Managing Episodes of Anxiety

It came to my attention recently that there may be something going on with my credit record, potentially an incorrect entry or something. While I do not intend to get any credit, I do want a clean record. So, I am trying to rectify the issue, but to do that, I need more information first and that has been proving to be a challenge. Something as simple as getting my record has been like pulling teeth. I have tried a few times and hit a different snag each time.

This morning, after attempting once again to get the information I need and getting nowhere, I started to feel very frustrated. I thought, “Why is this happening!” Then a sense of dread started creeping in and before I knew it, I was feeling sick to my stomach. It wasn’t because of anything tangible, just a strong feeling of uncertainty and worry. I felt a sense of fear and my stomach was churning. I immediately recognised that feeling. I have suffered from anxiety in the past and I can tell when I am starting to get anxious. My mind goes into overdrive and left unchecked, can begin to create all kinds of not-so-good scenarios.

Now, we can agree that that’s not good. The Bible tells us that Jesus came to give us life and life in abundance (John 10:10). It is God’s heart that we should have peace and that “the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard our hearts and our minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:7). God has given us His Spirit (John 14:16) who is an advocate, a helper and a faithful companion in all things and at all times. Through His help, we can embody these qualities which are the fruits of the Spirit in our daily lives:  love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). 

When I started to feel anxious and I couldn’t shake it off, I began to reflect on some Biblical truths and found ways, in the moment, to apply them. God has given me victory over depression and anxiety, and has caused me to walk in freedom from anxiety. That’s a story for another day. For today, here are five things that helped me immediately:

I was having a cup of tea as I was sending some emails about my issue when I became aware of just how good a cup of tea I had in my hand. “Thank you, Lord, for this delicious tea. It is amazing. Your provision is not lost on me.” It was a simple and effortless expression but I immediately felt so much better. It shifted my focus to God, His goodness, His provision and His presence. I couldn’t help but smile. I started to thank God for other things, delighting in finding reasons to do so. In my moment of frustration, as I was struggling to find words to pray about what was bothering me, I focused on God’s heart for me and His character. It made me more acutely aware that Jesus is with me all the time. He has me and whatever I am facing in the palm of his hands.

Worshiping God can be like a soothing balm to the soul. We were made to have companionship with God and to glorify Him. Praise and worship ushers in God’s presence and we were designed to enjoy being in God’s presence. When I sing unto God, I feel an unmatched sense of coming home – arriving at the place where I belong, where I find rest, where I am safe and my beloved Love is. God is our friend and our Father, and worshipping Him can not only calm us and draw us closer to Him, it shifts our perspective, what’s happening internally. It also has the power to shift what’s happening externally. God delights when we call out to Him and He responds (Psalm 18:6). It is what we’re meant to do, not remain silent or try to do it without God’s help. (Psalm 14:41 Samuel 12:23Luke 18:1).

“Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.” – Psalm 55:22 NIV. God wants us to bring everything to Him, our joys and sorrows, our victories and our failures, our hopes and our dreams, our plans and lack thereof. He wants us to talk to him, to share what’s on my minds, to give to him what bothers us and then be convinced that once we do, He makes a provision and we do not need to worry anymore. This is seldom an easy thing, but I always say, “Just because it is difficult, it does not mean it cannot be done.” Moreover, God is kind enough to give us the strength to do the things we cannot do.

Quite often, when I feel anxious, it is because I feel a loss of control. Perhaps I want or expect things to turn out a certain way; I’ve made plans and preparations; I’ve put in the effort; I’ve done all that I can and beyond then… A big fat nothing. At times in life, it can feel like all your best efforts amount to naught and it can be unsatisfying or heart-breaking. I have learnt and am still learning to let go. It is helpful to have a sense of awareness of what God is calling me to carry, i.e., what I have the ability and grace [from God] to do. Anything more than that can steal my joy and peace. In the case of my credit record, I called, I sent emails, and I did all I could humanly do. I prayed as I did it and chose to trust God that He’d make a way. The scenarios running through my head were not real or helpful so I rejected them and waited to see what would happen, what God would do. What a turnaround that was for me! The rest of the day went better than I could have hoped.

Last, but not least, we’re also designed to walk in fellowship, in community, in relationship with others. I believe in my heart that God saved and healed me from depression and anxiety, but I have also witnessed how the enemy will attempt to attach what I’ve been freed from back onto me. It was a part of my way of life for so long, so much so that it was like a part of my identity. Even as I write this, my heart goes out to the one reading or hearing this who is still struggling with depression and anxiety. My prayers are with you; I pray that Godspeed healing and freedom in whatever form He wills for you. 

With that in mind, I asked a couple of close and trusted friends and family to pray with me. This was especially helpful because, at first, for some reason, I was struggling to pray. Yet prayer is important. Prayer draws me closer to God and unlocks His blessings. It is how I stand firm, hold onto my peace and step into what God has already granted me (Exodus 14:13 -14). Only after thanking God for many unrelated things, worshipping Him and trusting that those who love me including Jesus Himself were interceding on my behalf was I able to see past myself and prayer could flow from my heart. Beloved, hold on to God and to your faith. When you struggle with that, reach out to your community, reach out to Jesus and ask for help. 

Maturing in waiting on God

When we think of waiting, we automatically think of idleness, inaction, lack of movement and consequently, lack of productivity. That sounds like a whole lot of lack or a lot of nothing, if you ask me. Nobody wants that, right?! I don’t know about you, but these are some of the ideas and attitudes that get in the way when it comes to me waiting on God. It’s not an easy thing to do, yet it is a very important Biblical concept.

I grew up with a mum who took her relationship with Jesus very seriously. I learnt a lot about walking with God from watching how she lived her life. So, I was introduced, indirectly, to the concept of waiting on God by her . Let me tell you, not only did I not understand it, it drove me nuts! For example, when it was decision time, especially the more important life-altering decisions, she would say let’s pray then wait and see. See what?! As far as I was concerned, that wasn’t how decisions were made.

You gathered information, weighed the pros and cons, perhaps asked for advice though not so much that you would drown in other people’s opinions then picked the best possible option just like she and my dad had taught us. I did not understand this seemingly redundant step of ‘waiting on God’. Decades later, when I accepted Christ into my life, I slowly began to understand her – slowly being the operative word. Though I still find waiting on God challenging at times, it’s easier than it was in the past. There’s an unequivocal trust in God that I now enjoy that I didn’t before.

Impatience, desire for control, doubt and sometimes just plain curiosity would have me running back to Jesus again and again. “Lord, it’s me again. Remember that thing we spoke about some moments ago. I really want to know your thoughts. I am asking for these very good and specific reasons. Do you have an answer for me yet? No, not even a clue?! Okay, I’ll check back in shortly. If you will, could you let me know by this time pretty please. Thank you, God!” 😄  Isn’t it wonderful that God doesn’t get impatient with us?! 

At other times, I would pray about something concerning my family or friends or myself or some kind of issue. After praying, I would feel peace in my heart or sense God saying, “It is well,” or “It is done.” Yet, I would still fret because I wanted specifics or I would agonize over timelines. I wanted signs and confirmation. I wanted reassurance all the time. Through it all, God was ever patient and loving as He taught and corrected me. Over the years, I have had many chances to learn how to wait on the Lord as I have matured in my walk with the Lord. Here are a few of the things I’ve learnt.

Waiting on God isn’t a passive effort. It is not simply delaying a decision or an action until such a time when it is right. It involves actively seeking God: spending time with Jesus; asking Him the tough questions you may be grappling with; intently searching out God’s heart and plans for you; and worshipping Him through it all. God remains good, unchanging, sovereign and faithful regardless of the season we’re in or what we’re facing so waiting on Him means acknowledging Him and submitting to His timing and design for us.

The Bible is full of wisdom and practical life lessons. Not only that, it is the Word of God, so it is like God speaking directly to us. From it, we can learn God’s thoughts, His character, His heart, His ways, His power, His designs for us and more.

Reading what God says in the Bible and putting it into practice is a good way to wait. If ever I am unsure of what to do, that’s the first place to turn to. When I want to make sure that my plans, my decision, my actions or my life are pleasing to my Heavenly Dad, I check to see that they are aligned with scripture. When I need to talk to God and words fail me, the Bible helps with that too.

I remember that when I first got saved, I used to want God to ratify pretty much every decision. I loved it. As I got ready in the morning, I’d ask Him which outfit He thought I should wear. When I made plans for the weekend, I would ask what He thought I should do and with whom I should spend my time. I would be so delighted when He responded. It was a great way to build intimacy with and trust in Him. However, when I didn’t receive that seal of approval I yearned for, I’d become a little paralysed in my decision-making. 

I wanted a specific yes or no or wait. Then a mature lady advised me that when my plans are aligned with God’s Word and God is silent when I ask Him about them, perhaps that’s an invitation to step out in faith and act. Ultimately, walking with God is about relationship. God is not some tyrannical overlord who does not leave room for our hopes or opinions or desires. On the contrary, He wants us to live in joy and peace; He wants to bless us. At times like that, it’s okay to take a leap of faith and trust that God has got your back.

Jesus has also taught me He is the Good Shepherd who guides, leads and protects me and it is for me to trust and follow Him. He says, “My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.” (John 10:27 NIV) That means it’s important to know and recognise His voice when He speaks then follow and obey what He says. Take time to know God’s voice intimately and recognise it from all other voices – yours, other people’s, and the enemy Satan.

Many times, we ask for something and we do not get it. You pray for a sick loved one but they get worse and then pass away. You believe for a job opportunity that could change your life and would be the answer to many of your challenges but you get passed over for it. You’re in a challenging relationship and trust God to turn it around but things keep getting worse. When I have been faced with such challenging events, I have learnt that Christ Himself is the answer for me.

When things stop making sense, He still is my portion and my inheritance. He still is Healer, Provider, Protector, and Vindicator. While that may not minimise or remove what I am facing, He gives me the grace and strength to face and go through it. What’s more, I have hope for the future in Him. 

Lastly, I have learnt that when God says He will do something, it is done. While I wait for it to manifest, I can find joy in worshipping Him. I can also be encouraged by what He said, finding peace while I wait. For example, I was looking at my grandmother’s photo on my bedside, thinking of her and admiring her beautiful smile one time. I had visited her and wasn’t sure when I would be able to visit again. See, she is advanced in years, so every moment I get to spend with her is very special. It could very well be the last. I remember thinking, “I hope to see that beautiful smile again,” and God immediately said, “You shall see it again.” 

I didn’t even question it. In my heart of hearts, I was persuaded beyond a shadow of doubt that I would. It was an answer to a prayer I hadn’t even consciously prayed. It was an Isaiah 65:24 moment – before they call, I will answer; while they are still speaking, I will hear. I have seen my gran many times since. More than I would have dreamed or dared to ask.

As we speak, I am in another season of waiting. Actually, being a Christian involves a lot of waiting on God, in my humble opinion, and these reminders have been helpful and uplifting. I am encouraged as I continue to watch and wait to see what God will say and do. I hope you’ll find them uplifting and encouraging too.

Heights

Thank you, Lord, that my salvation and victory are not on my shoulders. Many times, this truth may seem hidden, a bit distant. I think myself resourceful, intelligent, capable, resilient, discerning, and wise – all good things, gifts from You. At times, I’m even worldly – knowing the things of this world and the adventures it has to offer. It’s so hard to be in this world and not of the world. The memories and experiences I’ve carried since my birth in this world till now are so tangible, so real.

As You well know, there are times I have wished You were just as tangible. I have wanted to humanise You so I could experience You at my anthropological level. To throw my arms around you, to sit across from You and to audibly hear your voice like I used to do with my earthly father are things I’ve cried out to You about. Yet, I recognise that in that desire lies the need to shape you and resize into something my mind could fathom and experience in a way that I know and understand.

In light of this, I am very grateful that I do not have to save myself. I cannot lead myself to victory with my limited vision and wisdom. There are many things I do not know and understand, about You, about the world, about people and even about myself. However, none of these things are hidden from You. Darkness is as light to You; the farthest corner of the Earth and deepest depths cannot escape from You. You search and know the depths of my heart and show me compassion.

Out of love, you took my place in the seat of the accused, gave up Your life and saved me from sin, from death and ultimately, from separation from You. You, Sovereign Lord, are my strength! You make me as surefooted as a deer, able to tread upon the heights (Habakkuk 3:19 NLT. Thank you, Beloved Saviour, that my freedom today is not based on my actions. My victory comes only from You and what you have done.

Basking in the Sun

A beautiful day has dawned

Picture a beautiful day. It’s a day like any other yet there’s a special quality to it. The air is fresh and sweet. Birds are cheerfully singing melodious tunes. The sky is a clear and radiant blue. The people you encounter look joyful. There’s a sense of peace and calm in the air. Everything seems just right, it is as it should be. There’s a soft, cool breeze that feels like a caress on the skin, and the sun is out in all its splendour.

It’s not too bright so that it hurts the eyes. Nothing conceals it this day, it is smiling down on this wonderful day. Its warmth touches the skin, so pleasant and uplifting. One can’t help but close eyes, turn face towards it and just bask in it. Bursts of orange appear behind closed lids, so vibrant like the day. Contentment seeps in and every muscle relaxes as each deep and contented breath fills the lungs like never before.

A thought. This is life. This is life at its fullest! This is life as it should be. A fitting thought because, indeed, with the Son, such is life. His sun never sets. His loving kindness never grows cold. His light shines on all and cannot be concealed or subverted. His warmth seeps into the fibres of your soul – there bringing life, there bringing healing, there bringing sustenance. His protection, like the rays of the sun, falls on and envelopes everything He touches.

The cold of loneliness is dispelled. The chill of fear thaws and melts away. The dark of confusion dissipates. Despair shatters and hopelessness falls. In the light of the Son, freedom and hope reign. Hearts and lives are full as His own soak in His abundance. Goodness will never leave. Unmerited favour will never abandon. A beautiful day has dawned, the day of the one true King, Jesus Christ. Come, let us bask in the light of the Son.

You’re who Jesus says you are

Reflections on a true story

I have just watched the Jan Broberg story. Man, oh man. What a story! It made me feel so many things – anger, sorrow, disbelief, shock then right back to anger. It’s unbelievable. It’s shocking. It stays with me. I felt traumatised just from watching it and I couldn’t imagine what Jan Broberg went through, what her family went through, and what the people affected by Bob Berchtold went through.

The level of commitment the man showed to infiltrate the family and get what he wanted was insane. As the story played over in my mind, I realised that’s what the enemy of our souls, the devil, does, isn’t it? He sells us lies and tries to manipulates us. He tries to convince us that our Father is not our father. He tries to separate us from those that love us and care for us the most. He tries to separate us from God. He goes to extraordinary lengths, tirelessly using all kinds of cunning tactics.

If we believe him, we start to believe things that are alien to our identity and our purpose. We take on a purpose contrary to the one God gave us. The light of Jesus no longer reaches us like it should and we feel lost, conflicted and burdened. We no longer experience the peace that Jesus so freely gives. The remedy? Run! Run! Run! Run to Jesus. Run to His Truth. Run to His light.

Let His peace that passes understanding seep in. Let his unshakeable Word drive out every lie, nullify every manipulation, and tear down everything that is contrary to who God says you are. You are a child of God. You are loved and known completely by Him. He carries your burdens and carries you through anything you’ll ever face. If you need it today, let His truth, light and love in. Let Him guide you. Let Him heal you. Let Him fight for you. Run to him.

Have I told you lately…?

LORD, let me start by saying thank you so much. Thank you for loving me. I thought I knew what love was until I began to understand your love for me. Yet even now, I cannot say I fully understand it. It is a deep, profound and unmatched kind of love. You loved me first, and you loved me fully. Your love is perfect, sacrificial and everlasting. You’ve made my heart glad and my soul sing! You’ve given me purpose. You’ve given me life in so many ways. I love you because you loved me first. Thank you for loving me!

In you I have found my identity. Even in the moments when I lose sight of who I am, you never forget. There you are, lovingly reminding me. You guide and lead me every day even when I am not aware of it. Even in those moments when I think I have it all figured out, charting my own path, there you are, ever patient with me… You are slow to anger and quick to forgive. Never have I been turned away or rejected by you. You’re my ever-present help and faithful companion even when I miss the mark and fall short.

I am in awe of you. Who is like you, God? You are unmatched in all your ways. Who can compete with you? Who has better understanding or knowledge than you? Your wisdom is infinite. Your power and might are majestic to behold. Yet you are humble! Your heart is so tender and kind. I am truly in awe of you. When I reflect on all these things, I am amazed and humbled. I feel honoured to be called your child, to be a part of your family. You’ve completely accepted me and given this soul, this heart, a home.

Though you’ve accepted me wholly, you’ve also made me a better person. I have more grace and patience towards others. You’ve given me your heart such that I capable of loving others deeply even when I do not know them or cannot find reasons to love them. You are reason enough! You inspire me to forgive and build bridges even when it doesn’t seem to serve me because it serves you. You’ve given me a deeper appreciation for truth and justice. I find I pursue excellence and Godliness in the big, life-changing things as well as the small inconsequential things. Yet, I am far from perfect though you are perfecting me.

You know me better than I could ever know myself. Everything that I am capable of, everything that I think and do, all my motivations and desires, nothing is a mystery or a surprise to you. My past, present and future is laid bare before you and that gives me a sense of security and comfort. You know it all and you’ve made provisions for it all. Did I mention I’m in awe of you? I adore you. I worship you. I praise and magnify you. You alone deserve all the glory and honour and praise. You are worthy of all of me, of the best of me!

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you again, Dad. I love you.

Lost and Found

A timely intervention to recover a lost item

It was a busy of planning and shopping at Sandton City Mall. I was tired and ready to head home but I had one or two more things I needed to do before. But first, I needed the bathroom so I headed to the nearest ladies. As I prepared to leave the stall I was in, I suddenly felt uneasy and unsafe. I couldn’t explain it. Nothing had happened. Nothing had changed. 

I prayed about it before I left the bathroom stall and then headed out. To my relief, there was a security guard right outside washing her hands by the sink. I was so happy to see her and felt relief wash over me as I washed my hands next to her then I left the bathroom. As I continued running my errands, it didn’t take long to realise I no longer had my cell phone.

To my horror, realised I’d left it in the bathroom stall! Now, panic washed over me as I remembered exactly how this had happened. I’d been holding it when I entered the stall. I didn’t wanna put it away because I was eager to finish my errands, which required my phone, and then head home. So, I put it on the toilet paper holder instead, making a mental note to remember it.

Automatically, I started praying as I hightailed it back to the bathroom as quickly as I could without losing my dignity. When I arrived, the stall was occupied. I waited impatiently for the lady inside to come out. Finally, she did; I rushed in and, to my dismay, the phone wasn’t there. I caught up with her at the bathroom sinks. 

“Did you see a phone in the stall you were in by any chance?” I asked. She had not. I was crestfallen. I lingered for a moment hoping someone else had but it quickly became apparent that I was wasting time. Dejected, I left the bathroom and as I walked out, I saw the security person from earlier – the same one I’d been so relieved to see! For the second time that day, I was so relieved and happy to see her face. Perhaps she knew or saw something.

Sure enough, she had. It turns out someone had gone in after me, seen the cell phone, and handed it to her. She later told me that several people warned her that it was not a good idea to hang on to the phone saying such good Samaritan acts didn’t end well usually. I’m glad she didn’t listen to them. Instead, she handed the phone over to her supervisor for safekeeping.

She showed me where to go to collect my phone. Her supervisor wasn’t at the office when I arrived and I began to pray again. After a while that seemed like an eternity, the supervisor arrived with the phone and gave it back to me. I was so overjoyed I told anyone who would listen at that office what had happened. “Wow, you are so lucky. That never happens, especially at this mall,” one lady remarked. 

I knew I wasn’t lucky. It could only have been the Spirit of God working to turn around the situation for my good. I told her as much. Thank God, I said, and she agreed. I walked off feeling very blessed, feeling seen, and feeling loved. God foresaw the situation and warned me about it in the stall.

I remembered the uneasy feeling I’d had before leaving the stall earlier. It didn’t cause me to remember to take my phone but it did cause me to notice and remember the security guard, and she remembered me too. I must have greeted her very warmly though I can’t say for sure. I just remember that she immediately recognised me when she saw me again.

God continued to work in the situation and not only made sure I got my phone back, but I’m certain that He glorified His name amongst everyone involved in the incident, everyone who heard about it then, and I hope everyone who hears about it now as well. How amazing and great is our God! How awesome and merciful are His acts!

Partnering with the Holy Spirit

What’s a Relationship with the Spirit of God Like?

“Every morning when I awake, I greet the Holy Spirit and invite Him to go with me through the day and take the lead in all my affairs, and He does. I say, Good morning Holy Spirit. Let’s work together today and I will be Your vessel.’ Every evening before retiring I say again, ‘It’s been a wonderful day working with You, Holy Spirit.” This is an excerpt from the book ‘The Holy Spirit, My Senior Partner’ by David Yonggi Cho which I’m currently reading. It has been an eye-opening and fascinating read and I’m barely a third of the way through.

It’s one of my mother’s many books – she’s an avid reader. She gave it to me when I mentioned I needed something to read on a long bus journey. I’m so glad I’m reading it. I have an awareness of the Holy Spirit and His work. In fact, I have experienced being filled by the Holy Spirit resulting in speaking in tongues, feeling a deep and inexplicable sense of joy and peace, feeling like I’m bathed in warmth and light, experiencing a lightness of being and sensing I’m held in a loving embrace by Almighty God. More than that, I have sensed the Spirit of God speak to me, placing thoughts and knowledge within me.

Photo by Sunguk Kim on Unsplash

However, I think I am gaining a deeper understanding of the divine person that is the Holy Spirit. For one, I don’t think I was comfortable with or fully realised the fact that the Spirit of God is an incorporeal entity in the same way Jesus is. I remember using personal pronouns like ‘He, Him’ to refer to the Holy Spirit at church many years ago and being swiftly corrected. The people I’d been speaking to became very uncomfortable with this. I never looked further into it but at some point, I started being uncomfortable with using those pronouns too as if they were not Biblical. 

Fast forward to today, reading this book, I am reminded that they are, in fact, Biblical – see John 15:26John 16: 7-8, and John 16:13. The Holy Spirit has emotions, the Holy Spirit speaks, the Holy Spirit has virtues and indeed, the Holy Spirit has a personality. I was convicted that I had taken these things for granted. I had heard them before but they hadn’t really sunk in deep and taken root. So, I emulated what David Yonggi Cho had done and asked the Holy Spirit to come and take leadership in my life and circumstances. I said that I wanted to partner with Him and be His vessel. It was late at night and I said that I was looking forward to what he would do the next day.

Photo by Cullan Smith on Unsplash

Sure enough, the Spirit of God unexpectedly partnered with me very early the next morning. I was asleep when I felt someone sit down next to me. I woke up with a start, removed the mask covering my face and saw a young lady sitting next to me. I was not impressed. The bus was not full! Why on Earth would she choose a seat where someone was already sitting?! I was sitting at the front of the bus so I turned back to double check. As sure as day, there were plenty of unoccupied seats behind us. I tried hard to hide my annoyance and compose myself.

“I shouldn’t have removed my handbag from the seat next to me,” I thought to myself, “then perhaps she wouldn’t have sat here.” Then I immediately felt bad about my attitude. I thought, “Flo, you’re not entitled to this bus seat. Perhaps there’s something about your demeanour that’s inviting and she felt comfortable sitting next to you.”  Then I noticed her taking pics and videos since were at the window of a double-decker bus. “See, perhaps she wants to document the journey. It could even be her first time travelling to Cape Town.” I began to soften towards her then I decided to pray. 

I’d barely started praying when I felt God say, “Thank me.” I thanked Him for all the things I could think of until I grudgingly thanked Him for the young lady sitting next to me. “Pray for her,” He said. “For her or with her?” I asked. He responded, “For her” I was relieved. I didn’t particularly feel like starting that conversation with her. I started praying and I felt God put it on my heart to pray for peace, for joy, for a sense of identity and a release from what was holding her down or holding her back. My heart softened towards her some more. Then I heard God say, “Ask her what her name is.”

I protested slightly. “Lord, we’re about 100 km from Cape Town. What if she decides to chat with me all the way? It would be a long 100km for me. It’s early in the morning. I am not a morning person and I’m an introvert. Striking up conversations with strangers can be hard for me.” Even as I protested, I knew I was just making excuses. I mustered up the courage and asked her what her name was. She told me. “I’ve done it, Lord,” I said, “now what?” Just then she asked if we’d passed the tunnel. I said we hadn’t and she responded that I was so loud.

Photo by Dylan McLeod on Unsplash

Her words had me smarting. “Did you hear what she said, Lord? Unbelievable.” God remained silent but my annoyance started dissipating. “Ask her what she does,” He eventually said. It took me a few minutes but then I asked. She told me she’s studying dentistry. We exchanged a few more pleasantries and then fell into a comfortable silence. As we drew closer to our destination, she started packing up her stuff. I heard God prompt me to pray with her. This time I didn’t hesitate or give excuses. I started looking for an opening and when she made a comment about her jacket, I got the opportunity I was looking for.

I asked her if I could pray with her. To my surprise, she was very receptive. I beckoned her to sit as she was already standing then explained that when she sat next to me, God had prompted me to pray for joy and peace for her. During our conversation earlier before we settled into a comfortable silence, she’d mentioned that she’s not a positive person and when I asked why she said circumstances make her feel that way. Thus, I had the confirmation that the prayer for joy and peace was indeed from God and it was apt. I proceeded to pray for her and the words just tumbled out of me easily.

At several points during the prayer, she squeezed my hand in agreement and at some point, I opened my eyes and looked at her bowed head and saw her nodding. I became emotional but continued praying until I felt I was done. When I said Amen, she lifted her head and I saw that she too was emotional. She thanked me and joked that I was making her emotional. I told her I was emotional too and this time, I earnestly thanked her for sitting next to me. I hugged her again and told her God loved her. She told me that my prayer had been spot on and addressed what she needed. I knew then that the Holy Spirit had just beautifully partnered with me.

Photo by Jack Sharp on Unsplash

But wait. There’s more. Not too long ago, I found myself in a similar situation. I was on a bus with a man who was travelling with a woman who could only have been his mum. Their resemblance was striking. Her legs were swollen and she moved slowly with much difficulty. I was certain she was in pain. Throughout the trip, I watched how he patiently and lovingly helped her along. I felt prompted to pray for her and so I did. When we arrived, he helped me offload my bag without being asked. I was impressed and grateful. As I watched them load their bags into their lift, I felt God prompt me to go over and pray with them.

Sadly, I chickened out. I felt awkward and didn’t know what I would say, or how I would even start the conversation. “Look, they are loading their bags and ready to leave. Surely, I can’t hold them back. Why now when they are ready to go?” I had said to God at the time and watched them leave. I thought of that son and his mother often and wished I had just gone over like God had prompted me to. Who knows how they and I would have been blessed? I told myself that that incident would serve as a lesson and a reminder. God clearly wanted to do something and I missed it. I would not miss another opportunity again.

Photo by Alex Shute on Unsplash

God, in His grace and mercy, presented me with another opportunity. He prepared me for it and He ministered to me through it despite myself. I mean, He had me thank Him beforehand and was patient when I tried to excuse myself! He honoured my prayer and chose to have me partner with Him in ministering to a lady who needed it and, in so doing, healed my heart that held regret over a missed opportunity. I look forward to more and more opportunities to learn more about who the Holy Spirit is as a person and to partnering with Him in my day-to-day life.

Do you have stories or thoughts to share about your relationship with the Holy Spirit? I’d love to hear them. Please share in the comment below.

Jesus Meets Even our Unspoken Needs

God delights in showing us considerate regard

"I will answer them before they even call to me.
    While they are still talking about their needs,
    I will go ahead and answer their prayers!"
Isaiah 65:24 NLT

“Sometimes, your faith can be like an unuttered prayer,” mummy said. She then shared the Bible verse above, Isaiah 65 verse 24. We’d been discussing an incident that had just happened. There was a conference at her church and she’d hosted a number of church goers in her home, about 10 or so by my count. Now, in the city I grew up in and where mummy still lives, access to water can be a challenge. It is a semi-arid area that is prone to droughts and fluctuating rainfall.

Statue of Joshua Nkomo in Bulawayo.
Photo by Gerald Mashonga.

Growing up, we always had to contend with water rationing. Over the years, the situation has gotten progressively worse especially with the deterioration of infrastructure in the country. It has reached a point where each household has to have an alternative water supply or keep water reserves that can last for several days if not weeks or risk going without. The church conference lasted for four days and mummy hosted the church goers for only two to three days.

Needless to say, it was enough to put a dent into the household water reserves because a day into the conference, running water was cut off right on schedule. During one of the teachings at the conference, a speaker shared that they’d experienced an issue with installation of utility meters. They’d been assigned meters that weren’t sufficient to meet their need. He prayed about the issue and he felt God reassure him that He’d already met the need.

He shared that at one point, he ‘spoke to’ these meters with authority because he had faith that he’d already received them. Sure enough, he received the meters that God had promised. And so, when I realised that our water reserves were running low, I remembered this story and contemplated that perhaps I should ‘speak to the water supply’ with authority and tell it to be re-established outside the usual schedule.

I am not certain why I didn’t do this. Perhaps it was because it occurred to me as I was finishing my morning bath and preparing for the day. The thought may have gotten drowned out by the plans and preparations for the day. Perhaps I felt a little silly at the thought. I cannot say for sure. I don’t think it’s important. What’s important is what happened next. Running water was restored a day after it was cut off!! This was completely out of the ordinary. 

Photo by Jos Speetjens on Unsplash

It was very surprising and delightful. We now had more than enough water! As I discussed the incident with my mum, she shared that sometimes prayers do not need to be uttered out loud. God longs to bless us and meet our needs. He knows what we need long before we do. In His grace, He often chooses to meet our needs even before we explicitly ask Him to. At times, our faith in Him, in His ability to help, and more importantly, in His desire to help us is like an unspoken prayer.

Isn’t that just heart-warming. God is good. He is a loving Father who anticipates the needs of His children. He watches over us and moves to help us sometimes even before we know we need His help or think to ask for it. He is incredibly generous and kind. Showing considerate regard for us is in His nature and He delights in doing so. If you have not experienced God in this way, won’t you ask Him to show you? If you have, won’t you remember and reflect on all the goodness He has shown and share it with someone you know. They may be blessed by it.