cross, He chose not to exalt Himself even though if anyone had a right to, it would have been Him. After His death, we hear that the Father “exalted Him to the highest place and gave Him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father”. Yet, even now, pride is not something that can be associated with Him.
I am in reverence and awe of such a heart, such character. What an example?! How is it possible that someone so great, so perfect and possessing the highest level of authority could be humble? Of course, it doesn’t make sense when considered from a human perspective but the kingdom of heaven is unlike any other. In the kingdom of heaven, the one who is least is the greatest. Humility is a virtue to be embraced. A humble person pleases God. He opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble (James 4:6).
I’m sure you’ve heard the adage ‘pride goes before a fall’ in one form or the other. The Bible tells us that “when pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom” (Proverbs 11:2). It’s not always easy to choose humility. It is contrary to how the world works, in general, and that is why it is so surprising to encounter humility especially in a person who has every reason not to be humble. Imagine then, what a powerful testimony it would be that we follow the way of Jesus when we show true humility.
So, I pose the question to you and me – what are some ways we could grow in humility today?
I work from home exclusively and have been doing so for some time. I absolutely love it. It has many advantages like flexibility and zero commuting, but it also has some challenges. One of the main issues I face is occasional technical difficulties. Last week, I found myself in a position where I could not get online using my main internet service provider (ISP) just before my work day started. To compound the issue, my backup option was also out of commission. It was stressful because I knew a number of people were waiting and relying on me to get my work done effectively and on time.
Fortunately, I managed to resolve the issue with my main ISP fairly quickly thanks to my support system (a big shoutout to you, you know who you are). However, I was not so fortunate with my backup. I was very uncomfortable with this scenario because I knew that if anything else happened, I’d have no redundancy to fall back on. “Pray about it,” said that still small voice in my head that I have become so familiar with over the years. Automatically, I started to pray then I paused. I couldn’t continue praying for some reason. I searched my heart and mind, then it came to me. I was struggling with trusting God. And so, I prayed about what I was thinking and feeling instead.
My prayer went something like this: Father God, I want to ask for Your help with my work day today. I am concerned about my internet connectivity and I really want my day to go well. I know that You always answer prayer and that You’re here for me. However, your version of what an answered prayer looks like and mine can sometimes be so different. And so, I am struggling to trust you with my need today because when you say it shall be well, for example, what you mean can be very different from what I am hoping for and expecting. I surrender what I am thinking and feeling to You and ask You to help me with my need as well as trusting You again.
It was a fairly simple but very honest prayer. I immediately felt God respond as I felt a sense of calm, peace and reassurance washed over me. I still wasn’t 100% sure my workday would go the way I hoped, but I was more than confident that God had heard me. He knew my heart and He knew just what I needed. What’s more, God is always good and kind. He considers me and acts out of regard for my well-being. I was reminded that I can always trust in that, in Him. He is dependable even when He doesn’t respond the way I want Him to. That’s not all though. When God requires me to trust me, He also gives me the ability and the strength to do so. When I struggle with my faith, I can ask for help and confidently expect that He won’t turn me away or find fault (James 1:5) Instead, He responds with grace and wisdom.
In case you’re wondering, my workday went very well that day. It ended with me feeling loved, feeling seen, feeling heard, feeling protected and feeling humbled. I have carried that incident with me all week. It has encouraged me and reminded me to trust God like a child trusts her Father who loves her and only wants good things for her. In Jeremiah 29:11, the EasyEnglish version, God says, “I, the Lord, tell you this: I have decided what I will do for you. I have plans to help you to do well. I do not want to hurt you. I want to give you hope for a good life in the future.” The NIV puts it this way:
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
If this has encouraged you, don’t keep it to yourself. Please share it and help to encourage someone else today.
It came to my attention recently that there may be something going on with my credit record, potentially an incorrect entry or something. While I do not intend to get any credit, I do want a clean record. So, I am trying to rectify the issue, but to do that, I need more information first and that has been proving to be a challenge. Something as simple as getting my record has been like pulling teeth. I have tried a few times and hit a different snag each time.
This morning, after attempting once again to get the information I need and getting nowhere, I started to feel very frustrated. I thought, “Why is this happening!” Then a sense of dread started creeping in and before I knew it, I was feeling sick to my stomach. It wasn’t because of anything tangible, just a strong feeling of uncertainty and worry. I felt a sense of fear and my stomach was churning. I immediately recognised that feeling. I have suffered from anxiety in the past and I can tell when I am starting to get anxious. My mind goes into overdrive and left unchecked, can begin to create all kinds of not-so-good scenarios.
Now, we can agree that that’s not good. The Bible tells us that Jesus came to give us life and life in abundance (John 10:10). It is God’s heart that we should have peace and that “the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard our hearts and our minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:7). God has given us His Spirit (John 14:16)who is an advocate, a helper and a faithful companion in all things and at all times. Through His help, we can embody these qualities which are the fruits of the Spirit in our daily lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23).
When I started to feel anxious and I couldn’t shake it off, I began to reflect on some Biblical truths and found ways, in the moment, to apply them. God has given me victory over depression and anxiety, and has caused me to walk in freedom from anxiety. That’s a story for another day. For today, here are five things that helped me immediately:
1. Practice Gratitude
I was having a cup of tea as I was sending some emails about my issue when I became aware of just how good a cup of tea I had in my hand. “Thank you, Lord, for this delicious tea. It is amazing. Your provision is not lost on me.” It was a simple and effortless expression but I immediately felt so much better. It shifted my focus to God, His goodness, His provision and His presence. I couldn’t help but smile. I started to thank God for other things, delighting in finding reasons to do so. In my moment of frustration, as I was struggling to find words to pray about what was bothering me, I focused on God’s heart for me and His character. It made me more acutely aware that Jesus is with me all the time. He has me and whatever I am facing in the palm of his hands.
2. Worship and Praise
Worshiping God can be like a soothing balm to the soul. We were made to have companionship with God and to glorify Him. Praise and worship ushers in God’s presence and we were designed to enjoy being in God’s presence. When I sing unto God, I feel an unmatched sense of coming home – arriving at the place where I belong, where I find rest, where I am safe and my beloved Love is. God is our friend and our Father, and worshipping Him can not only calm us and draw us closer to Him, it shifts our perspective, what’s happening internally. It also has the power to shift what’s happening externally. God delights when we call out to Him and He responds (Psalm 18:6). It is what we’re meant to do, not remain silent or try to do it without God’s help. (Psalm 14:4, 1 Samuel 12:23, Luke 18:1).
3. Surrender all to God
“Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.” – Psalm 55:22 NIV. God wants us to bring everything to Him, our joys and sorrows, our victories and our failures, our hopes and our dreams, our plans and lack thereof. He wants us to talk to him, to share what’s on my minds, to give to him what bothers us and then be convinced that once we do, He makes a provision and we do not need to worry anymore. This is seldom an easy thing, but I always say, “Just because it is difficult, it does not mean it cannot be done.” Moreover, God is kind enough to give us the strength to do the things we cannot do.
“My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me." 2 Corinthians 12:9 NLT
4. Focus on What’s in Your Control
Quite often, when I feel anxious, it is because I feel a loss of control. Perhaps I want or expect things to turn out a certain way; I’ve made plans and preparations; I’ve put in the effort; I’ve done all that I can and beyond then… A big fat nothing. At times in life, it can feel like all your best efforts amount to naught and it can be unsatisfying or heart-breaking. I have learnt and am still learning to let go. It is helpful to have a sense of awareness of what God is calling me to carry, i.e., what I have the ability and grace [from God] to do. Anything more than that can steal my joy and peace. In the case of my credit record, I called, I sent emails, and I did all I could humanly do. I prayed as I did it and chose to trust God that He’d make a way. The scenarios running through my head were not real or helpful so I rejected them and waited to see what would happen, what God would do. What a turnaround that was for me! The rest of the day went better than I could have hoped.
5. Ask for Support
Last, but not least, we’re also designed to walk in fellowship, in community, in relationship with others. I believe in my heart that God saved and healed me from depression and anxiety, but I have also witnessed how the enemy will attempt to attach what I’ve been freed from back onto me. It was a part of my way of life for so long, so much so that it was like a part of my identity. Even as I write this, my heart goes out to the one reading or hearing this who is still struggling with depression and anxiety. My prayers are with you; I pray that Godspeed healing and freedom in whatever form He wills for you.
With that in mind, I asked a couple of close and trusted friends and family to pray with me. This was especially helpful because, at first, for some reason, I was struggling to pray. Yet prayer is important. Prayer draws me closer to God and unlocks His blessings. It is how I stand firm, hold onto my peace and step into what God has already granted me (Exodus 14:13 -14). Only after thanking God for many unrelated things, worshipping Him and trusting that those who love me including Jesus Himself were interceding on my behalf was I able to see past myself and prayer could flow from my heart. Beloved, hold on to God and to your faith. When you struggle with that, reach out to your community, reach out to Jesus and ask for help.
When we think of waiting, we automatically think of idleness, inaction, lack of movement and consequently, lack of productivity. That sounds like a whole lot of lack or a lot of nothing, if you ask me. Nobody wants that, right?! I don’t know about you, but these are some of the ideas and attitudes that get in the way when it comes to me waiting on God. It’s not an easy thing to do, yet it is a very important Biblical concept.
I grew up with a mum who took her relationship with Jesus very seriously. I learnt a lot about walking with God from watching how she lived her life. So, I was introduced, indirectly, to the concept of waiting on God by her . Let me tell you, not only did I not understand it, it drove me nuts! For example, when it was decision time, especially the more important life-altering decisions, she would say let’s pray then wait and see. See what?! As far as I was concerned, that wasn’t how decisions were made.
You gathered information, weighed the pros and cons, perhaps asked for advice though not so much that you would drown in other people’s opinions then picked the best possible option just like she and my dad had taught us. I did not understand this seemingly redundant step of ‘waiting on God’. Decades later, when I accepted Christ into my life, I slowly began to understand her – slowly being the operative word. Though I still find waiting on God challenging at times, it’s easier than it was in the past. There’s an unequivocal trust in God that I now enjoy that I didn’t before.
Impatience, desire for control, doubt and sometimes just plain curiosity would have me running back to Jesus again and again. “Lord, it’s me again. Remember that thing we spoke about some moments ago. I really want to know your thoughts. I am asking for these very good and specific reasons. Do you have an answer for me yet? No, not even a clue?! Okay, I’ll check back in shortly. If you will, could you let me know by this time pretty please. Thank you, God!” 😄 Isn’t it wonderful that God doesn’t get impatient with us?!
At other times, I would pray about something concerning my family or friends or myself or some kind of issue. After praying, I would feel peace in my heart or sense God saying, “It is well,” or “It is done.” Yet, I would still fret because I wanted specifics or I would agonize over timelines. I wanted signs and confirmation. I wanted reassurance all the time. Through it all, God was ever patient and loving as He taught and corrected me. Over the years, I have had many chances to learn how to wait on the Lord as I have matured in my walk with the Lord. Here are a few of the things I’ve learnt.
Wait Actively
Waiting on God isn’t a passive effort. It is not simply delaying a decision or an action until such a time when it is right. It involves actively seeking God: spending time with Jesus; asking Him the tough questions you may be grappling with; intently searching out God’s heart and plans for you; and worshipping Him through it all. God remains good, unchanging, sovereign and faithful regardless of the season we’re in or what we’re facing so waiting on Him means acknowledging Him and submitting to His timing and design for us.
Rely on the Word
The Bible is full of wisdom and practical life lessons. Not only that, it is the Word of God, so it is like God speaking directly to us. From it, we can learn God’s thoughts, His character, His heart, His ways, His power, His designs for us and more.
For the word of God is living and active and full of power [making it operative, energizing, and effective]. It is sharper than any two-edged sword, penetrating as far as the division of the soul and spirit [the completeness of a person], and of both joints and marrow [the deepest parts of our nature], exposing and judging the very thoughts and intentions of the heart Hebrews 4:12 AMP.
Reading what God says in the Bible and putting it into practice is a good way to wait. If ever I am unsure of what to do, that’s the first place to turn to. When I want to make sure that my plans, my decision, my actions or my life are pleasing to my Heavenly Dad, I check to see that they are aligned with scripture. When I need to talk to God and words fail me, the Bible helps with that too.
Step out in Faith
I remember that when I first got saved, I used to want God to ratify pretty much every decision. I loved it. As I got ready in the morning, I’d ask Him which outfit He thought I should wear. When I made plans for the weekend, I would ask what He thought I should do and with whom I should spend my time. I would be so delighted when He responded. It was a great way to build intimacy with and trust in Him. However, when I didn’t receive that seal of approval I yearned for, I’d become a little paralysed in my decision-making.
I wanted a specific yes or no or wait. Then a mature lady advised me that when my plans are aligned with God’s Word and God is silent when I ask Him about them, perhaps that’s an invitation to step out in faith and act. Ultimately, walking with God is about relationship. God is not some tyrannical overlord who does not leave room for our hopes or opinions or desires. On the contrary, He wants us to live in joy and peace; He wants to bless us. At times like that, it’s okay to take a leap of faith and trust that God has got your back.
Know His Voice
Jesus has also taught me He is the Good Shepherd who guides, leads and protects me and it is for me to trust and follow Him. He says, “My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.” (John 10:27 NIV) That means it’s important to know and recognise His voice when He speaks then follow and obey what He says. Take time to know God’s voice intimately and recognise it from all other voices – yours, other people’s, and the enemy Satan.
Be Content in Christ
Many times, we ask for something and we do not get it. You pray for a sick loved one but they get worse and then pass away. You believe for a job opportunity that could change your life and would be the answer to many of your challenges but you get passed over for it. You’re in a challenging relationship and trust God to turn it around but things keep getting worse. When I have been faced with such challenging events, I have learnt that Christ Himself is the answer for me.
When things stop making sense, He still is my portion and my inheritance. He still is Healer, Provider, Protector, and Vindicator. While that may not minimise or remove what I am facing, He gives me the grace and strength to face and go through it. What’s more, I have hope for the future in Him.
Believe Him
Lastly, I have learnt that when God says He will do something, it is done. While I wait for it to manifest, I can find joy in worshipping Him. I can also be encouraged by what He said, finding peace while I wait. For example, I was looking at my grandmother’s photo on my bedside, thinking of her and admiring her beautiful smile one time. I had visited her and wasn’t sure when I would be able to visit again. See, she is advanced in years, so every moment I get to spend with her is very special. It could very well be the last. I remember thinking, “I hope to see that beautiful smile again,” and God immediately said, “You shall see it again.”
I didn’t even question it. In my heart of hearts, I was persuaded beyond a shadow of doubt that I would. It was an answer to a prayer I hadn’t even consciously prayed. It was an Isaiah 65:24 moment – before they call, I will answer; while they are still speaking, I will hear. I have seen my gran many times since. More than I would have dreamed or dared to ask.
As we speak, I am in another season of waiting. Actually, being a Christian involves a lot of waiting on God, in my humble opinion, and these reminders have been helpful and uplifting. I am encouraged as I continue to watch and wait to see what God will say and do. I hope you’ll find them uplifting and encouraging too.
I felt the slip and heard the crash almost simultaneously. Glass shattered and fell on the counter before me. Some fell on the floor at my feet. My tea canister smashed on an ordinary day in May of 2022. I’d gone to put it back in its place a little too quickly. It slipped from my hand and crashed on the kitchen counter. Annoyance and sorrow rose up in me. Annoyance because I felt like I could have been more careful with it. Sorrow because I liked my tea canister and now it was gone, shattered, one more thing in a string of things I’d lost lately.
Turning over the canister, I assessed the damage. My tea bags were still intact and unspoiled, thank God! I do love my tea… and coffee. Part of the bottom of the tea canister was obliterated. The rest of the canister was surprisingly still in good shape. Annoyance and sorrow. To me, that seemed like a very strong emotional response to a broken tea canister. A little disappointment perhaps but sorrow?! Frustration?! Why was I grieving like this over a tea canister? Then, I realised it was because I’d lost a lot lately and began to recount the losses that made me feel sad.
I lost a set of face masks that I loved. They were soft, slick, fashionable and most importantly, breathable. They fell out of my bag, unnoticed. A comfortable pillow that contoured my face just the way I like got lost during a recent relocation. An old notebook that contained vital information I needed got taken out with the trash because I threw it away before I realized what was in it. As I considered these losses, I thought to myself, yes, they were losses for sure, but did they warrant the strong emotional response I was experiencing?
It was then that it hit me! I was living in an internal reality where I felt like nothing in my life lasts. As I was cleaning the shattered glass, I caught myself telling myself, “Don’t be sad. This world is passing away anyway. That’s how it is.” What I saying to myself was that nothing lasts so I should not be surprised nor take it so hard when I lose something or face change. I also realized that this world view, this internal reality, was birthed out of painful and bigger losses – a job loss, the loss of a beloved daughter, the disappearance of financial security, the passing of my dear dad.
I’ve overcome the loss of friends, of love, of investments, of happiness. I’ve faced it with God and He has brought me through to the other side again and again, but I do not remain untouched. Each time I emerge, I’m not quite the same person as before. I’m stronger, richer, more grounded, and refined. Yet, unnoticed, this idea that nothing in my life lasts has taken root. The idea of losing one more person that I love or one more thing that I enjoy or value confronts me and threatens my joy and sense of security.
But God…
Recently, during a time of prayer and fasting, I was reminded of God’s promise of restoration and protection (Psalm 34, Psalm 91). God promises to give beauty for ashes (Isaiah 61:3), joy for sorrow (Jeremiah 31:13) and to pay back all the years (Joel 2:25-27) that the locusts have eaten i.e. that hardships and misfortune have plundered His children. I remind myself of these promises and hold onto Him who loves me and made those promises out of love. It is not inaccurate to say that this world is passing away. If there is one guarantee that anyone has in this life, it is change. But we can hold onto His promises and unfailing love. He, alone, is unchanging and permanent.
I don’t have to worry about or grieve the impermanence of this world or walk around dreading when the next shoe will drop and neither do you. Change doesn’t have to be fear-inducing. We do not need to become morbid and worry about potential loss which is a natural part of life on Earth. As that old advertising adage goes, “But wait, there is more.” Jesus is the more. He is everlasting, ever-present, all-powerful, faithful and generous.
God always fulfils his promises! I personally believe I shall see them come true and experience his blessing and goodness even in this passing world. The world may be fleeting but God is not! And in Christ, neither am I! His joy and peace and hope and love are everlasting. I hope to have a full life in this world but I do not hold onto it. I hold on to my Father and His promises and that’s enough for me. That certainly brought me comfort that morning when my tea canister broke.
“The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel” (which means “God with us”). Matthew 1:23 NIV
My dad, may he continue to rest in peace, was very much a present father. He was around for the big moments as well as the little ones. He was there to advise, to guide and watch over his own as best as he could. I’ll always remember that fondly, with gratitude, in my heart.
One such moment was when I went to apply for my national ID card. I could very well have done it by myself, but he chose to accompany me to the government offices, contend with the long queues that inevitably come with such places, and hold my hand through it all simply because he could and he wanted to. We stood for what seemed like an eternity in the queue outside the offices until, finally, we made it into the building.
Inside, there was more queueing, but at least this time, there were benches to sit on. Mindful of me, he chose to continue standing instead so I could have a seat. I headed to the seat, and just as I was about to sit, this older gentleman rushed up and sat in the seat my dad had made sure to reserve for me. I was annoyed but I remembered my manners. “Excuse me,” I said, trying to get his attention politely and meekly.
I was ignored. I decided to leave it alone. After all, standing never hurt anybody. Unbeknownst to me, my dad had witnessed the whole thing because he had been standing nearby, a little to the side. “Excuse me,” he said and merely pointed to the bench. “Oh, would you like to sit?” the gentleman quickly and politely responded. “No,” daddy said, now pointing to me, “that’s my daughter.”
The man quickly caught on that he was being called out for what he had just done. My dad did not have to explain further or make a fuss. His authority as an adult and an older man in the patriarchal and hierarchical society I was born into was more than enough. The man apologised and made room for me to sit. I thanked him, sat down, and life went on as it should have to begin with.
That incident jumped at me just now as I was praying about my faith, life, and intimacy with God and His response, as it has been many times, especially lately was, “I am with you.” I have been praying for a deeper and more personal revelation and understanding of what that means. I believe that if I understood that fact a lot better, then some of the fears and worries I face in my day-to-day life wouldn’t exist, or at least they would lose their power over me. I feel that if I understood the implications of God’s presence in a deeply personal and radical way, it would unlock a potential in my spiritual walk I have not attained yet.
So, it is in this context that this story came to mind. I’ve heard that our relationship with our earthy fathers, be they biological or otherwise, can be a blueprint for our relationship with our Heavenly Father, and I’ll have to agree. This incident at the ID issuing office is a case in point. Sometimes, the enemy of our souls attacks us, seeking to gain territory that God has reserved for us. The enemy tries to steal what God has for us right from under us. Yet God will not allow it. As a good and present father who watches over us, He steps in. Just staking His claim on us as His children who belong solely to Him is enough to cause the enemy to fall back and release what is ours.
At other times, circumstances or other people’s actions unseat us. On other occasions, we give up our territory. Perhaps we respond with timidity or make excuses. But God sees it all and fights for us. He responds with grace and justice. He tips the scales in our favour. He does not allow us to be bullied, nor does He allow us to shrink back from our destiny in Him. With authority, He steps in on our behalf because we are His. God, being omnipotent, has the highest authority. No power can stand against Him, and if he is for us, no power can stand against us (Romans 8:31).
The cry of my heart is, “Lord, reveal what it truly means when you say you’re with me.” To me, this memory was a reminder, a glimpse of what it means when God says He is with us. What does “God with us” mean to you? What has God taught you and revealed about this aspect of His? Please share. I would love to hear your thoughts or experiences. Perhaps you have the same desire to know more intimately what the implications of God being with us really are. Stay tuned as I will share what God places on my heart as I continue to believe for that revelation.
May God take you deeper and reveal things you do not know. He says, “Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.” Jeremiah 33:3 NIV
Prayer: Dear Lord Jesus, I thank you that you are ‘Immanuel, Lord with us’. You are my indwelling help and strength through every season of my life. I ask you today for a deep and personal revelation of You. Shine your face upon me and reveal more of your character, your ways and your power. I want to have intimate communion with you and understand more fully what your presence in my life means and looks like practically each day. All glory and praise, dominion and power, honour and strength belong to you. I worship You as Lord of my life and give you thanks. I wait on you with expectant hope as you reveal more of the great and unsearchable things I do not know. Hallelujah and amen
I’m sitting close to the front like I always do, listening to the minister preaching. Today, he’s talking about idols – the things we hold near and dear. The things that can take the place of God.
I listen to him talk about vices, the things that spring to mind first when we think about idolatry. The things that feed our greed or fears or desires so easily. Then he starts talking about the second type of things we idolise, the things that are not as intuitive. He talks about exercise, careers, being a good friend, family, and even worship or ministry. The things that are considered good and even glorify Him, but we have the tendency to make them about us or try to receive from them what we should be receiving from God alone.
In any case, now I’m super attentive, and the message is resonating with me. For example, I find it so easy to get caught up in worship songs as they comfort me, minister to my soul and form part of my day-to-day life. It can be problematic if they start to provide meaning in and of themselves as opposed to drawing me closer to God or worshipping Him. Sometimes, we forget we are lifting up Jesus and honouring Him. It’s about the tune, the melody, the lyrics, the joy of singing, the memories it evokes, and perhaps not as much about Jesus as it should be. Exercise is another big one for me. I confess that I find it a lot easier at times to commit and wake up early for a hike or a morning workout than for Bible reading or time with God.
What about the countless times I’ve cared more about a loved one’s opinion than God’s. It’s ever so subtle, like consulting them first before praying and feeling like you’ve gotten all the counsel you need and you never get to talk to God about it. So now, my interest was piqued as the pastor spoke. Towards the end of the sermon, he asked everyone to consider what they’ve been idolising, especially the subtle and virtuous things we don’t realise we put before God. Is it a spouse? Is it friendship? Is It work? Is it being a worship leader? Is it being a minister? Is it a child? And there it was…
“Okay, Father Dad, I am giving her to you. I still hope and pray you’ll bring miraculous healing but she is yours. I surrender her to you.”
God spoke to me in that moment and brought the baby I was carrying to mind. She was suffering from a fatal disease in utero, but up till then, I had been praying and believing for a miracle. It was towards the end of the pregnancy, just over a month to go. And clear as day, I heard my Heavenly Father say to me, “Give her to me.” Still, quiet, gentle but unmistakable. “Give her to me.” I was shocked. I turned it this way and that way in my head. I stored it in my heart and wrestled with it all the way home, but by the time I arrived home, I had a response. “Okay, Father Dad, I am giving her to you. I still hope and pray you’ll bring miraculous healing but she is yours. I surrender her to you.”
Funny that, isn’t it? She was already His. Entrusted to me for a time but, ultimately, she was already His and here I was, wrestling to give back what wasn’t mine to begin with. A week later, I was in hospital, water broken. She was coming! The week had been the hardest week. I was sad. I was depressed. I just knew in my soul that I wouldn’t get to keep her. Though I had willingly given my daughter to her Heavenly Father, it hurt like nothing I had ever experienced before or since. Another week passed and she was born on a surreal Friday and went home to heaven to be with her Heavenly Father. I told her we would see each other again and sing a thousand hallelujahs on the other side of the veil.
I would like to believe she was a worshipper of note. She always moved a lot during praise and worship in church or when I was upset. That may seem like nothing but not for her. Because of her condition, she couldn’t and didn’t move much. I believe she was such an empath and she loved to praise her Father. Many, many years have passed since that Friday, since that promise. Today, I was reminded of it because of a TV show – someone going through my story, right down to the baptism of her baby soon after birth before the baby passed.
A couple of things stood out to me. Though my eyes welt up with tears a little bit, there was no pain. All I could say was God, you are good, through it all. The fact that I am no longer bent and broken inside and I can think of her fondly, feeling blessed can only be God. I didn’t know what was going to happen. I didn’t know whether I was going to be okay. Lots of advice and choices came my way but there was one choice I made that made all the difference – faith in Jesus and His faithfulness. He came through again and again. He is still doing so.
God is a good father. He showed up and taught me He is trustworthy. He showed me that He is the Good Shepherd. He introduced Himself as the lover of my soul, Faithful and True, Saviour King, Redeemer, ever-present Help and so much more. I chose to believe Him and, my oh my, He is the gift that keeps on giving all manner of goodness.
Are you in a storm today? Perhaps you’re searching for answers? Who do you commit your plans to? Have you put your hopes, dreams, desires in things – maybe even good things – but something tells you that’s not “IT”, there has to be more? Or maybe you needed a reminder today – a story like mine? I urge you to make a choice. Choose Jesus. Ask Him to introduce Himself to you and show you who He is if you don’t know Him. Perhaps you do but your perspective of Him is dulled and skewed by life or pain or too many voices or other choices.
Invite Him in once more. Ask Him to do what only He can, what only He knows you need from Him.
For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus. Romans 3:23-24
It was a day like any other. Mummy went to work as usual, had an uneventful day there and returned home. When she went to get her handbag, though, she couldn’t find it. She was not alarmed at first. She was sure she’d just placed it somewhere absentmindedly and would soon find it.
A Missing handbag
“Have you seen my handbag?” she asked me. I hadn’t but I, too, was not alarmed. “Have you checked the car,” I responded. “Yes, I have and it’s not there.” I started to help her look for it all over the house, retracing her steps. We were so sure it was in the house somewhere. Nothing. After a little while, it became clear the handbag was not in the house or the car so she called her workplace.
By this time, we were slightly worried. There were valuables in the bag including her wallet with all her bank cards, ID and a good amount of cash. She also had three mobile phones in the bag, one of which belonged to my recently deceased father. See, we had been looking for contacts that he kept such as the plumber, electrician, and handyman he used regularly among other important details for service providers, his friends and associates.
We had just found them on his secondary phone (he had two) and we were elated. We had been struggling with getting hold of certain service providers and really feeling the gap that he left behind. Anyway, she called work and they promised to search and call her back. They thoroughly searched her office and the entire premises – it was not found. We prayed that the bag and its contents would turn up. Then it dawned on her…
She had been called in to work for an emergency that morning and in her hurried state to attend to the emergency, she must have left the bag in the car and the car unlocked. Needless to say, we were devastated. She had just gotten the cash for something important, not to mention the irreplaceable phone and books she had in there. We kept praying and, in my frustration, I said, “Whoever took that bag should know that such actions do not bring blessings.”
Grace After Loss
I even started to say out loud that they shouldn’t expect to progress or prosper in life if that is how they went about things but God would not let me. He would not let me criticise the person any further or speak about their future in that way. He checked me so clearly, and I was surprised. He knew the hurt I was feeling at losing something that belonged to my dad, something that couldn’t be replaced, something that we needed at that time. He knew the need we had for that cash. He knew how difficult it is to replace cards, IDs and driving licenses. He was fully aware and He was… What?
He was showing grace and asking me to do the same. He placed on my heart that I did not know the person who took the bag or their circumstances and what led them to commit what was probably an act of desperation. We all fail, make wrong choices and fall short. This person needed grace not judgement, and certainly not judgement from me, one who falls short too. Saying what I was saying, thinking what I was thinking, was not going to change my situation or make me feel better – at least in the long term. What it would do is potentially harden my heart towards someone and place distance between me and God. And my Heavenly Father was having none of that!
So, I repented, changed my stance and shared with my mum what I’d heard God say to me.
Guess, what?! She felt God was placing the same message of grace on her heart too! And so, we placed our trust in Him in the matter and carried on with the day. Not too long after that, my mum received a call from someone she did not know. Turns out this man was a pastor, like my mum, and saw a handbag lying in a ditch next to the road. He was hesitant at first but something prompted him to pick it up and open it. He found my mum’s business card inside – her pastoral card – and decided to call her.
We went to meet him in the city centre, which in itself was not an easy feat because he had quite a busy day and had to go out of his way to ensure he got the bag back to us. He later shared that when he saw that the bag belonged to a fellow pastor, he was so moved and he knew he had to get the handbag back to us at all costs. We briefly shared the story of how the bag went missing, how God showed grace to the person who stole the bag in the first place and how He orchestrated that mummy get the handbag back through a fellow pastor.
God’s Grace is Sufficient
The cash was missing from the bag, and so were the phones. In the place of hurt and disappointment though, a newfound grace for the perpetrator, trust in God’s provision and sustenance, and peace through it all had taken deep root. When I shared the story with my Bible study group, all were amazed at the turn of events, at how God led with grace in such a situation and caused us to do the same, thereby bringing Glory to God. This was about four years ago but it still stands as a powerful testimony to me and my family.
I hope that by sharing this story with you, it also stands as a powerful testimony to you about the unmerited grace God gives us and perhaps those that have wronged or hurt us. It is not always easy to accept or to give, especially in light of accountability, justice and restitution. However, these things are not mutually exclusive. God is just and merciful. God is the bringer of both justice and grace. It is for us to follow His example and be led by Him because only he can see the complete story, the past, the present and the parts that are still to be written.
Jesus died for our sins, knowing full well how undeserving we all are. I mean, that was the whole point. So, reflect on the level of grace in your life. Let God’s grace grab ahold of your heart. Let Him show you how to walk in grace, if you aren’t doing so already. Accept the grace God has freely given, and grant yourself and others grace when you or they falter. 2 Corinthians 9:8 ESV says God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things, at all times, you may abound in every good work. Only God can supply the desire, the strength and skill to live a live that is worthy of Him.
He has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time. 2 Timothy 1:9
Thank you, Lord, that my salvation and victory are not on my shoulders. Many times, this truth may seem hidden, a bit distant. I think myself resourceful, intelligent, capable, resilient, discerning, and wise – all good things, gifts from You. At times, I’m even worldly – knowing the things of this world and the adventures it has to offer. It’s so hard to be in this world and not of the world. The memories and experiences I’ve carried since my birth in this world till now are so tangible, so real.
As You well know, there are times I have wished You were just as tangible. I have wanted to humanise You so I could experience You at my anthropological level. To throw my arms around you, to sit across from You and to audibly hear your voice like I used to do with my earthly father are things I’ve cried out to You about. Yet, I recognise that in that desire lies the need to shape you and resize into something my mind could fathom and experience in a way that I know and understand.
If I were to get my wish, You would cease to be the God that you are. You once said to people who were perhaps feeling like I have felt, “But I tell you the truth, it is to your advantage that I go away; for if I do not go away, the Helper (Comforter, Advocate, Intercessor — Counsellor, Strengthener, Standby) will not come to you; but if I go, I will send Him (the Holy Spirit) to you [to be in close fellowship with you],” John 16:7 AMP. You could see the bigger picture and knew the greater plan.
In light of this, I am very grateful that I do not have to save myself. I cannot lead myself to victory with my limited vision and wisdom. There are many things I do not know and understand, about You, about the world, about people and even about myself. However, none of these things are hidden from You. Darkness is as light to You; the farthest corner of the Earth and deepest depths cannot escape from You. You search and know the depths of my heart and show me compassion.
Out of love, you took my place in the seat of the accused, gave up Your life and saved me from sin, from death and ultimately, from separation from You. You, Sovereign Lord, are my strength! You make me as surefooted as a deer, able to tread upon the heights (Habakkuk 3:19 NLT. Thank you, Beloved Saviour, that my freedom today is not based on my actions. My victory comes only from You and what you have done.
iBloom for God 