Storytime

Stories

Learning to Keep the Faith in Everyday Life: A Testimony

| Flo

I work from home exclusively and have been doing so for some time. I absolutely love it. It has many advantages like flexibility and zero commuting, but it also has some challenges. One of the main issues I face is occasional technical difficulties. Last week, I found myself in a position where I could not get online using my main internet service provider (ISP) just before my work day started. To compound the issue, my backup option was also out of commission. It was stressful because I knew a number of people were waiting and relying on me to get my work done effectively and on time.

Fortunately, I managed to resolve the issue with my main ISP fairly quickly thanks to my support system (a big shoutout to you, you know who you are). However, I was not so fortunate with my backup. I was very uncomfortable with this scenario because I knew that if anything else happened, I’d have no redundancy to fall back on. “Pray about it,” said that still small voice in my head that I have become so familiar with over the years. Automatically, I started to pray then I paused. I couldn’t continue praying for some reason. I searched my heart and mind, then it came to me. I was struggling with trusting God. And so, I prayed about what I was thinking and feeling instead.

My prayer went something like this: Father God, I want to ask for Your help with my work day today. I am concerned about my internet connectivity and I really want my day to go well. I know that You always answer prayer and that You’re here for me. However, your version of what an answered prayer looks like and mine can sometimes be so different. And so, I am struggling to trust you with my need today because when you say it shall be well, for example, what you mean can be very different from what I am hoping for and expecting. I surrender what I am thinking and feeling to You and ask You to help me with my need as well as trusting You again.

It was a fairly simple but very honest prayer. I immediately felt God respond as I felt a sense of calm, peace and reassurance washed over me. I still wasn’t 100% sure my workday would go the way I hoped, but I was more than confident that God had heard me. He knew my heart and He knew just what I needed. What’s more, God is always good and kind. He considers me and acts out of regard for my well-being. I was reminded that I can always trust in that, in Him. He is dependable even when He doesn’t respond the way I want Him to. That’s not all though. When God requires me to trust me, He also gives me the ability and the strength to do so. When I struggle with my faith, I can ask for help and confidently expect that He won’t turn me away or find fault (James 1:5) Instead, He responds with grace and wisdom.

In case you’re wondering, my workday went very well that day. It ended with me feeling loved, feeling seen, feeling heard, feeling protected and feeling humbled. I have carried that incident with me all week. It has encouraged me and reminded me to trust God like a child trusts her Father who loves her and only wants good things for her. In Jeremiah 29:11, the EasyEnglish version, God says, “I, the Lord, tell you this: I have decided what I will do for you. I have plans to help you to do well. I do not want to hurt you. I want to give you hope for a good life in the future.” The NIV puts it this way:

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

If this has encouraged you, don’t keep it to yourself. Please share it and help to encourage someone else today.

Have a good one!

Love,

A Reminder of What Walking in Faith is Like

| Flo

A short story

A small incident happened today, nothing of consequence but it served as a good lesson. I went to a meeting at church this evening. It was a great time of prayer and worship, just what I needed. I walked away knowing I had encountered the Lord and felt very encouraged.

As I left the meeting, it was getting a bit dark, and I didn’t particularly feel like walking to the lift I would need to take home. I was also hoping not to use the money I had on me so I prayed about it. I asked God for a nice lift home, one that I wouldn’t have to pay for. Immediately, the voice of doubt spoke up. “How would that work though?” it said. I pushed it aside and prayed again as I headed to the lifts, briefly perusing the cars outside for my mum’s car whom I had asked to join me at the prayer meeting. Nothing.

I shrugged it off and headed for my lift, determined to get home and have an early dinner. Unfortunately, it took me about 30 minutes to get a ride and make it home – much longer than I had anticipated. When I got home, my mum came to open the front door which surprised me. She doesn’t usually do that. “What happened?” she asked. Now I was confused until she explained. It turns out she intended to come and pick me up but she got home late from her own meeting and so asked my brother to pick me up.

It warmed my heart that she did that. She didn’t have to but that’s her, always looking out for those she loves. Sadly, my brother and I missed each other. He was still out looking for me. I was disappointed. God had answered my prayer but I had missed it! Perhaps that voice of doubt had stopped me from looking around more carefully for my mum’s car. Had God spoken and I had not heard it because I was so determined to get home using my own plan? I remember feeling prompted to look at my phone but I didn’t want to take it out as I walked in the street so I shrugged it off.

Well, lesson well (re)learnt. This was a great reminder for me that when you ask God for something, take the time to wait for His response. Watch, wait, listen and more importantly, be expectant. Don’t rush ahead and try to do it on your own, using your own wisdom. It would be like calling a friend, saying your piece then dropping the call before your friend has an opportunity to respond. Wouldn’t that be silly 😀

Also, it’s not my job to determine if and how God will accomplish something. My finite mind cannot wrap itself around the infinite possibilities the Lord’s mind can see and call into being. He is the God of the impossible. I am reminded of Abraham’s story (Genesis 12 – 18). God promised Him some extraordinary things that would seem impossible to the human mind. Yet Abraham believed those promises, and not only was it credited to him as righteousness, but it all came to pass! Therefore, all I need to do is believe and trust in God’s faithfulness, truthfulness and ability to do what He says.

Love,

Lessons from a Broken Canister: Living in a broken world under God’s rule

| Flo

I felt the slip and heard the crash almost simultaneously. Glass shattered and fell on the counter before me. Some fell on the floor at my feet. My tea canister smashed on an ordinary day in May of 2022. I’d gone to put it back in its place a little too quickly. It slipped from my hand and crashed on the kitchen counter. Annoyance and sorrow rose up in me. Annoyance because I felt like I could have been more careful with it. Sorrow because I liked my tea canister and now it was gone, shattered, one more thing in a string of things I’d lost lately. 

Turning over the canister, I assessed the damage. My tea bags were still intact and unspoiled, thank God! I do love my tea… and coffee. Part of the bottom of the tea canister was obliterated. The rest of the canister was surprisingly still in good shape. Annoyance and sorrow. To me, that seemed like a very strong emotional response to a broken tea canister. A little disappointment perhaps but sorrow?! Frustration?! Why was I grieving like this over a tea canister? Then, I realised it was because I’d lost a lot lately and began to recount the losses that made me feel sad.

I lost a set of face masks that I loved. They were soft, slick, fashionable and most importantly, breathable. They fell out of my bag, unnoticed. A comfortable pillow that contoured my face just the way I like got lost during a recent relocation. An old notebook that contained vital information I needed got taken out with the trash because I threw it away before I realized what was in it. As I considered these losses, I thought to myself, yes, they were losses for sure, but did they warrant the strong emotional response I was experiencing?

It was then that it hit me! I was living in an internal reality where I felt like nothing in my life lasts. As I was cleaning the shattered glass, I caught myself telling myself, “Don’t be sad. This world is passing away anyway. That’s how it is.” What I saying to myself was that nothing lasts so I should not be surprised nor take it so hard when I lose something or face change. I also realized that this world view, this internal reality, was birthed out of painful and bigger losses – a job loss, the loss of a beloved daughter, the disappearance of financial security, the passing of my dear dad.

I’ve overcome the loss of friends, of love, of investments, of happiness. I’ve faced it with God and He has brought me through to the other side again and again, but I do not remain untouched. Each time I emerge, I’m not quite the same person as before. I’m stronger, richer, more grounded, and refined. Yet, unnoticed, this idea that nothing in my life lasts has taken root. The idea of losing one more person that I love or one more thing that I enjoy or value confronts me and threatens my joy and sense of security. 

But God…

Recently, during a time of prayer and fasting, I was reminded of God’s promise of restoration and protection (Psalm 34, Psalm 91). God promises to give beauty for ashes (Isaiah 61:3), joy for sorrow (Jeremiah 31:13) and to pay back all the years (Joel 2:25-27) that the locusts have eaten i.e. that hardships and misfortune have plundered His children. I remind myself of these promises and hold onto Him who loves me and made those promises out of love. It is not inaccurate to say that this world is passing away. If there is one guarantee that anyone has in this life, it is change. But we can hold onto His promises and unfailing love. He, alone, is unchanging and permanent.

I don’t have to worry about or grieve the impermanence of this world or walk around dreading when the next shoe will drop and neither do you. Change doesn’t have to be fear-inducing. We do not need to become morbid and worry about potential loss which is a natural part of life on Earth. As that old advertising adage goes, “But wait, there is more.” Jesus is the more. He is everlasting, ever-present, all-powerful, faithful and generous. 

God always fulfils his promises! I personally believe I shall see them come true and experience his blessing and goodness even in this passing world. The world may be fleeting but God is not! And in Christ, neither am I! His joy and peace and hope and love are everlasting. I hope to have a full life in this world but I do not hold onto it. I hold on to my Father and His promises and that’s enough for me. That certainly brought me comfort that morning when my tea canister broke.

Love,

Understanding Immanuel: God is With Us

| Flo 
“The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel” (which means “God with us”).
Matthew 1:23 NIV

My dad, may he continue to rest in peace, was very much a present father. He was around for the big moments as well as the little ones. He was there to advise, to guide and watch over his own as best as he could. I’ll always remember that fondly, with gratitude, in my heart.

One such moment was when I went to apply for my national ID card. I could very well have done it by myself, but he chose to accompany me to the government offices, contend with the long queues that inevitably come with such places, and hold my hand through it all simply because he could and he wanted to. We stood for what seemed like an eternity in the queue outside the offices until, finally, we made it into the building. 

Inside, there was more queueing, but at least this time, there were benches to sit on. Mindful of me, he chose to continue standing instead so I could have a seat. I headed to the seat, and just as I was about to sit, this older gentleman rushed up and sat in the seat my dad had made sure to reserve for me. I was annoyed but I remembered my manners. “Excuse me,” I said, trying to get his attention politely and meekly.

I was ignored. I decided to leave it alone. After all, standing never hurt anybody. Unbeknownst to me, my dad had witnessed the whole thing because he had been standing nearby, a little to the side. “Excuse me,” he said and merely pointed to the bench. “Oh, would you like to sit?” the gentleman quickly and politely responded. “No,” daddy said, now pointing to me, “that’s my daughter.”

The man quickly caught on that he was being called out for what he had just done. My dad did not have to explain further or make a fuss. His authority as an adult and an older man in the patriarchal and hierarchical society I was born into was more than enough. The man apologised and made room for me to sit. I thanked him, sat down, and life went on as it should have to begin with. 

That incident jumped at me just now as I was praying about my faith, life, and intimacy with God and His response, as it has been many times, especially lately was, “I am with you.” I have been praying for a deeper and more personal revelation and understanding of what that means. I believe that if I understood that fact a lot better, then some of the fears and worries I face in my day-to-day life wouldn’t exist, or at least they would lose their power over me. I feel that if I understood the implications of God’s presence in a deeply personal and radical way, it would unlock a potential in my spiritual walk I have not attained yet. 

So, it is in this context that this story came to mind. I’ve heard that our relationship with our earthy fathers, be they biological or otherwise, can be a blueprint for our relationship with our Heavenly Father, and I’ll have to agree. This incident at the ID issuing office is a case in point. Sometimes, the enemy of our souls attacks us, seeking to gain territory that God has reserved for us. The enemy tries to steal what God has for us right from under us. Yet God will not allow it. As a good and present father who watches over us, He steps in. Just staking His claim on us as His children who belong solely to Him is enough to cause the enemy to fall back and release what is ours.

At other times, circumstances or other people’s actions unseat us. On other occasions, we give up our territory. Perhaps we respond with timidity or make excuses. But God sees it all and fights for us. He responds with grace and justice. He tips the scales in our favour. He does not allow us to be bullied, nor does He allow us to shrink back from our destiny in Him. With authority, He steps in on our behalf because we are His. God, being omnipotent, has the highest authority. No power can stand against Him, and if he is for us, no power can stand against us (Romans 8:31).

The cry of my heart is, “Lord, reveal what it truly means when you say you’re with me.” To me, this memory was a reminder, a glimpse of what it means when God says He is with us. What does “God with us” mean to you? What has God taught you and revealed about this aspect of His? Please share. I would love to hear your thoughts or experiences. Perhaps you have the same desire to know more intimately what the implications of God being with us really are. Stay tuned as I will share what God places on my heart as I continue to believe for that revelation.

May God take you deeper and reveal things you do not know. He says, “Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.” Jeremiah 33:3 NIV 

Prayer:
Dear Lord Jesus, I thank you that you are ‘Immanuel, Lord with us’. You are my indwelling help and strength through every season of my life. I ask you today for a deep and personal revelation of You. Shine your face upon me and reveal more of your character, your ways and your power. I want to have intimate communion with you and understand more fully what your presence in my life means and looks like practically each day. All glory and praise, dominion and power, honour and strength belong to you. I worship You as Lord of my life and give you thanks. I wait on you with expectant hope as you reveal more of the great and unsearchable things I do not know.
Hallelujah and amen

Love,

The Subtle Idols We Hold: A Reflection on Faith

| Flo

I’m sitting close to the front like I always do, listening to the minister preaching. Today, he’s talking about idols – the things we hold near and dear. The things that can take the place of God.

I listen to him talk about vices, the things that spring to mind first when we think about idolatry. The things that feed our greed or fears or desires so easily. Then he starts talking about the second type of things we idolise, the things that are not as intuitive. He talks about exercise, careers, being a good friend, family, and even worship or ministry. The things that are considered good and even glorify Him, but we have the tendency to make them about us or try to receive from them what we should be receiving from God alone.

In any case, now I’m super attentive, and the message is resonating with me. For example, I find it so easy to get caught up in worship songs as they comfort me, minister to my soul and form part of my day-to-day life. It can be problematic if they start to provide meaning in and of themselves as opposed to drawing me closer to God or worshipping Him. Sometimes, we forget we are lifting up Jesus and honouring Him. It’s about the tune, the melody, the lyrics, the joy of singing, the memories it evokes, and perhaps not as much about Jesus as it should be. Exercise is another big one for me. I confess that I find it a lot easier at times to commit and wake up early for a hike or a morning workout than for Bible reading or time with God. 

What about the countless times I’ve cared more about a loved one’s opinion than God’s. It’s ever so subtle, like consulting them first before praying and feeling like you’ve gotten all the counsel you need and you never get to talk to God about it. So now, my interest was piqued as the pastor spoke. Towards the end of the sermon, he asked everyone to consider what they’ve been idolising, especially the subtle and virtuous things we don’t realise we put before God. Is it a spouse? Is it friendship? Is It work? Is it being a worship leader? Is it being a minister? Is it a child? And there it was…

“Okay, Father Dad, I am giving her to you. I still hope and pray you’ll bring miraculous healing but she is yours. I surrender her to you.”

God spoke to me in that moment and brought the baby I was carrying to mind. She was suffering from a fatal disease in utero, but up till then, I had been praying and believing for a miracle. It was towards the end of the pregnancy, just over a month to go. And clear as day, I heard my Heavenly Father say to me, “Give her to me.” Still, quiet, gentle but unmistakable. “Give her to me.” I was shocked. I turned it this way and that way in my head. I stored it in my heart and wrestled with it all the way home, but by the time I arrived home, I had a response. “Okay, Father Dad, I am giving her to you. I still hope and pray you’ll bring miraculous healing but she is yours. I surrender her to you.”

Funny that, isn’t it? She was already His. Entrusted to me for a time but, ultimately, she was already His and here I was, wrestling to give back what wasn’t mine to begin with. A week later, I was in hospital, water broken. She was coming! The week had been the hardest week. I was sad. I was depressed. I just knew in my soul that I wouldn’t get to keep her. Though I had willingly given my daughter to her Heavenly Father, it hurt like nothing I had ever experienced before or since. Another week passed and she was born on a surreal Friday and went home to heaven to be with her Heavenly Father. I told her we would see each other again and sing a thousand hallelujahs on the other side of the veil.

I would like to believe she was a worshipper of note. She always moved a lot during praise and worship in church or when I was upset. That may seem like nothing but not for her. Because of her condition, she couldn’t and didn’t move much. I believe she was such an empath and she loved to praise her Father. Many, many years have passed since that Friday, since that promise. Today, I was reminded of it because of a TV show – someone going through my story, right down to the baptism of her baby soon after birth before the baby passed.

A couple of things stood out to me. Though my eyes welt up with tears a little bit, there was no pain. All I could say was God, you are good, through it all. The fact that I am no longer bent and broken inside and I can think of her fondly, feeling blessed can only be God. I didn’t know what was going to happen. I didn’t know whether I was going to be okay. Lots of advice and choices came my way but there was one choice I made that made all the difference – faith in Jesus and His faithfulness. He came through again and again. He is still doing so.

God is a good father. He showed up and taught me He is trustworthy. He showed me that He is the Good Shepherd. He introduced Himself as the lover of my soul, Faithful and True, Saviour King, Redeemer, ever-present Help and so much more. I chose to believe Him and, my oh my, He is the gift that keeps on giving all manner of goodness.

Are you in a storm today? Perhaps you’re searching for answers? Who do you commit your plans to? Have you put your hopes, dreams, desires in things – maybe even good things – but something tells you that’s not “IT”, there has to be more? Or maybe you needed a reminder today – a story like mine? I urge you to make a choice. Choose Jesus. Ask Him to introduce Himself to you and show you who He is if you don’t know Him. Perhaps you do but your perspective of Him is dulled and skewed by life or pain or too many voices or other choices. 

Invite Him in once more. Ask Him to do what only He can, what only He knows you need from Him.

Love,

Flo 

Stillness III

| Flo

Of mind, heart and soul. 

It’s a cold, cloudy and windy but beautiful Sunday. I had a late night last night watching series. At some point, I told myself that I should sleep because I would struggle to wake up in time for church the next day. Yet I carried on watching nonetheless. A slight pang of guilt stabbed at me. I brushed it aside. I set my mind on attending church online instead of going in physically the next day. Interestingly, I woke up in good time for church today. One of the first things I did when I woke was draw my curtains. It had been raining last night and it was still overcast and looked like rain.

I reaffirm my decision to attend church online and set about my morning routine before preparing for church. Something is nagging at me though. I realise it is because I didn’t spend quiet time with God yesterday like I intended to. I also come face-to-face with the fact that I have been hiding from God, running from Him. I pause what I am busy with and approach God. I start to talk to Him and as I do, I come to the realisation that I have been trying to do so many things on my own i.e. using my knowledge and capabilities as opposed to relying on God. 

“Little flock over here has been trying to fix it and build it herself. I thought I was past that!” I say to God (this is something I have struggled with a lot). No wonder I’ve been avoiding, hiding, running. Realising there are some attitudes, motivations, desires and reasoning that I need to allow God to deal with, to work on, I put on some worship music. I pray as I sing and sing as I pray asking God to prune, mould, and reshape as He sees fit. A sense of peace begins to wash over me. Finally, it is time to attend church online. I have been looking forward to it and worshipping corporately with my church community.

Sadly, there is a technical glitch. Initially, I’m very disappointed and a thought pops into my head, “This wouldn’t have happened if you’d gone to church physically.” I ignore it. Guilt and condemnation are not from God. I decide to load a sermon from a few weeks back that I’d missed at the time. I’m glad I did because several things in that sermon resonated with me. Like me, the preacher had gone through a period of asking God, “What next?” Like me, the preacher had gone through a period of discovering and growing to understand, with God’s help, her gifts, her calling, her identity and her place. 

She drew parallels from many women in the Bible (it was a Mother’s Day message) like Mary the mother of Jesus and Elizabeth the mother of John the Baptist. These women had experiences and encounters that may have challenged or confused them. Not only did these women ponder and meditate on these things, they had the blessing of having other women come alongside them and affirm them and the calling Christ had placed on them. She spoke of how we can do the same for others. We can intentionally point the people God has placed in our lives to Jesus Christ. 

We can encourage them to become who Christ has called them to be. Likewise, we can allow God to shape us and lead us into who He created us to be more and more. We can connect with Him and discover who we are and understand our calling in Him. It was, once again, a message that felt tailor-made for me for the exact moment I found myself in. I found myself recalling all the times I have asked God what my place and purpose is. Sure, it is to serve and glorify Him, this I know. What I have asked and continue to ask of God is, “Show me what that looks like on a granular level, on a practical level, on a day-to-day basis”.

Love,

Stillness II

| Flo

Of mind, heart and soul.

The sun is out and the weather is mild – not too hot, not too cold, just perfect. There’s a slight breeze blowing every now and then. It is Friday mid-afternoon and the roads are fairly quiet. I decided it was a perfect day for a walk. I wanted to get in a bit of exercise and, usually, I couple that with an errand where possible. I’d run out of sugar and I needed to replace a canister that had broken a couple of days earlier. So, I put on some comfortable walking shoes, grab a mask, and my purse and off I go.

As I walk out of my apartment complex gate, I smile and wave at the security guards at the gate. I always make it a point to greet them. They smile and greet me back, one with a nod and a formal, “Good afternoon,” and the other with a more casual, “Hello, sisi”. I keep smiling as I walk on, thinking about the differences in their personalities. Formal guy takes himself and his job very, very seriously. I noticed this the first time I met him. Casual guy is the embodiment of happy-go-lucky. He never seems to have a bad day.

The first half of my walk goes by fairly quickly. My thoughts turn to an upsetting conversation I’d had earlier. I turn it over this way and that way in my head, processing it. I pray about it briefly then let it go. Next, my thoughts turn to daydreaming. I enjoy creating scenarios in my head, allowing myself to dream. At some point, my attention turns to the people around me. I indulge in some people-watching for some time, another one of my favourite pastimes. People do fascinate me so.

Then I notice the sun is shining directly onto me and I’m getting uncomfortably warm. I cross the road to walk under the shade that the left-hand side of the road offers. I haven’t been to this neighbourhood in a long time and memories flood in from a time in my life when I used to frequent that area almost every day. Looking around, I see so many things have changed and yet many have stayed the same. It is the same with me. In many ways, I have stayed the same, and yet, I have changed in so many other ways.

Finally, I reach my destination and I buy my sugar. While I’m at it, I see some cinnamon sugar that’s reduced to clear next to the regular sugar. I grab the shaker and mentally picture all the things I would do with it. A mental image of a yummy latte with a few shakes of cinnamon sugar causes me to start salivating. Then, I remember that I haven’t eaten all day save for a pear. As I leave the shop, I also remember that I intended to find a quiet space and visit with God. I need to be still in the presence of God, surrendering everything to Him.


It’s so easy to get caught up in your own desires and needs.

I also realise the day will be over soon and if I wait until I get home, this may not happen today. I decide to find my quiet and still space right there during my walk. At first, it isn’t easy, not because of everything going on around me, but because of everything going on within me. I had to admit to God that I was afraid to truly hear what He has to say. What if I don’t like it? I was equally apprehensive about not hearing anything at all. I believe that when we move towards God, He moves near to us (James 4:8) but I was scared nonetheless.

After my daydreaming earlier in my walk, it seemed clear to me that I needed to do more of seeking the kingdom of God first. It’s so easy to get caught up in your own desires and needs. So, I confess these fears and the inner congestion to God. I walk and talk with God, becoming more aware of my inner state of being and of my surroundings as well. I begin to surrender everything to God. How does one surrender? I think I know but I ask God to remind and show me how to surrender, nonetheless, and lead me because I can’t accomplish it without Him.

I walk past a beautiful block of apartments that catches my eye. I chat to God about it as I admire how it’s built. I get distracted for a little while by the people, the cars and everything going on around me. I realise I’m feeling vulnerable, so it is easier to focus on other things. “I will not run away or hide,” I say to God, “I will run to You instead and hide in the shadow of your wings,” (Psalm 91:4). I talk to God some more about my inner-most thoughts. As I walk, I find that I want to keep walking until I find myself in a new place, a place of adventure and discovery, a place of new beginnings…

Love,

Stillness

| Flo

Of mind, heart and soul.

My best friend and I had a call and, true to form, it was a long call. We spoke for a good two hours. The call was just what I needed. I had had a particularly challenging week on so many fronts which resulted in reflection and asking myself some really hard life questions. I needed someone to talk to about and potentially help me navigate the head space I found myself in. I’m very blessed to have friends and family with whom I can speak freely.

What did I need to talk about? Well, what do you do when you find yourself in a space where you’re not happy with where you are in life or the trajectory that you are on. The short and obvious answer is change it. It’s never too late to pivot, to change your life and start investing in yourself and in the future you dream of. It’s never too late rebuild. I have been on this journey for a little while now and have invested a lot time and energy on rebuilding and pivoting.

I have prayed many times and asked God for guidance and help. I believe I’ve seen and heard God respond in several ways, some of them surprising, some of them challenging, most of them exciting. Many of them are promises; they have not yet come to pass. I’ve attended masterclasses and watched more webinars than I care to count. I’ve started to read again, something that had fallen on the back burner in the busyness of adulting as did my writing. I have done a lot of introspecting. I have tried as best as I could to implement what I’ve learnt.

As long as there is breath in my body, I am resolved to do the work I need to do to become a better version of me and live the life I believe I am called to live. The challenge though is that it is not always clear what that looks like and, or how to get there. It can also be very difficult and demoralising when you do not see the results for your efforts yet. It’s very easy to start feeling or operating like that fly at the window bashing it’s body against it in a bid to get outside not knowing that that’s a fruitless path.

So there I was, pouring my heart out to Bestie. I expected we were going to breakout the pen and paper at some point and systematically rework ‘the plan’ as it were. Instead, she said something I did not anticipate. She encouraged me to find a space, physical or otherwise, where I can be still and in a state of surrender.

In that space I should sit with God and leave room for Him to be God. Like that fly against the window, it may be that I am bashing myself on a path that is not for me. Meanwhile, God wants to show me an open window I can fly through and soar.

On the other hand, perhaps the fly analogy does not apply to me and I need to keep pushing forward in faith – on a side note, why am I even using a fly analogy? I find them repulsive, but anyway, I digress. Either way, the best thing I can do is to still myself, still my soul and wait on God. This reminded me of a sermon I heard some years ago about waiting on God. The preacher described how waiting on God cleaves you to Him. That is, you stick closely and are glued to Him. He went onto to add that cleaving to God makes you stronger and provides you with the best support to rise, to grow.

He gave an example of a climbing vine growing against a wall or structure. Without the support, this vine cannot rise or grow well. However, once it has grown on and intertwined with a structure, it is stronger and cannot be easily torn down. That sermon really spoke to me at the time and I recalled it as Bestie spoke. Her words resonated with me even more as a result. I was focused on what I needed to do, when I needed to do it and how I was going to do it. These are not negative things to keep in mind; however, it all was starting to feel a bit too much for me.

I was feeling discouraged and overwhelmed by the sheer amount of stuff I wanted and needed to accomplish. Quite frankly, I was starting to look for an escape. Well, I may have found one. I’m looking forward to finding a serene and beautiful space to sit and visit with God. I’m anticipating stillness of mind where I surrender the myriad of thoughts and plans and questions running through my head. I am looking forward to the stillness in my soul, nothing weighing on me. My heart shall be still as I seek God and what He has in store on the other side of this season. Even now, I feel the peace of God flooding in.

Love,

Ask and you shall receive

| Flo

Is anything too big or too small for God?

I hate being sick. I think everybody does. Unfortunately, I succumbed to a head cold just over a day ago. It started off with some body aches, a general sense of malaise and some nasal congestion in the evening. I had nothing for it but I knew the drill. I planned to go to the pharmacy and get my usual head cold medicine early the next day – yes, usual because I am prone to head colds.

The next morning, I woke up feeling significantly worse. I did some work I couldn’t get away with not doing then decided to take a nap before heading to the pharmacy. Sadly, my body had other ideas. It seemed like it had decided to wage war against me. I had a terrible headache straight from the pits of hell. I couldn’t sneeze or cough without feeling like I’d burst several capillaries. Opening my eyes was an impossible feat and I felt dizzy. I ended up staying in bed pretty much all day.

When I woke up in the evening and still felt terrible, I decided to pray. It was too late to go to the pharmacy and I was having the worst time with no medication in the house. I prayed for my headache to subside and for relief from the aches and pains I was feeling. My prayers were so modest. Luckily, Jesus is anything but frugal in His giving. I didn’t feel the relief the split second I prayed, but I did not have to wait long. My headache subsided and I began to feel a bit better, so I prayed again, and again. Then I felt it. The shift. The difference in how I felt was so marked!

You know, I used to do this all the time. When I would get sick, my first port of call would be to pray for healing. It was so effective. At some point, I stopped doing that so much. After I prayed and felt so much better, I remembered my prayers for healing in the past and I thought, “Oh, Flo! How could you forget to pray?” I caught myself wondering what things I had gone through that I didn’t have to experience if only I had prayed. Thankfully, I also felt a sense of grace. I am learning to treat myself as Jesus would, and He definitely would lovingly remind or convict me instead of admonishing me the way I had been doing.

Today, I finally managed to get to the pharmacy and got some medication. I still feel a bit under the weather. This time though, instead of going through it seemingly alone and hoping for the best, I am putting my hope and trust in God and praying for a full and swift recovery. In fact, I believe it is already done.

“Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.” 
Matthew 7:7 NLT

Love,