God is sovereign and merciful through it all

Yesterday morning, a vivid and very disturbing image popped into my head a couple of times, out of the blue. I had the mental image of my sister hurt, bleeding, and lying on the ground from a car accident. It was a troubling and unpleasant image. There was no discernible reason for the image to pop into my head. As troubling as the image was, it didn’t scare me. It did weird me out though. I remember rebuking myself that such an image would pop into my head even though I knew I hadn’t conjured it up. I carried on with my morning routine and put the horrible image out of my mind. My sister was getting ready for her day at this point and I was also going through my morning routine.

As I was having breakfast, my sister walked in to grab a bite to eat before heading out. It was an ordinary morning and we got to chatting about how she was running late and the amount of work she had on her plate for the day. I watched her gather her things to leave and I remember wishing her good luck with her workday. She had just left when I had another mental image of her lying on the ground, hurt and bleeding. This time, I prayed about it. I can’t remember what I said exactly but it was a simple prayer for her safety on the road and for strength and divine assistance for the work she had to do that day.

I went about my day as normal, occasionally watching the clock because I knew my sister had an important meeting later in the day. A couple of hours after she’d left, at about midday, she called to say she had just witnessed an accident on the way into work. She’d stopped at a traffic light and as she was about to move off after the light went green, something distracted her. She cannot recall or explain what distracted her. What she remembers is that it delayed her moving into the intersection. As she moved forward, she saw a vehicle approaching at high speed. It didn’t look like the car was going to stop even though the light was red on that car’s side. Thankfully, she was just beginning to accelerate and so she managed to brake in the nick of time. The other car had to swerve to avoid her. It was so close.

According to my sister, it was likely that the car would have hit her directly given its proximity to her driver side. Unfortunately for the driver in the lane next to her, they did not see the high-speed car approaching. They drove into the intersection and the oncoming car hit their rear passenger side. When I got the news about how she’d witnessed a car accident, I was understandably shaken. I could only imagine just how shaken she was. Yet though I was shaken, I couldn’t help but praise Jesus for what he had done for her. If you’ve been following my blog, you’ll remember me saying that my mum once told me that, as a child of God, God will often tell you what he is about to do before he does it out of regard for you.

If you haven’t been following my blog or missed that particular story, you may read it here. What had seemed like a random and deeply upsetting thought turned out to be God making known what he was doing or about to do. God, who is outside of time, foresaw the sequence of events that was about to unfold. He arranged for intercession on behalf of my sister before she even left home. He prompted me to pray for her. In addition to that, my sister later told me that she’d felt a need to listen to sermons that morning. She’d listened to several sermons for over two hours as she prepared for her day! That was out of her usual routine. Both of us could only conclude that the desire was God inspired. God, who loves my sister with a fierce and protective love, has a specific plan and purpose for her and her life just as he does for you and me. He saw to her safety and protection on the road according to that purpose and plan.

One takeaway for me here is to be quick and diligent to pray. This is especially true for unsettling, troubling, and unusual thoughts or dreams or situations. God is always at work and chooses to partner with us in the work that he does. He allowed me to partner with him by interceding on my sister’s behalf. Prayer is a great way to tap into and align ourselves with God’s purpose and with the work that he is doing. Secondly, it’s important to be obedient to any prompts that you feel God is placing on your heart. My sister obeyed the prompting to listen to sermons before her day started. They reminded her of God’s presence and drew her attention to him. He poured out his love and showed regard for her through those sermons. In hindsight, it primed her for the tough day she was about to have. It also made her aware and even more grateful for what God had done.

Another lesson I see in this story is to stay close to God. Proximity to and intimacy with God makes it easier to see and hear what he is doing and saying. Being close to God also strengthens, comforts, and empowers you to face any situation. Lastly but certainly not least is praise and worship. I praise God for his mercy, his sovereignty, his majesty, his wisdom, his protection, and his provision. I thank him for watching over my sister. I’m super grateful that she is okay albeit shaken and somewhat traumatised. If you’re a person of prayer, join me in thanking and praising God for his goodness and mercy. Please pray for those involved in the accident – for them and for their families. Finally, pray for safe and conscientious driving on the roads in general especially as we are heading towards the festive season and all the merriment it entails 🙏😊 Thanks, friends.

Love,

Jehovah took us there and back again safely

I was creating a playlist of worship songs from Zimbabwe the other day. I’d been longing to listen and sing along to music in my mother tongue, Shona. I wanted to immerse myself in rhythms and beats that were unmistakably Zimbabwean. This is something I don’t get to do often enough, and so I did a broad search on a music streaming service for Zimbabwean worship music. That’s how I came across a song titled Ebenezer – Tiri Munyasha by Rev. Chivaviro which I immediately recognised. I’d heard it countless times before although I didn’t know who sung it or what it was called until that moment. It took me back to a road trip I took to Masvingo with my parents back in 2016.

Masvingo is a small city in the south-east of Zimbabwe and I was travelling to visit my family that lives there. The city is close to the village where my mum grew up called Zaka and I travelled to visit my granny on my mum’s side who still lived there as well. I absolutely love road trips and this one was no different – the sights, the long stretch of road as we put the pedal to the metal, the conversations and quality time with my parents, the music, even the comfortable silences every now and then. As road trips go, this one was rather uneventful. Still, I remember it fondly. If you want to get to know a person or a place then take a road trip. You’ll probably have rich experiences of both to remember.

One thing that does stick out about the trip was how hot it was. It was September and the temperature was punishing but luckily it was cool in the car. I also remember the levels of backseat driving that were happening. As my mum drove, my dad was telling her that she needed to slow down. He gave several reasons why she needed to go much slower than the speed limit. The one that we debated on was when he pointed out how the temperature of the day and the faster speed compromised the car tyres. According to him, it was prudent, therefore, to drive much slower. I remember my mum laughing heartily at this thinking it was rather far-fetched. We both thought he was exaggerating the effects of the heat on the tyres to make his point.

Eventually, he stopped talking about the speed but now and then he’d make a slow-down signal with his hand which seemed to drive my mum nuts. When it was my dad’s turn to drive, I was amused to see that he drove at roughly the same speed as my mum. Of course, she was convinced he was going faster than she had been. She did not miss the opportunity to do some backseat driving of her own, telling him to slow down. I found the entire thing quite entertaining. “Two peas in a pod”, I thought to myself. Another thing that sticks out is, of course, the Ebenezer song I previously mentioned. We had been listening to varied music but the Ebenezer song was repeated more than others.

At some point during the return trip, Ebenezer was placed on repeat indefinitely and we listened to it all the way home. I can’t recall who put the song on repeat but both my mum and dad seemed to be really enjoying the song. I lost count of how many times I heard it that day. Even when I tried to steer us to other songs we’d quickly land back on Ebenezer. At some point, I couldn’t take it anymore. At the risk of being anti-social, I put on some music on my phone and drowned out Ebenezer through my earphones. It was either that or have an outburst 😃. It actually helped and before long, we were back home in Bulawayo, safe and sound and outburst free. I was pretty sure that if I never heard that song again in my life it’d be too soon.

What happened the next day changed my mind about the song though. In fact, I look back on the trip with a new perspective, even the backseat driving on speed. My mum and I went into the city in the afternoon to run some errands. As we left one shop, a stranger pointed out that there seemed to be something wrong with the front tyre. We both examined it and saw that it looked slightly fuller than the others. Since we only had a couple of things left on our to-do list, we decided to finish our errands then stop by the garage (service station) on the way home. We arrived at the next shop, parked the car, and started for the entrance. A car guard stopped us to say that there seemed to be a bubble in our front car tyre.

We both examined the tyre again and saw that it looked slightly worse than before. There was a bubble that had formed in the tyre. We decided to complete our last errand then give my dad a call about the tyre. Whilst we were in the shop, we heard a loud bang that startled everyone including us. I remember mummy and I speculating what the loud sound was and where it was coming from. Nonetheless, we completed our errands and made it back to the car. That’s when we realised that the loud bang we’d heard had been our car tyre bursting. The car guard confirmed what and how it had happened. Thankfully, no one was injured. We called my dad and waited for help, all the while reflecting on what had just happened.

A burst tyre on the road, especially when driving at speed, can cause a serious accident. We were so grateful that we had driven over 700 km from Bulawayo to Masvingo to Zaka and back again with no incident. We had driven around a crowded city the next day, again, with no incident. The tyre burst when the car was safely parked and there was no one near enough to the car to get hurt. To us, the timing and sequence of events seemed like God’s protection over us. Firstly, the car and its tyres were new. It had been purchased earlier in the year. Secondly, it is our standard to have our cars checked before a road trip. It was cleared for travel. l point that out to say that no one – well, no one but daddy – could have reasonably anticipated the burst tyre.

Yet my dad specifically mentioned heat and speed compromising the car tyres during our road trip as if he had anticipated it. He had stayed on my mum’s case about driving well below the speed limit. My mum had also insisted that he drive below the speed limit. The lyrics of the chorus to the song Ebenezer stick out to me when I reflect on that trip:

Tinoti Ebenezer! 
(We sing Ebenezer!) 
Nesuwo tiri munyasha. 
(We too are covered by His grace) 
Zvairema, zvichirwadza, asi Jehovah vatisvitsa pano
 (Sometimes it was tough, painful, but Jehovah has brought us thus far)

Ebenezer means stone of help or commemoration of divine assistance as illustrated in the book of Samuel in the Bible. To be covered by grace means to be shown divine assistance or kindness or support that you’ve have done nothing to earn. As we waited, my mum and I reflected on how we were protected by God’s grace on that road trip. Some may say, “What a coincidence!” I say thank you, Jesus, for watching over us diligently and protecting us from harm. While we waited for my day we braced ourselves for the I-told-you-so’s that would inevitably come from him. They never came. When we later asked him if there was anything specific that had made him concerned about the tyres on that road trip, he said there wasn’t. It was just the possibility of it happening that had him so concerned. I would say it was Ebenezer!

Love,

Ways to cope when life deals you a heavy blow

One of my worst fears has just been realised. Just over three weeks ago, my father passed away. I pause just after typing that. It still feels so surreal, as though it were a dream or someone else’s story, not mine. The reality of it is still sinking in despite the ache that I feel in my broken heart. I’ve carried the fear of losing a loved one for a while now because, for one, it is devastating especially when it’s someone that close to you. I come from a close-knit family and now my family feels incomplete. There is a gap that daddy left that no one else can ever fill. Secondly, I have been here before. Ten years ago, I lost a daughter named Ruthe. The day she died, a part of me died with her. I gradually learnt to live again but I have lived in fear of going through that experience again ever since.

I noticed that since then, I wanted to hold on to my loves and never let go. I became more diligent about collecting memories, taking photos every chance I got. I could not part ways with a loved one before I properly documented the experience. I also tried to make sure that I didn’t leave things unsaid or undone just in case I did not get another opportunity. I remember certain moments vividly because I was intentional about being present and then filing away the experience in my memory bank so I could relive them again and again. On a subconscious level, I knew this memory bank would become a treasure trove when the time inevitably came that I didn’t have my loves with me anymore. It’s only now as I write this that I recognise what it was that I was doing.

One such time of memory collecting was four months ago at a cousin’s wedding. A wedding song was sung that my father requested. I saw him walk to the DJ to make the request and he made sure that it was slotted into the programme. When it was sung, he seemed to delight in it so much. I was seated at a table behind him and I watched him, his side profile, as he looked at the lead singer and sang along. He clearly didn’t know most of the words but he sang along nonetheless. He had this expression of pure joy on his face and his joy brought me joy. Daddy sometimes exhibited curiosity and joy that was pure and almost child-like and I loved it. So I filed this memory away like so many others in anticipation of the day when my fear might be realised and I couldn’t watch him or his joy anymore.

Yet somehow, through this loss, I no longer experience that fear as I did before. It somehow seems to have lost its power over me. Perhaps it’s a classic case where the anticipation of something happening is far worse than the actual thing itself. Perhaps it’s an acceptance of the inevitability of death and loss that I did not have before. Perhaps it’s the peace of God that I am experiencing. Perhaps it’s all of these things or maybe it’s something else, a reason I am yet to grasp. All I know is that I seem to be coping better than I ever imagined I would. I am heartbroken and devastated yet I also feel peace and hope. I want to share some of the things I am finding helpful in dealing with this loss.

My Faith

I believe in Jesus Christ. I believe that the Bible is God’s Word. According to that Word, Jesus holds daddy’s spirit just like He holds my daughter’s spirit. He counted out all of their days on this earth and when their days were done, He called them home to Himself. I believe they sleep now but I have the expectant hope that when the time comes, they shall be woken to live out in eternity with God. I believe that I will be called home someday as well. I was put on earth for a purpose and when it’s fulfilled I will also rest until I am woken or resurrected to live out forever with God and my loves. This belief comforts and strengthens me.

When I first wake up and the realisation hits me all over again that daddy’s gone, or when a memory of him brings me to tears I cry. Yet I do not cry in vain or in despair because of the expectant hope I carry. I also believe in the power of prayer. When I pray, I feel God comforting me and even taking my pain away. I pray in the moments when I feel unsure of this hope I carry or feel overwhelmed with sorrow. I feel at peace in my heart when I seemingly have no reason to because I look to a higher power. He brings me hope and strength for each moment of each day. He sustains me such that I feel a lightness of being. 

Relying on My Loves

Something else I’m finding so helpful in dealing with loss is reaching out to my family and my friends. I lean on my mum, my siblings, and extended family now more than ever just as they lean on me. My friends are a lifeline I draw on again and again. I always say that when I count my blessings, my loves, the people I hold near and dear, are right at the top of the list. A phone call, a text message, or sometimes just knowing they are available has been something I rely on every day. When I need to give expression to my grief, whatever that looks like in the moment, they allow me to do that and are there for me. Sometimes I just want to have a regular conversation. Sometimes I don’t want to speak at all. They are available through it all. If you’re reading this my loves, thank you very much. I love you deeply.

Doing What I Love

Doing what I love and enjoy can be so cathartic. For me, this means enjoying the simple ordinary pleasures of everyday life. I call this “going back to basics”. I find it can be healing for me. Things that I enjoy but would ordinarily take for granted give me something to do in the moments when, in my grief, I don’t know what to do with myself. They are like food for my hurting and broken soul. I take pleasure in a hot beverage much like Sheldon Cooper would recommend. Coffee or tea usually does the trick. At times, I sip it as though it were the last drink I will ever have. It reminds me that I am still alive especially in the moments when I feel like I really don’t want to go on. 

I take a walk in the park and immerse myself in the experience. I take a refreshing hot shower and feel grateful that I have hot running water. This past weekend I went to the beach. It was painful because I experience memories of daddy pretty much everywhere I go. The beach was no different. I tell myself it’s an indication of how much I loved him and the good times we shared. It’s a testament to the relationship we had. I tell myself the hurt will subside but the memories will remain. Sometimes I watch an inspirational or funny video. Whatever feels good at that moment, no matter how mundane or ordinary gets me through the rough moments. In short, I give myself some extra TLC.

Holding onto Good Memories

When something terrible happens, it may be difficult to remember the good times or to find the good in the world. I find that in those moments, my soul yearns for the good much like my lungs might yearn for air in an oxygen-deprived environment. Thankfully, I have a rich memory bank to draw from. I was pleasantly surprised and grateful at the good memories that flooded my brain even moments after hearing of daddy’s passing. I felt the need to surround myself with photos and thoughts of him, the things he said, the things he did, the things he loved and enjoyed. Every day I remember the good times we shared, the good things he did, and taught me. I talk about it every chance I get. I allow myself to be blessed and enriched by it even if, right now, it’s mixed with sorrow. When the sorrow clears, only the good will remain.

Talking About It

Grieving is a very challenging and difficult process. It is painful, life-altering, and may rock you to your core. You will need help as you go through it. One of the things that help is talking about it. They say a problem shared is a problem halved. I don’t know about halving but speaking what’s on my mind and heart has been really helpful. I give myself permission to talk about where I’m at emotionally, psychologically, etcetera. I say to give myself permission because a lot of the times I want to bottle in it. I am an introvert. I am a private person. Plus, I come from an African culture where talking it out isn’t the norm. I am intentional about letting it all out when I talk to my family and friends or when I am in a space where I feel safe and encouraged to talk it out. 

Choosing to Go On

This is a tough one. I will not lie to you, my friends. How do you go on when your life shifts in such a profound and painful way? How do you pick up the pieces when your world and your heart feel shattered? In the first few days after daddy passed, same as when Ruthe did, I remember watching people around me and thinking to myself, “How can they carry on as if the world is still the same? They are blissfully unaware that someone who meant the world to me isn’t in this world anymore. Even those that are aware aren’t affected as I have been. The world needs to take a pause.” 

However, the world doesn’t pause. Time doesn’t stand still. Whilst that sucks, I also find that there is power and a quiet strength I get from choosing to go on. Some days, going on means just making it out of bed and taking a shower. Yesterday I made it out of bed only to get back into bed at midday, vowing to “go on” later on because I couldn’t at that moment. Other days it means I have a productive, ‘normal’ day, ticking stuff off my task list and feeling like I have things under control. Whatever it looks like on any given day, I choose to carry on.

Taking Things Moment by Moment

A good friend of mine likes to say, ”How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.” I’m not sure why we’re eating elephants but I like the analogy. The best way to get past a mammoth task is one small step at a time. Learning to live in my new reality is a daunting and painful task I can only do step by step. Sometimes a step is 5 seconds because I feel I only have the strength and will to make it past the next 5 seconds. At times, a step is an entire day. Over time, I know a step will get longer and longer. What I need the most now is to be patient with myself and not rush the process. 

Helping Others

I find that shifting my focus to others’ needs and how I can help them to be very healing for me and possibly for them as well. I feel less alone when I help someone else. I feel really good about myself. My own pain doesn’t go away but taking the time to help someone with their need takes my mind of mine. I also like the idea of using my experience and pain to bring about some good for someone else. That, in turn, also surrounds me with goodness. Of course, this not an exhaustive list but these are the main things that are helping me the most during this time. I hope you get some value out of reading this and perhaps using some of it.

Love,