The legacy you’ll leave behind can be a huge motivator!

This year, 2020, has been a relatively tough one for most people. We have faced challenges like we have never faced before. Our livelihoods have been threatened and compromised. We experienced a lot of uncertainty and widespread anxiety and fear. Many of us lost loved ones to COVID-19 and other causes. As I strived to come to terms with the loss in my family and watched others do the same, my thoughts inevitably turned to my own mortality. Something about grieving brings home just how short and fragile life can be.

As I thought about my mortality, I was also filled with thoughts about the legacy I will leave behind one day. I know this may sound a little morbid to some but apparently, this is a natural part of the grieving process. It’s also a great opportunity to reflect on what drives or motivates me. What do I want to achieve with the life, time, skills, and resources I’ve been given? What do I want to leave behind for future generations? These are not comfortable questions to engage with for me. They make me feel vulnerable yet they also propel, move, and empower me. If I achieve nothing else, my prayer is that I will at least achieve the following five things:

Glorify God

“Bring all who claim me as their God, for I have made them for my glory. It was I who created them,” God said to Isaiah (Isaiah 43:7). Therefore, I believe that I was created by God to glorify him, among other things. It is the reason for my existence. Indeed, it is my life’s purpose and goal to do just that with my life. But how does one glorify God? Firstly, by loving him with all my heart, all my soul, and all mind (Matthew 22:37–38). It is my honour and privilege to have a relationship with God, to love him as my father and friend.

Secondly, I glorify God by loving others as I love myself (Matthew 22:39). Loving others means showing love to anyone I encounter not just the people that I know or those that love me back. It means showing love to those who have a different social, economic, political, religious, and cultural background to mine just like I would to those I identify with. It means showing love to those that dislike or disagree with me. Challengingly, it means showing love even to those that treat me with less respect, compassion, and dignity than I deserve!

Luckily for me, God made me in his own image. He gave me his glory and honour and characteristics which enable me to love even when it’s the last thing I want to do (Psalm 8:5-6). Third, I glorify God by putting him first in everything. That means living my life, every area of it, according to Biblical principles. It means I defer to him in my dreaming, planning, decision making, and day-to-day life. In everything I do, I do it for his glory, praise, and worship:

“ Whatever you do [no matter what it is] in word or deed, 
do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus [and in dependence on Him], 
giving thanks to God the Father through Him.”
Colossians 3:17 (AMP)

“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.”
1 Corinthians 10:31 (NLT)

" Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. 
Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.”
Proverb 3:5-6 (NLT)

Advance and invest in the kingdom of God

In the conventional sense, a kingdom is a community or territory which is governed by a monarch that’s headed by a king or queen. Likewise, the kingdom of God is a realm (sphere or territory) that is governed by God. In this kingdom, Jesus is king and God’s authority is supreme. It is everlasting and consists of a community of those who believe in God. I become a citizen or “enter” this kingdom by believing in God and submitting to his authority (Matthew 7:21 and Colossians 1:13).

According to the Bible, the kingdom of God (also known as the kingdom of heaven) is both a present reality and a future territory. It is a future territory in the sense that the fullness of God’s reign is yet to be experienced in all its glory and perfection. This will happen later at a time that only God knows. It is also a present reality in the sense that it is experienced in the present though not fully. God resides amongst and within his children (those that believe in him). As a child of God, for example, I experience his love, peace, joy, friendship, righteousness, and more (Romans 14:17).

By putting God first and living my life for his glory, I invest treasures in the kingdom of God. In addition to that, I progress or move the kingdom of God forward by shaping my life after Christ’s example and, therefore, being an example (Romans 15:1-22). Jesus himself focused his ministry on proclaiming and advancing the kingdom of God. The Bible paints a picture of a beautiful, rich kingdom that’s worth investing in:

“The Kingdom of Heaven is like a treasure that a man discovered hidden in a field. 
In his excitement, he hid it again and sold everything he owned to get enough money to buy the field.
Again, the Kingdom of Heaven is like a merchant on the lookout for choice pearls. 
When he discovered a pearl of great value, he sold everything he owned and bought it!” 
Matthew 13:44-46 (NLT)

Empower and enrich others

Apparently, imagining your eulogy can help give you clarity, purpose, and perspective on how you want to live your life and what you want to achieve. It’s my prayer and goal to use what I have to empower and enrich those around me. I have a heart for uplifting, serving, and helping others and so I’m usually on the lookout for opportunities to add value. I want to leave people and spaces better because I was present. When I imagine my eulogy, I want people to say, “Thank God I met her. I’m grateful that she was my friend. Flo inspired and encouraged me. She helped me improve my life or my circumstances. She was a joy and a blessing to me. She truly loved me. I laughed long and hard with her. Because of Flo…” I don’t always know what enriching those around me looks like or how I’ll achieve it. I just know that I’ll take the opportunity to do it as often as I can 😊.

Pass the baton

Besides empowering and enriching people, I want to pass the baton so that others are propelled and empowered to also do the same. Again, I do not always know what that looks like or how I will achieve this. I do look for opportunities to pass on whatever wisdom, knowledge, values, and skills that I have gained over the years. I plan, pray, and hope to create a legacy that is bigger than me. When I dream, I dream of leaving a legacy that snowballs beyond my wildest dreams and expectations. I have been blessed to be surrounded by great people, great role models within my family and in my social circle. If I can find a way to package and pass on what I’ve learnt from them and from life in general, that would be a great win for me.

Live life in abundance

As cliched as it sounds, I want to live my best life. I want to have live life abundantly. This means appreciating and enjoying what life has for me – my family, my friends, my work, and my circumstances whether they’re mundane or otherwise. I want to laugh and love as fully as I can. There is something rich about living joyfully with a heart full of gratitude. It’s my goal to do just that. I want to fail and succeed and remain unchanged by it. When adventure calls, I intend to respond and continue trying new things. I hope to see as much of the world as I can. It’s my prayer that I live boldly and courageously. In short, I want to be “full of days” and greet the end when it comes with a knowing smile 😊.

Love,

God expresses his love in personally meaningful ways

Friends, I love butterflies. I enjoy watching them. They are beautiful to look at. They have all kinds of lovely pattern and colour combinations. I think they appear graceful and elegant in flight. Additionally, the metamorphosis a butterfly goes through from an unassuming caterpillar to a beautiful butterfly is extraordinary. It is as though one creature is reborn as an entirely new one after an incredibly transformational process. It is inspiring. To me, they are a symbol of hope, beauty, gracefulness, and transformation or new beginnings. Of course, God knows this about me. He knows me better than anyone, better than I know myself.

On three distinct occasions, I sensed that God used my love for butterflies to grab my attention, to make his presence known to me, and to express his love for me in a personal way. The first time was on a Sunday evening many years ago. I was at church and was praying with a few people just before the evening service started. I remember that I was feeling a bit down that day. We were seated in a circle outside the church and as we prayed, I noticed a butterfly flying close by. It was a very windy day and the butterfly seemed to be struggling to fly. I watched as it fluttered along and then it landed in the middle of the circle at our feet.

As I continued to watch it, feeling compassion for its hardship, I suddenly realised something. The colours and patterns on it matched my dress perfectly! It had some brown and orange with black patterns that resembled animal print. For some reason, that delighted me so much. I kept my eye on the butterfly at our feet as we prayed. Its wings kept flapping up and down though it did not fly away. It seemed fragile as the wind blew and buffeted it. Again, I assumed the wind was messing with its ability to fly and I felt sorry for it. Then after a little while, the butterfly unexpectedly flew off without a hint of struggle or difficulty though it was still just as windy, perhaps even more so.

I was intrigued by the butterfly’s behaviour and by how I was dressed the same as the butterfly. I couldn’t help but smile because I felt God’s presence and him speaking through the appearance of the butterfly. It reminded me of Luke 12:27-28 (ERV):

27 “Think about how the wildflowers grow. 
They don’t work or make clothes for themselves.
But I tell you that even Solomon, the great and rich king, 
was not dressed as beautifully as one of these flowers. 
28 If God makes what grows in the field so beautiful, 
what do you think he will do for you? 
That’s just grass — one day it’s alive, 
and the next day someone throws it into a fire. 
But God cares enough to make it beautiful. 
Surely he will do much more for you. 
Your faith is so small!

The second time I felt God touch my heart through my love for butterflies was in January of this year. It was just after my father’s funeral and I was by his graveside with my family. We were saying goodbye just before we headed back home. We prayed and as we started to leave, I remember feeling distressed. My heart was breaking. Just then, I noticed a couple of butterflies. One floated and landed on my father’s grave and lingered there for a while then flew off. I felt a sense of peace and reassurance flood over me. It reminded me of the first incident with the butterfly. I was also reminded once again of the love of my heavenly father. I knew he was right there with me and that he wanted me to know it and be comforted.

The third time was last week Sunday. I was on my way home from quiet time with God in the park and I was talking to him. I was reminding him of a conversation that I’d had with him the week before where I’d been expressing my desire to live with abandoned joy. Just then, a stunning yellow and black butterfly fluttered by me. It then flew towards me, almost close enough to land on my dress. It floated off then flew back towards me. Again, it seemed like it was going to land on me! At that point, I spontaneously laughed out loud in delight. I watched as it flew away, floating nearby for a while before finally flying away. It was a beautiful experience that filled me with abandoned joy 😊 I delighted in the fact that God finds special and personally meaningful ways to show his presence, his love and affection to us!

Love,

Musings about God’s dwelling place.

This morning, before and during breakfast, I spend some time in God’s presence. I felt like I was missing spending time and having a conversation with Him. Yet when I sat down, I suddenly didn’t have any words to say. Out of habit, I asked, “How are you this morning? How are things in heaven?” I began to think to myself, as I’ve often done, what those questions actually mean. In my humanity, I converse with God in that manner even though I am aware that He is constant. God does not experience a day or time as I do. He exists outside of time. He is constant and consistent. His state of being does not fluctuate. He doesn’t have a good day or a bad day like I would.

He is sovereign which means he knows everything long before it happens. He is never caught off guard or by surprise. He does not experience changes in emotions and mood in the same way that we humans do. Yet He does experience emotions. He shows love and joy for example. When I reject Him and sin, it breaks His heart. When I hurt or suffer or am in trouble, He is right there alongside me because His heart is for me. I’m currently studying the book of Genesis which tells stories about the early days of human existence. At one point, it says that God was grieved and His heart was filled with pain because He saw how wicked people had become. Every inclination of their hearts was only evil all the time and this troubled God.

With regards to heaven, I am aware that it is not a geographical location or some kind of cosmic place. God is omnipresent meaning He exists everywhere all at once. He exists outside of space. He exists in the spiritual realm. He lives within me and He unites Himself with me. So when I ask God how things are going in heaven, I acknowledge that that’s me trying to understand and relate to an eternal being that operates and exists outside my realm of existence and understanding. The beauty of it is that God doesn’t judge or despise my humanity or limited perception and understanding. He befriends me and relates with me in my humanity. Consider the story of Abram when God entered into a covenant agreement with him.

It was customary in those days that when people entered into a covenant agreement, they sometimes walked down an aisle flanked by animal carcasses on either side. This demonstrated the gravity of the agreement and how serious the parties involved were about keeping their end of the agreement. God graciously entered into an agreement with Abram in this manner out of regard for his humanity and customs of the day. After Abram had prepared the animals for the agreement ceremony, we’re told that a smoking firepot and a blazing torch passed between them. The firepot and torch represented the presence of God and thus the covenant was solemnised that way. I am always blown away by the level of regard and concern God shows people.

He does not dismiss us, our limited understanding, thinking, desires, needs, and our customs and traditions. Instead, he chooses to relate to us just the same. He corrects us where our ways and our thinking are faulty or lacking or contrary to His. He teaches us a better way instead of rejecting us. As I read about how Abram was God’s friend and how God did all these things out of regard for His friend, I am humbled. I’m humbled yet I also feel honoured, loved, special, and good because that is the same kind of relationship that the God of the universe and everything that exists is calling me and you into, friends! I think I’ll probably continue to ask God how He is doing and how heaven is going because I know He knows that’s my way of seeking a connection 😊

Love,

My experience of taking decisions as a Christian

Friends, let me ask you. What goes into your decision-making process? What do you consider? Do you have a tried and trusted formula that you find works for you? Is it the same every time or is it dependent on the matter you’re deciding on? When I first got saved, I suddenly found decision-making a bit of a challenge. I’ve always considered myself a fairly decisive person. I know my mind and I found making choices fairly easy. I could quickly choose what I wanted or what worked for me. When I didn’t know what I wanted, it would take me longer to decide. I usually just weighed my options and committed to the one that I thought was best for me and for the situation.

That is where the challenge came in. When I surrendered my life to Christ, I discovered that I wanted God to be in on my every decision. I surrendered my decision-making to him as it were. Whether it was a small decision on day-to-day stuff like what to have for lunch or what to wear or a bigger decision like where to live or what investment to make, I wanted to make that decision with the help of God. This was a good thing, I think, because I wanted to acknowledge God in everything. However, I found it difficult to navigate my new reality. I did not want to make a decision, one way or the other, if I did not hear God speak directly on it especially for the big decisions. Of course, if it was a smaller decision that wasn’t of consequence, I would just take the decision and move on.

I’ll give you an example of what this challenge looked like for me. There were many times that I was faced with someone needing some kind of help. “What can I do, Lord?” I would ask. The Bible is very clear about helping others. To help or not to help was usually not the question. The question was how to assist responsibly and effectively. Yet that question was met with silence from God on many occasions. When God was silent, I found myself feeling unsure of my decisions. I felt like I couldn’t take a step forward with anything before I heard from God which frustrated me. I began to feel like I was being indecisive or crippled in my decision-making.

I grew up hearing that God always responds and so I would delay in deciding until I was confident that I knew what God wanted me to do. For someone like me who knows her mind, I really struggled with that. On the one hand, I wanted to acknowledge God and put Him first even in my decision-making. On the other hand, I was used to looking at the facts, researching if I needed to, weighing available options, and then just taking the decision. I had to learn where God fit into my decision-making. Knowing now what I didn’t know then, I would give myself the following advice.

Pray

Don’t worry about anything; 
instead, pray about everything. 
Tell God what you need, 
and thank him for all he has done 
Philippians 4:6

Talk to God about your circumstances, your decisions, and your needs. God only wants what is good for you. God has many thoughts about you and many plans for you and all of them are intended to bring you prosperity, to give you hope, and to give you a future. With that knowledge and assurance in mind, consult God about your decisions as with everything else in your life then wait patiently on Him. The more you do this, the more sensitive you’ll become to the Holy Spirit prompting you and guiding you.

Rely on the Word

As with giving or helping others, the Bible has a lot to say about every issue that you could face. Spend time reading it and get to know what God thinks and says about issues. Through the Bible, God speaks about himself, about his church, about you specifically, about people in general, about governance and leadership, and about so many other subjects. Get to know what the Bible says so that in your hour of need or at decision-making time, you’re not scrambling to figure out what to do. If you know ahead of time how the Bible recommends handling something, you feel more confident and empowered in handling the situation if and when it arises.

When you read something that has a real-life application, take note of it. Memorise the verses if you can. Read the Bible at the time of decision-making as well. Friends, it has happened many times that I’ll pray about something then go to read my Bible and find scripture that speaks directly about what I was praying about that it may as well have been written specifically for me and for that specific situation. There is a wealth of knowledge and advice in the Bible that you can really depend on.

Act in Faith

Trust in God. Trust in his Word. Put all your hope in Him and act according to that hope and trust. Act in faith. One of the reasons I probably felt frustrated in my decision-making was because whilst I wanted to please God, I was also experiencing fear. I wasn’t even aware of it at the time. I was aware that decisions can be like a fork in the road. One decision can take you far down a path that God did not intend for you. I wanted to avoid that at all costs. I did not want to find myself in a situation that wasn’t ordained by God. The truth is I had a lot to learn about God’s grace, guidance, and provision. I had to learn that when God is silent, it’s okay to take the decision that I think is best as long as I’m acting in faith and in accordance with God’s Word. I had to accept in my heart that when I fail or make a mistake or less than ideal decision, God is not waiting in the wings to punish me for the misstep.

Friends, even when you find yourself in a place that God did not intend for you, He does not abandon you. He provides for you even then. He leads you and guides you even then. In Genesis 12:10-20, Abram left the land God had promised him and went to Egypt because of a famine in that land. He asked his wife Sarai to tell the Egyptians that she was his sister because she was very beautiful. He feared that he would get killed by those wanting to take his wife for themselves. Despite him travelling to Egypt even though God had not ordained it specifically and him lying to protect his life, God still watched over him and his family. In fact, God caused Abram to leave Egypt with many gifts from Pharaoh because he wanted to bless Abram. How awesome is God 😊?!

Love,

Keep your eyes fixed on Him

I find the human mind so interesting. I find its capacity to recall and to forget remarkable. A couple of weeks ago, I set my heart on putting God first. I resolved to be intentional about seeking God. One way I was going to do this was to ask Him daily to help me to put Him first. Fast forward to a short couple of weeks later, this had kind of slipped to the back of my mind. I had not forgotten my resolve but I certainly forgot about praying about it daily. I would say a prayer now and then if and when I remembered. I slipped back into my usual routine and way of life where there is always the next thing to be done, the next challenge to be resolved, the next goal to be attained, on and on it goes.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with these things at all. I guess I am examining, as I often do, how much room I’m leaving for God. Where does He fit in? Is He mixed in with all the stuff that holds my time, my attention, my affection, my focus, or is He at the fore-front as He should be? Friends, living a life that is surrendered to God is not easy, at least not for me. Sometimes, my will and my desires are contrary to His, and giving up mine for His doesn’t always feel good in the moment. At times, I just don’t feel like it. Luckily, God is faithful and He offers me help where I’m weak.

On Sunday morning, during my prayer time, I specifically felt like God was saying, “Fix your eyes on me.” It was like a random thought that occurred to me out of nowhere. I have learnt to recognise that as God speaking to me over the years. I searched for scripture that speaks to fixing my eyes on God and found two that I liked. I took note of them so that I could reflect on them over the coming week. These were Hebrews 12:2 and Hebrews 3:1.

Let us keep our eyes fixed on Jesus, 
on whom our faith depends from beginning to end. 
He did not give up because of the cross! 
On the contrary, because of the joy that was waiting for him, 
he thought nothing of the disgrace of dying on the cross, 
and he is now seated at the right side of God's throne.
Hebrews 12:2 (GNT)

Therefore, holy brothers and sisters, 
who share in the heavenly calling, 
fix your thoughts on Jesus, 
whom we acknowledge as our apostle and high priest.
Hebrews 3:1 (NIV)

Though I hadn’t stayed on top of praying and asking God daily to help me put Him first, He hadn’t forgotten. He stayed on top of it and reminded me to stay focused on Him. Though I had and still have days where I struggle to leave room for God or to remember what putting Him first looks like in the moment, I know I can trust and depend on Him to see me through those days. I can trust Him to remind me when I forget. I can trust Him to provide the strength and ability to surrender my life and continue prioritising Him first above all things. When I feel discouraged, I usually look at Isaiah 40:31:

But those who wait for the Lord [who expect, look for, and hope in Him]
Will gain new strength and renew their power;
They will lift up their wings [and rise up close to God] 
like eagles [rising toward the sun];
They will run and not become weary,
They will walk and not grow tired.
Isaiah 40:31 (AMP)

One way that I have been putting God first this week is by applying God’s Word to my current circumstances by faith. I was inspired to do this by a sermon I watched on Sunday evening. It is part of a series that I have been following based on the book of Ruth. This particular sermon is on chapter two. The lesson was that grace flows to us when we apply God’s Word by faith. When we step out in faith and do what the Bible says about a particular situation, God steps in to meet us there. In Ruth’s example, she showed she knew the scripture (Leviticus 19:9-10) that said the Israelites were not to harvest to the edges of their fields or to gather the harvest that fell to the ground. They were to leave it for the poor and the foreigners living in the land.

Ruth, a foreigner in the land who needed provisions, then stepped out in faith and went to gather grain from the ground and the edges of the fields, trusting that she’d find farmers who followed this scripture as well. She not only found farms that followed this principle but she was provided for beyond what she expected, both on that day and in the future as well. She even went on to marry a wealthy farmer from one of these farms and her descendants became a part of Jesus’s lineage as a result. After watching that sermon, I asked God to lead me to scriptures that speak directly to my current circumstances. On Monday morning, the next day, I found a scripture that speaks so clearly to my circumstances. That particular story is still playing out.

On Wednesday morning. I was reading Genesis 2, the part about Adam and Eve being instructed not to eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. I began to wonder if Adam and Eve truly had free will if they didn’t know good from evil. If you only know what is good, you can only choose what is good, right? According to the NIV Study Bible, it turns out that they did have both eternal life (from eating from the tree of life) and moral discernment (from God). What the tree of knowledge of good and evil gave them was moral discernment independent from God. Effectively, the sought to be emancipated from God. That is why eating from that particular tree was sinful.

That renewed understanding and insight into how harmful it is to put our own desires and will first was profound for me. To desire and seek independence from God is sinful and separates us from Him. It resulted in serious consequences for Eve and Adam and humanity as a whole. We live in a fallen world and experience disease, struggle, and death as a result. Lucky for us, God is forgiving, kind, and faithful. He made a way for us to be reconciled to Him and experience eternal life through Jesus. I continue to fix my eyes on Jesus. I expect to continue to find scripture that applies to my circumstances. I trust that God will help me apply it. I am excited and looking forward to seeing what God will do.

Love,

What would you trade Him for?

Today is Friday and it has been an interesting week in that putting God first has been a recurring theme that keeps popping up for me. On Sunday morning, mummy sent me a quote by Reverend Lucy Natasha that said, “A woman who walks with God will always reach her destination.” I loved it and I remember telling her as much. Later that same morning, I attended church online. The sermon was based on the first chapter of Ruth, one of my favourite stories in the Bible.

The crux of the teaching was that we’re invited to call on God and pray as Naomi from the story did regarding her two daughters-in-law and their circumstances. She was widowed as were here daughters-in-law, and they were all in a position of vulnerability. She decided to take the journey back to her homeland where she had heard the Lord had provided for His people there. As with Naomi and Ruth, when we pray and journey towards God and His providence, we will see Him provide, not only for our circumstances but for the purpose He set out for us as well.

As I listened and reflected on the sermon, I was aware that I’ve been struggling to focus on God and put Him first lately. I’ve been focused on my goals, plans, desires, challenges, Netflix, and so on. I resolved to pray about this daily, asking God to help me put Him first. In the early hours of Monday morning, I came across a post by Joyce Meyer on social media that said, “Keep God in first place, and you will end up in the right place.” I sent it to my mum saying that it affirmed what we’d spoken about the previous day which was the sermon and the quote from the morning. It also affirmed my resolve and my prayers about putting God first.

The next day, on Wednesday 15^th, I was reading my morning devotional and it spoke about putting God first once again. I got this particular devotional from mummy 10 years ago. It is called The 366 Best-Loved Verses by Solly Ozrovech. To be honest, I’d never used it up until now. I had gotten it in October of 2010 and stored it away. I probably intended to start using it in the year 2011 but forgot about it until I was decluttering this year. I say this to say that I think it was more than mere coincidence that I read that particular devotional which echoed what I was praying for on that particular morning. I see it as God acknowledging my prayer and providing a response to it for each day.

That last line where Solly Ozrovech asks, “Is there anything in this world you would trade for that?” really hit home. I found that it’s a great way to think about putting God first. What would I trade for the peace of God? The answer is absolutely nothing yet when I worry, I’m trading God’s peace in. When I am too busy to pray or spend time with God, I am trading His companionship in for whatever is holding my attention. When I try to quiet the deep longing in my soul with anything but Him, I am trading His love in. What about you? What would you trade God for? What would you give up His peace, His love, His companionship, His presence for? If the answer to that is nothing, then join me in being more intentional and diligent to not do the trade.

Love,

Look! I stand at the door and knock. 
If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, 
and we will share a meal together as friends.
Revelations 3:20 NLT

The year was 2010. I had been regularly attending a church close to my apartment called Kenilworth Community Presbyterian Church. In fact, I was regularly attending three churches at the time because I was looking for a church community to join but that’s a story for another day. The church was running a group bible study called The Truth Project by Focus on the Family. The Truth Project is a foundational course that considers various aspects of life from a Biblical perspective. It’s a 13-week course and I must have attended it between March and May, thereabouts.  It was a week night and I had managed to persuade my friend and flat mate to join me for the series.

Now, if you’ve been following my blog, you’ll recall that from a young age, I have felt a longing, a questioning, and a seeking that I just couldn’t fully explain or express. If you haven’t, I recommend that you read the story Him Whom My Heart Loves for a bit more insight into that. At the time that I was attending these three churches, my longing, questioning, and searching had deepened. I was more than a little frustrated by this time because I just couldn’t satiate it. I still couldn’t quite find the meaning of life as it were. I think that was one of my main motivating factors for joining the bible study. I was very restless and unsettled and I felt like something had to give.

The first topic on the first night of Bible study was Truth. I remember I was feeling a bit jaded and though I was listening, I was rolling my eyes internally. The study started very predictably, at least in my mind, with the question, “Why was Jesus born?” I thought that I had heard it all before and that it was the same story told in a slightly different way and I guess I felt “over it”. Yet for whatever reason, I listened and remained engaged albeit half-heartedly. We had a short discussion around the question before listening to a prepared response. When the speaker said that Jesus was born to testify to the truth, that piqued my interest quite a bit.

It wasn’t the first time that I was hearing a lot of what was being presented; however, it took on a deeper meaning for me. I suddenly had insight and understanding that I previously did not have. Sure, I knew the Biblical stories and the meaning behind them. I believed the Bible and tried to apply it to my life as best as I could. That evening, it was as though the stories I was hearing and the meaning behind them became clearer. It was as though my mind was “unlocked” and puzzle pieces fell into place so that I could see a full picture. I didn’t know what was happening but I knew something was happening. I could feel a shift within me.

I found myself listening more attentively and soaking in what was being said. I just could not get enough of it. Later that night, as my friend and I went home, I remember crying inexplicably. I cried out of joy and a sense of relief. I remember saying to her, “I get it now! Something happened and I get it.” I’m not sure whether I fully realised that night that I had just been saved. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that something significant had happened. I felt different. I began to see the world differently almost immediately. I knew there was a shift within me. I think a part of me did know that I had just been saved but I did not want to label it.

See, I had been a Christian all my life. I had responded “yes” many times before when I was asked if I wanted to give my life to Jesus. I would say the words to confirm it yet it felt meaningless afterwards. I had a relationship with God yet I’d always felt like something was missing. A few years earlier, I had asked a Christian neighbour who I was friendly with how someone knows that they are saved. She had simply said, “You would know.” I found her response troubling and unsettling because I wasn’t sure whether I was saved or not. I was not confident that I was in good standing with God. And so that night, when I was confident that a shift had happened within me, I was reluctant to label it like I’d done before.

I wanted to see how the experience would change me and my life. Would it be yet another meaningless encounter or was this truly different? Over the days, weeks, and months that followed, it became more and more clear that I had had a real encounter with God that night. As I prayed and read my Bible, I continued to gain insight and understanding. The shift within me wasn’t a temporary or passing phase. It translated to outward change. I started talking, thinking, and acting differently. I became more confident in my good standing with God. One of the first people I couldn’t wait to tell was my mum. She is a woman of faith and one of my role models, both spiritually and in general.

I remember telling her over the phone and describing, in as much detail as I could, what had happened to me. She laughed with joy because one of her many prayers had been answered. As I listened to her laugh and celebrate and thank God I had been saved, I couldn’t help but imagine the level of celebration and joy in heaven as well. One more sheep had been found and brought into the fold. And that, my friends, is how I met Jesus – Him whom my heart loves. I knew of Him. I had a relationship with Him. I thought I knew Him and in a way I did. However, I had a personal encounter with Him that night that changed me and my life. It set me on a different trajectory for which I am eternally grateful.

Love,