A small incident happened today, nothing of consequence but it served as a good lesson. I went to a meeting at church this evening. It was a great time of prayer and worship, just what I needed. I walked away knowing I had encountered the Lord and felt very encouraged.
As I left the meeting, it was getting a bit dark, and I didn’t particularly feel like walking to the lift I would need to take home. I was also hoping not to use the money I had on me so I prayed about it. I asked God for a nice lift home, one that I wouldn’t have to pay for. Immediately, the voice of doubt spoke up. “How would that work though?” it said. I pushed it aside and prayed again as I headed to the lifts, briefly perusing the cars outside for my mum’s car whom I had asked to join me at the prayer meeting. Nothing.
I shrugged it off and headed for my lift, determined to get home and have an early dinner. Unfortunately, it took me about 30 minutes to get a ride and make it home – much longer than I had anticipated. When I got home, my mum came to open the front door which surprised me. She doesn’t usually do that. “What happened?” she asked. Now I was confused until she explained. It turns out she intended to come and pick me up but she got home late from her own meeting and so asked my brother to pick me up.
It warmed my heart that she did that. She didn’t have to but that’s her, always looking out for those she loves. Sadly, my brother and I missed each other. He was still out looking for me. I was disappointed. God had answered my prayer but I had missed it! Perhaps that voice of doubt had stopped me from looking around more carefully for my mum’s car. Had God spoken and I had not heard it because I was so determined to get home using my own plan? I remember feeling prompted to look at my phone but I didn’t want to take it out as I walked in the street so I shrugged it off.
Well, lesson well (re)learnt. This was a great reminder for me that when you ask God for something, take the time to wait for His response. Watch, wait, listen and more importantly, be expectant. Don’t rush ahead and try to do it on your own, using your own wisdom. It would be like calling a friend, saying your piece then dropping the call before your friend has an opportunity to respond. Wouldn’t that be silly 😀
Also, it’s not my job to determine if and how God will accomplish something. My finite mind cannot wrap itself around the infinite possibilities the Lord’s mind can see and call into being. He is the God of the impossible. I am reminded of Abraham’s story (Genesis 12 – 18). God promised Him some extraordinary things that would seem impossible to the human mind. Yet Abraham believed those promises, and not only was it credited to him as righteousness, but it all came to pass! Therefore, all I need to do is believe and trust in God’s faithfulness, truthfulness and ability to do what He says.
It came to my attention recently that there may be something going on with my credit record, potentially an incorrect entry or something. While I do not intend to get any credit, I do want a clean record. So, I am trying to rectify the issue, but to do that, I need more information first and that has been proving to be a challenge. Something as simple as getting my record has been like pulling teeth. I have tried a few times and hit a different snag each time.
This morning, after attempting once again to get the information I need and getting nowhere, I started to feel very frustrated. I thought, “Why is this happening!” Then a sense of dread started creeping in and before I knew it, I was feeling sick to my stomach. It wasn’t because of anything tangible, just a strong feeling of uncertainty and worry. I felt a sense of fear and my stomach was churning. I immediately recognised that feeling. I have suffered from anxiety in the past and I can tell when I am starting to get anxious. My mind goes into overdrive and left unchecked, can begin to create all kinds of not-so-good scenarios.
Now, we can agree that that’s not good. The Bible tells us that Jesus came to give us life and life in abundance (John 10:10). It is God’s heart that we should have peace and that “the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard our hearts and our minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:7). God has given us His Spirit (John 14:16)who is an advocate, a helper and a faithful companion in all things and at all times. Through His help, we can embody these qualities which are the fruits of the Spirit in our daily lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23).
When I started to feel anxious and I couldn’t shake it off, I began to reflect on some Biblical truths and found ways, in the moment, to apply them. God has given me victory over depression and anxiety, and has caused me to walk in freedom from anxiety. That’s a story for another day. For today, here are five things that helped me immediately:
1. Practice Gratitude
I was having a cup of tea as I was sending some emails about my issue when I became aware of just how good a cup of tea I had in my hand. “Thank you, Lord, for this delicious tea. It is amazing. Your provision is not lost on me.” It was a simple and effortless expression but I immediately felt so much better. It shifted my focus to God, His goodness, His provision and His presence. I couldn’t help but smile. I started to thank God for other things, delighting in finding reasons to do so. In my moment of frustration, as I was struggling to find words to pray about what was bothering me, I focused on God’s heart for me and His character. It made me more acutely aware that Jesus is with me all the time. He has me and whatever I am facing in the palm of his hands.
2. Worship and Praise
Worshiping God can be like a soothing balm to the soul. We were made to have companionship with God and to glorify Him. Praise and worship ushers in God’s presence and we were designed to enjoy being in God’s presence. When I sing unto God, I feel an unmatched sense of coming home – arriving at the place where I belong, where I find rest, where I am safe and my beloved Love is. God is our friend and our Father, and worshipping Him can not only calm us and draw us closer to Him, it shifts our perspective, what’s happening internally. It also has the power to shift what’s happening externally. God delights when we call out to Him and He responds (Psalm 18:6). It is what we’re meant to do, not remain silent or try to do it without God’s help. (Psalm 14:4, 1 Samuel 12:23, Luke 18:1).
3. Surrender all to God
“Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.” – Psalm 55:22 NIV. God wants us to bring everything to Him, our joys and sorrows, our victories and our failures, our hopes and our dreams, our plans and lack thereof. He wants us to talk to him, to share what’s on my minds, to give to him what bothers us and then be convinced that once we do, He makes a provision and we do not need to worry anymore. This is seldom an easy thing, but I always say, “Just because it is difficult, it does not mean it cannot be done.” Moreover, God is kind enough to give us the strength to do the things we cannot do.
“My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me." 2 Corinthians 12:9 NLT
4. Focus on What’s in Your Control
Quite often, when I feel anxious, it is because I feel a loss of control. Perhaps I want or expect things to turn out a certain way; I’ve made plans and preparations; I’ve put in the effort; I’ve done all that I can and beyond then… A big fat nothing. At times in life, it can feel like all your best efforts amount to naught and it can be unsatisfying or heart-breaking. I have learnt and am still learning to let go. It is helpful to have a sense of awareness of what God is calling me to carry, i.e., what I have the ability and grace [from God] to do. Anything more than that can steal my joy and peace. In the case of my credit record, I called, I sent emails, and I did all I could humanly do. I prayed as I did it and chose to trust God that He’d make a way. The scenarios running through my head were not real or helpful so I rejected them and waited to see what would happen, what God would do. What a turnaround that was for me! The rest of the day went better than I could have hoped.
5. Ask for Support
Last, but not least, we’re also designed to walk in fellowship, in community, in relationship with others. I believe in my heart that God saved and healed me from depression and anxiety, but I have also witnessed how the enemy will attempt to attach what I’ve been freed from back onto me. It was a part of my way of life for so long, so much so that it was like a part of my identity. Even as I write this, my heart goes out to the one reading or hearing this who is still struggling with depression and anxiety. My prayers are with you; I pray that Godspeed healing and freedom in whatever form He wills for you.
With that in mind, I asked a couple of close and trusted friends and family to pray with me. This was especially helpful because, at first, for some reason, I was struggling to pray. Yet prayer is important. Prayer draws me closer to God and unlocks His blessings. It is how I stand firm, hold onto my peace and step into what God has already granted me (Exodus 14:13 -14). Only after thanking God for many unrelated things, worshipping Him and trusting that those who love me including Jesus Himself were interceding on my behalf was I able to see past myself and prayer could flow from my heart. Beloved, hold on to God and to your faith. When you struggle with that, reach out to your community, reach out to Jesus and ask for help.
I felt the slip and heard the crash almost simultaneously. Glass shattered and fell on the counter before me. Some fell on the floor at my feet. My tea canister smashed on an ordinary day in May of 2022. I’d gone to put it back in its place a little too quickly. It slipped from my hand and crashed on the kitchen counter. Annoyance and sorrow rose up in me. Annoyance because I felt like I could have been more careful with it. Sorrow because I liked my tea canister and now it was gone, shattered, one more thing in a string of things I’d lost lately.
Turning over the canister, I assessed the damage. My tea bags were still intact and unspoiled, thank God! I do love my tea… and coffee. Part of the bottom of the tea canister was obliterated. The rest of the canister was surprisingly still in good shape. Annoyance and sorrow. To me, that seemed like a very strong emotional response to a broken tea canister. A little disappointment perhaps but sorrow?! Frustration?! Why was I grieving like this over a tea canister? Then, I realised it was because I’d lost a lot lately and began to recount the losses that made me feel sad.
I lost a set of face masks that I loved. They were soft, slick, fashionable and most importantly, breathable. They fell out of my bag, unnoticed. A comfortable pillow that contoured my face just the way I like got lost during a recent relocation. An old notebook that contained vital information I needed got taken out with the trash because I threw it away before I realized what was in it. As I considered these losses, I thought to myself, yes, they were losses for sure, but did they warrant the strong emotional response I was experiencing?
It was then that it hit me! I was living in an internal reality where I felt like nothing in my life lasts. As I was cleaning the shattered glass, I caught myself telling myself, “Don’t be sad. This world is passing away anyway. That’s how it is.” What I saying to myself was that nothing lasts so I should not be surprised nor take it so hard when I lose something or face change. I also realized that this world view, this internal reality, was birthed out of painful and bigger losses – a job loss, the loss of a beloved daughter, the disappearance of financial security, the passing of my dear dad.
I’ve overcome the loss of friends, of love, of investments, of happiness. I’ve faced it with God and He has brought me through to the other side again and again, but I do not remain untouched. Each time I emerge, I’m not quite the same person as before. I’m stronger, richer, more grounded, and refined. Yet, unnoticed, this idea that nothing in my life lasts has taken root. The idea of losing one more person that I love or one more thing that I enjoy or value confronts me and threatens my joy and sense of security.
But God…
Recently, during a time of prayer and fasting, I was reminded of God’s promise of restoration and protection (Psalm 34, Psalm 91). God promises to give beauty for ashes (Isaiah 61:3), joy for sorrow (Jeremiah 31:13) and to pay back all the years (Joel 2:25-27) that the locusts have eaten i.e. that hardships and misfortune have plundered His children. I remind myself of these promises and hold onto Him who loves me and made those promises out of love. It is not inaccurate to say that this world is passing away. If there is one guarantee that anyone has in this life, it is change. But we can hold onto His promises and unfailing love. He, alone, is unchanging and permanent.
I don’t have to worry about or grieve the impermanence of this world or walk around dreading when the next shoe will drop and neither do you. Change doesn’t have to be fear-inducing. We do not need to become morbid and worry about potential loss which is a natural part of life on Earth. As that old advertising adage goes, “But wait, there is more.” Jesus is the more. He is everlasting, ever-present, all-powerful, faithful and generous.
God always fulfils his promises! I personally believe I shall see them come true and experience his blessing and goodness even in this passing world. The world may be fleeting but God is not! And in Christ, neither am I! His joy and peace and hope and love are everlasting. I hope to have a full life in this world but I do not hold onto it. I hold on to my Father and His promises and that’s enough for me. That certainly brought me comfort that morning when my tea canister broke.
Waiting for anything has become a lost art in this modern world that we live in today. What with the advent of cell phones that enable you, in a matter of seconds, to talk to someone across the globe, jets that can take one to distant continents in hours and microwaveable instant meals. The need for waiting has dimmed.
I have noticed that even for Christians, the idea of waiting on God for answers has become something outdated. We want to approach God like an ATM machine, punch a few buttons (mumble a few words in prayer), out pops our answer and off we go to run errands that we deem more important than sitting at the Lord’s feet and hearing what He has to say to us.
Back home in Zimbabwe, the shortage of basic commodities taught us the art of waiting in long queues to get what we need e.g., salt, sugar, fuel etc. The amount of time and the patience you exercise will depend on how much you value the thing you’re waiting for. In the same way, waiting on God is about commitment and the value we put on what we are waiting for.
It’s also about fellowship, relationship and trust. Waiting is not a waste of precious time nor is it idleness. It’s a show of trust. What you are saying as you wait is that I have made my requests known to my Heavenly Father, and now, in expectancy, I’m waiting for an answer. It’s being fully persuaded that God will come through for us, no matter how long it takes. As we wait, we do not complain, grumble or murmur. We offer the sacrifice of praise and thanksgiving for that which we are fully persuaded that God is preparing for us.
Genesis 8:22 talks of seedtime and harvest time. After planting a seed, there is time that lapses before a harvest. We do not plant in the morning and expect to harvest in the evening. It would look ridiculous for a gardener to plant kale seedlings in the morning then in the evening, place a pot on the stove and head to the garden to harvest the kale for a meal. Yet, at times, this absurdity is reflected in how we pray as children of God. We are impatient for answers and expect them in timing that suits us.
At times, our answers come and the angels do not find us at our posts waiting on God for the answers. We are like a man who goes to draw money at the ATM, places his card in the machine, punches the buttons then walks away in frustration because there has been some delay in the cash coming out. Waiting on God is something we learn as we mature in Him. In this regard, we have an advantage and that advantage is the Holy Spirit, our resident tutor. He teaches us how to pray and imparts the patience to wait on God for the answer.
I have had many chances to learn waiting on the Lord as I have matured in my walk with the Lord. I have prayed for many issues concerning my family or myself. After prayer, I sense a peace in my heart or actually sense that God is saying, “It is done.” However, the physical evidence does not become tangible there and then. I have learnt not to petition God again and again about the same issue but to continue in thanksgiving for the answer until it manifests.
In conclusion, I just want to point out that our God us all-wise and all -knowing. He understands emergencies. There are some one-word or one-sentence prayers we send to God in cases of dire emergency and He responds immediately. For example, in Nehemiah 2:4, while Nehemiah was standing before King Artaxerxes and was asked what he wanted, he sent a quick prayer of guidance to God and was rewarded with an instant answer. Walk in the Spirit and He will be your guide in all you do.
“The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel” (which means “God with us”). Matthew 1:23 NIV
My dad, may he continue to rest in peace, was very much a present father. He was around for the big moments as well as the little ones. He was there to advise, to guide and watch over his own as best as he could. I’ll always remember that fondly, with gratitude, in my heart.
One such moment was when I went to apply for my national ID card. I could very well have done it by myself, but he chose to accompany me to the government offices, contend with the long queues that inevitably come with such places, and hold my hand through it all simply because he could and he wanted to. We stood for what seemed like an eternity in the queue outside the offices until, finally, we made it into the building.
Inside, there was more queueing, but at least this time, there were benches to sit on. Mindful of me, he chose to continue standing instead so I could have a seat. I headed to the seat, and just as I was about to sit, this older gentleman rushed up and sat in the seat my dad had made sure to reserve for me. I was annoyed but I remembered my manners. “Excuse me,” I said, trying to get his attention politely and meekly.
I was ignored. I decided to leave it alone. After all, standing never hurt anybody. Unbeknownst to me, my dad had witnessed the whole thing because he had been standing nearby, a little to the side. “Excuse me,” he said and merely pointed to the bench. “Oh, would you like to sit?” the gentleman quickly and politely responded. “No,” daddy said, now pointing to me, “that’s my daughter.”
The man quickly caught on that he was being called out for what he had just done. My dad did not have to explain further or make a fuss. His authority as an adult and an older man in the patriarchal and hierarchical society I was born into was more than enough. The man apologised and made room for me to sit. I thanked him, sat down, and life went on as it should have to begin with.
That incident jumped at me just now as I was praying about my faith, life, and intimacy with God and His response, as it has been many times, especially lately was, “I am with you.” I have been praying for a deeper and more personal revelation and understanding of what that means. I believe that if I understood that fact a lot better, then some of the fears and worries I face in my day-to-day life wouldn’t exist, or at least they would lose their power over me. I feel that if I understood the implications of God’s presence in a deeply personal and radical way, it would unlock a potential in my spiritual walk I have not attained yet.
So, it is in this context that this story came to mind. I’ve heard that our relationship with our earthy fathers, be they biological or otherwise, can be a blueprint for our relationship with our Heavenly Father, and I’ll have to agree. This incident at the ID issuing office is a case in point. Sometimes, the enemy of our souls attacks us, seeking to gain territory that God has reserved for us. The enemy tries to steal what God has for us right from under us. Yet God will not allow it. As a good and present father who watches over us, He steps in. Just staking His claim on us as His children who belong solely to Him is enough to cause the enemy to fall back and release what is ours.
At other times, circumstances or other people’s actions unseat us. On other occasions, we give up our territory. Perhaps we respond with timidity or make excuses. But God sees it all and fights for us. He responds with grace and justice. He tips the scales in our favour. He does not allow us to be bullied, nor does He allow us to shrink back from our destiny in Him. With authority, He steps in on our behalf because we are His. God, being omnipotent, has the highest authority. No power can stand against Him, and if he is for us, no power can stand against us (Romans 8:31).
The cry of my heart is, “Lord, reveal what it truly means when you say you’re with me.” To me, this memory was a reminder, a glimpse of what it means when God says He is with us. What does “God with us” mean to you? What has God taught you and revealed about this aspect of His? Please share. I would love to hear your thoughts or experiences. Perhaps you have the same desire to know more intimately what the implications of God being with us really are. Stay tuned as I will share what God places on my heart as I continue to believe for that revelation.
May God take you deeper and reveal things you do not know. He says, “Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.” Jeremiah 33:3 NIV
Prayer: Dear Lord Jesus, I thank you that you are ‘Immanuel, Lord with us’. You are my indwelling help and strength through every season of my life. I ask you today for a deep and personal revelation of You. Shine your face upon me and reveal more of your character, your ways and your power. I want to have intimate communion with you and understand more fully what your presence in my life means and looks like practically each day. All glory and praise, dominion and power, honour and strength belong to you. I worship You as Lord of my life and give you thanks. I wait on you with expectant hope as you reveal more of the great and unsearchable things I do not know. Hallelujah and amen
I’m sitting close to the front like I always do, listening to the minister preaching. Today, he’s talking about idols – the things we hold near and dear. The things that can take the place of God.
I listen to him talk about vices, the things that spring to mind first when we think about idolatry. The things that feed our greed or fears or desires so easily. Then he starts talking about the second type of things we idolise, the things that are not as intuitive. He talks about exercise, careers, being a good friend, family, and even worship or ministry. The things that are considered good and even glorify Him, but we have the tendency to make them about us or try to receive from them what we should be receiving from God alone.
In any case, now I’m super attentive, and the message is resonating with me. For example, I find it so easy to get caught up in worship songs as they comfort me, minister to my soul and form part of my day-to-day life. It can be problematic if they start to provide meaning in and of themselves as opposed to drawing me closer to God or worshipping Him. Sometimes, we forget we are lifting up Jesus and honouring Him. It’s about the tune, the melody, the lyrics, the joy of singing, the memories it evokes, and perhaps not as much about Jesus as it should be. Exercise is another big one for me. I confess that I find it a lot easier at times to commit and wake up early for a hike or a morning workout than for Bible reading or time with God.
What about the countless times I’ve cared more about a loved one’s opinion than God’s. It’s ever so subtle, like consulting them first before praying and feeling like you’ve gotten all the counsel you need and you never get to talk to God about it. So now, my interest was piqued as the pastor spoke. Towards the end of the sermon, he asked everyone to consider what they’ve been idolising, especially the subtle and virtuous things we don’t realise we put before God. Is it a spouse? Is it friendship? Is It work? Is it being a worship leader? Is it being a minister? Is it a child? And there it was…
“Okay, Father Dad, I am giving her to you. I still hope and pray you’ll bring miraculous healing but she is yours. I surrender her to you.”
God spoke to me in that moment and brought the baby I was carrying to mind. She was suffering from a fatal disease in utero, but up till then, I had been praying and believing for a miracle. It was towards the end of the pregnancy, just over a month to go. And clear as day, I heard my Heavenly Father say to me, “Give her to me.” Still, quiet, gentle but unmistakable. “Give her to me.” I was shocked. I turned it this way and that way in my head. I stored it in my heart and wrestled with it all the way home, but by the time I arrived home, I had a response. “Okay, Father Dad, I am giving her to you. I still hope and pray you’ll bring miraculous healing but she is yours. I surrender her to you.”
Funny that, isn’t it? She was already His. Entrusted to me for a time but, ultimately, she was already His and here I was, wrestling to give back what wasn’t mine to begin with. A week later, I was in hospital, water broken. She was coming! The week had been the hardest week. I was sad. I was depressed. I just knew in my soul that I wouldn’t get to keep her. Though I had willingly given my daughter to her Heavenly Father, it hurt like nothing I had ever experienced before or since. Another week passed and she was born on a surreal Friday and went home to heaven to be with her Heavenly Father. I told her we would see each other again and sing a thousand hallelujahs on the other side of the veil.
I would like to believe she was a worshipper of note. She always moved a lot during praise and worship in church or when I was upset. That may seem like nothing but not for her. Because of her condition, she couldn’t and didn’t move much. I believe she was such an empath and she loved to praise her Father. Many, many years have passed since that Friday, since that promise. Today, I was reminded of it because of a TV show – someone going through my story, right down to the baptism of her baby soon after birth before the baby passed.
A couple of things stood out to me. Though my eyes welt up with tears a little bit, there was no pain. All I could say was God, you are good, through it all. The fact that I am no longer bent and broken inside and I can think of her fondly, feeling blessed can only be God. I didn’t know what was going to happen. I didn’t know whether I was going to be okay. Lots of advice and choices came my way but there was one choice I made that made all the difference – faith in Jesus and His faithfulness. He came through again and again. He is still doing so.
God is a good father. He showed up and taught me He is trustworthy. He showed me that He is the Good Shepherd. He introduced Himself as the lover of my soul, Faithful and True, Saviour King, Redeemer, ever-present Help and so much more. I chose to believe Him and, my oh my, He is the gift that keeps on giving all manner of goodness.
Are you in a storm today? Perhaps you’re searching for answers? Who do you commit your plans to? Have you put your hopes, dreams, desires in things – maybe even good things – but something tells you that’s not “IT”, there has to be more? Or maybe you needed a reminder today – a story like mine? I urge you to make a choice. Choose Jesus. Ask Him to introduce Himself to you and show you who He is if you don’t know Him. Perhaps you do but your perspective of Him is dulled and skewed by life or pain or too many voices or other choices.
Invite Him in once more. Ask Him to do what only He can, what only He knows you need from Him.
For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus. Romans 3:23-24
It was a day like any other. Mummy went to work as usual, had an uneventful day there and returned home. When she went to get her handbag, though, she couldn’t find it. She was not alarmed at first. She was sure she’d just placed it somewhere absentmindedly and would soon find it.
A Missing handbag
“Have you seen my handbag?” she asked me. I hadn’t but I, too, was not alarmed. “Have you checked the car,” I responded. “Yes, I have and it’s not there.” I started to help her look for it all over the house, retracing her steps. We were so sure it was in the house somewhere. Nothing. After a little while, it became clear the handbag was not in the house or the car so she called her workplace.
By this time, we were slightly worried. There were valuables in the bag including her wallet with all her bank cards, ID and a good amount of cash. She also had three mobile phones in the bag, one of which belonged to my recently deceased father. See, we had been looking for contacts that he kept such as the plumber, electrician, and handyman he used regularly among other important details for service providers, his friends and associates.
We had just found them on his secondary phone (he had two) and we were elated. We had been struggling with getting hold of certain service providers and really feeling the gap that he left behind. Anyway, she called work and they promised to search and call her back. They thoroughly searched her office and the entire premises – it was not found. We prayed that the bag and its contents would turn up. Then it dawned on her…
She had been called in to work for an emergency that morning and in her hurried state to attend to the emergency, she must have left the bag in the car and the car unlocked. Needless to say, we were devastated. She had just gotten the cash for something important, not to mention the irreplaceable phone and books she had in there. We kept praying and, in my frustration, I said, “Whoever took that bag should know that such actions do not bring blessings.”
Grace After Loss
I even started to say out loud that they shouldn’t expect to progress or prosper in life if that is how they went about things but God would not let me. He would not let me criticise the person any further or speak about their future in that way. He checked me so clearly, and I was surprised. He knew the hurt I was feeling at losing something that belonged to my dad, something that couldn’t be replaced, something that we needed at that time. He knew the need we had for that cash. He knew how difficult it is to replace cards, IDs and driving licenses. He was fully aware and He was… What?
He was showing grace and asking me to do the same. He placed on my heart that I did not know the person who took the bag or their circumstances and what led them to commit what was probably an act of desperation. We all fail, make wrong choices and fall short. This person needed grace not judgement, and certainly not judgement from me, one who falls short too. Saying what I was saying, thinking what I was thinking, was not going to change my situation or make me feel better – at least in the long term. What it would do is potentially harden my heart towards someone and place distance between me and God. And my Heavenly Father was having none of that!
So, I repented, changed my stance and shared with my mum what I’d heard God say to me.
Guess, what?! She felt God was placing the same message of grace on her heart too! And so, we placed our trust in Him in the matter and carried on with the day. Not too long after that, my mum received a call from someone she did not know. Turns out this man was a pastor, like my mum, and saw a handbag lying in a ditch next to the road. He was hesitant at first but something prompted him to pick it up and open it. He found my mum’s business card inside – her pastoral card – and decided to call her.
We went to meet him in the city centre, which in itself was not an easy feat because he had quite a busy day and had to go out of his way to ensure he got the bag back to us. He later shared that when he saw that the bag belonged to a fellow pastor, he was so moved and he knew he had to get the handbag back to us at all costs. We briefly shared the story of how the bag went missing, how God showed grace to the person who stole the bag in the first place and how He orchestrated that mummy get the handbag back through a fellow pastor.
God’s Grace is Sufficient
The cash was missing from the bag, and so were the phones. In the place of hurt and disappointment though, a newfound grace for the perpetrator, trust in God’s provision and sustenance, and peace through it all had taken deep root. When I shared the story with my Bible study group, all were amazed at the turn of events, at how God led with grace in such a situation and caused us to do the same, thereby bringing Glory to God. This was about four years ago but it still stands as a powerful testimony to me and my family.
I hope that by sharing this story with you, it also stands as a powerful testimony to you about the unmerited grace God gives us and perhaps those that have wronged or hurt us. It is not always easy to accept or to give, especially in light of accountability, justice and restitution. However, these things are not mutually exclusive. God is just and merciful. God is the bringer of both justice and grace. It is for us to follow His example and be led by Him because only he can see the complete story, the past, the present and the parts that are still to be written.
Jesus died for our sins, knowing full well how undeserving we all are. I mean, that was the whole point. So, reflect on the level of grace in your life. Let God’s grace grab ahold of your heart. Let Him show you how to walk in grace, if you aren’t doing so already. Accept the grace God has freely given, and grant yourself and others grace when you or they falter. 2 Corinthians 9:8 ESV says God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things, at all times, you may abound in every good work. Only God can supply the desire, the strength and skill to live a live that is worthy of Him.
He has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time. 2 Timothy 1:9
It’s a cold, cloudy and windy but beautiful Sunday. I had a late night last night watching series. At some point, I told myself that I should sleep because I would struggle to wake up in time for church the next day. Yet I carried on watching nonetheless. A slight pang of guilt stabbed at me. I brushed it aside. I set my mind on attending church online instead of going in physically the next day. Interestingly, I woke up in good time for church today. One of the first things I did when I woke was draw my curtains. It had been raining last night and it was still overcast and looked like rain.
I reaffirm my decision to attend church online and set about my morning routine before preparing for church. Something is nagging at me though. I realise it is because I didn’t spend quiet time with God yesterday like I intended to. I also come face-to-face with the fact that I have been hiding from God, running from Him. I pause what I am busy with and approach God. I start to talk to Him and as I do, I come to the realisation that I have been trying to do so many things on my own i.e. using my knowledge and capabilities as opposed to relying on God.
“Little flock over here has been trying to fix it and build it herself. I thought I was past that!” I say to God (this is something I have struggled with a lot). No wonder I’ve been avoiding, hiding, running. Realising there are some attitudes, motivations, desires and reasoning that I need to allow God to deal with, to work on, I put on some worship music. I pray as I sing and sing as I pray asking God to prune, mould, and reshape as He sees fit. A sense of peace begins to wash over me. Finally, it is time to attend church online. I have been looking forward to it and worshipping corporately with my church community.
Sadly, there is a technical glitch. Initially, I’m very disappointed and a thought pops into my head, “This wouldn’t have happened if you’d gone to church physically.” I ignore it. Guilt and condemnation are not from God. I decide to load a sermon from a few weeks back that I’d missed at the time. I’m glad I did because several things in that sermon resonated with me. Like me, the preacher had gone through a period of asking God, “What next?” Like me, the preacher had gone through a period of discovering and growing to understand, with God’s help, her gifts, her calling, her identity and her place.
She drew parallels from many women in the Bible (it was a Mother’s Day message) like Mary the mother of Jesus and Elizabeth the mother of John the Baptist. These women had experiences and encounters that may have challenged or confused them. Not only did these women ponder and meditate on these things, they had the blessing of having other women come alongside them and affirm them and the calling Christ had placed on them. She spoke of how we can do the same for others. We can intentionally point the people God has placed in our lives to Jesus Christ.
We can encourage them to become who Christ has called them to be. Likewise, we can allow God to shape us and lead us into who He created us to be more and more. We can connect with Him and discover who we are and understand our calling in Him. It was, once again, a message that felt tailor-made for me for the exact moment I found myself in. I found myself recalling all the times I have asked God what my place and purpose is. Sure, it is to serve and glorify Him, this I know. What I have asked and continue to ask of God is, “Show me what that looks like on a granular level, on a practical level, on a day-to-day basis”.
The sun is out and the weather is mild – not too hot, not too cold, just perfect. There’s a slight breeze blowing every now and then. It is Friday mid-afternoon and the roads are fairly quiet. I decided it was a perfect day for a walk. I wanted to get in a bit of exercise and, usually, I couple that with an errand where possible. I’d run out of sugar and I needed to replace a canister that had broken a couple of days earlier. So, I put on some comfortable walking shoes, grab a mask, and my purse and off I go.
As I walk out of my apartment complex gate, I smile and wave at the security guards at the gate. I always make it a point to greet them. They smile and greet me back, one with a nod and a formal, “Good afternoon,” and the other with a more casual, “Hello, sisi”. I keep smiling as I walk on, thinking about the differences in their personalities. Formal guy takes himself and his job very, very seriously. I noticed this the first time I met him. Casual guy is the embodiment of happy-go-lucky. He never seems to have a bad day.
The first half of my walk goes by fairly quickly. My thoughts turn to an upsetting conversation I’d had earlier. I turn it over this way and that way in my head, processing it. I pray about it briefly then let it go. Next, my thoughts turn to daydreaming. I enjoy creating scenarios in my head, allowing myself to dream. At some point, my attention turns to the people around me. I indulge in some people-watching for some time, another one of my favourite pastimes. People do fascinate me so.
Then I notice the sun is shining directly onto me and I’m getting uncomfortably warm. I cross the road to walk under the shade that the left-hand side of the road offers. I haven’t been to this neighbourhood in a long time and memories flood in from a time in my life when I used to frequent that area almost every day. Looking around, I see so many things have changed and yet many have stayed the same. It is the same with me. In many ways, I have stayed the same, and yet, I have changed in so many other ways.
Finally, I reach my destination and I buy my sugar. While I’m at it, I see some cinnamon sugar that’s reduced to clear next to the regular sugar. I grab the shaker and mentally picture all the things I would do with it. A mental image of a yummy latte with a few shakes of cinnamon sugar causes me to start salivating. Then, I remember that I haven’t eaten all day save for a pear. As I leave the shop, I also remember that I intended to find a quiet space and visit with God. I need to be still in the presence of God, surrendering everything to Him.
It’s so easy to get caught up in your own desires and needs.
I also realise the day will be over soon and if I wait until I get home, this may not happen today. I decide to find my quiet and still space right there during my walk. At first, it isn’t easy, not because of everything going on around me, but because of everything going on within me. I had to admit to God that I was afraid to truly hear what He has to say. What if I don’t like it? I was equally apprehensive about not hearing anything at all. I believe that when we move towards God, He moves near to us (James 4:8) but I was scared nonetheless.
After my daydreaming earlier in my walk, it seemed clear to me that I needed to do more of seeking the kingdom of God first. It’s so easy to get caught up in your own desires and needs. So, I confess these fears and the inner congestion to God. I walk and talk with God, becoming more aware of my inner state of being and of my surroundings as well. I begin to surrender everything to God. How does one surrender? I think I know but I ask God to remind and show me how to surrender, nonetheless, and lead me because I can’t accomplish it without Him.
I walk past a beautiful block of apartments that catches my eye. I chat to God about it as I admire how it’s built. I get distracted for a little while by the people, the cars and everything going on around me. I realise I’m feeling vulnerable, so it is easier to focus on other things. “I will not run away or hide,” I say to God, “I will run to You instead and hide in the shadow of your wings,” (Psalm 91:4). I talk to God some more about my inner-most thoughts. As I walk, I find that I want to keep walking until I find myself in a new place, a place of adventure and discovery, a place of new beginnings…
iBloom for God 