Of mind, heart and soul.

The sun is out and the weather is mild – not too hot, not too cold, just perfect. There’s a slight breeze blowing every now and then. It is Friday mid-afternoon and the roads are fairly quiet. I decided it was a perfect day for a walk. I wanted to get in a bit of exercise and, usually, I couple that with an errand where possible. I’d run out of sugar and I needed to replace a canister that had broken a couple of days earlier. So, I put on some comfortable walking shoes, grab a mask, and my purse and off I go.

As I walk out of my apartment complex gate, I smile and wave at the security guards at the gate. I always make it a point to greet them. They smile and greet me back, one with a nod and a formal, “Good afternoon,” and the other with a more casual, “Hello, sisi”. I keep smiling as I walk on, thinking about the differences in their personalities. Formal guy takes himself and his job very, very seriously. I noticed this the first time I met him. Casual guy is the embodiment of happy-go-lucky. He never seems to have a bad day.

The first half of my walk goes by fairly quickly. My thoughts turn to an upsetting conversation I’d had earlier. I turn it over this way and that way in my head, processing it. I pray about it briefly then let it go. Next, my thoughts turn to daydreaming. I enjoy creating scenarios in my head, allowing myself to dream. At some point, my attention turns to the people around me. I indulge in some people-watching for some time, another one of my favourite pastimes. People do fascinate me so.

Then I notice the sun is shining directly onto me and I’m getting uncomfortably warm. I cross the road to walk under the shade that the left-hand side of the road offers. I haven’t been to this neighbourhood in a long time and memories flood in from a time in my life when I used to frequent that area almost every day. Looking around, I see so many things have changed and yet many have stayed the same. It is the same with me. In many ways, I have stayed the same, and yet, I have changed in so many other ways.

Finally, I reach my destination and I buy my sugar. While I’m at it, I see some cinnamon sugar that’s reduced to clear next to the regular sugar. I grab the shaker and mentally picture all the things I would do with it. A mental image of a yummy latte with a few shakes of cinnamon sugar causes me to start salivating. Then, I remember that I haven’t eaten all day save for a pear. As I leave the shop, I also remember that I intended to find a quiet space and visit with God. I need to be still in the presence of God, surrendering everything to Him.

It’s so easy to get caught up in your own desires and needs.

I also realise the day will be over soon and if I wait until I get home, this may not happen today. I decide to find my quiet and still space right there during my walk. At first, it isn’t easy, not because of everything going on around me, but because of everything going on within me. I had to admit to God that I was afraid to truly hear what He has to say. What if I don’t like it? I was equally apprehensive about not hearing anything at all. I believe that when we move towards God, He moves near to us (James 4:8) but I was scared nonetheless.

After my daydreaming earlier in my walk, it seemed clear to me that I needed to do more of seeking the kingdom of God first. It’s so easy to get caught up in your own desires and needs. So, I confess these fears and the inner congestion to God. I walk and talk with God, becoming more aware of my inner state of being and of my surroundings as well. I begin to surrender everything to God. How does one surrender? I think I know but I ask God to remind and show me how to surrender, nonetheless, and lead me because I can’t accomplish it without Him.

I walk past a beautiful block of apartments that catches my eye. I chat to God about it as I admire how it’s built. I get distracted for a little while by the people, the cars and everything going on around me. I realise I’m feeling vulnerable, so it is easier to focus on other things. “I will not run away or hide,” I say to God, “I will run to You instead and hide in the shadow of your wings,” (Psalm 91:4). I talk to God some more about my inner-most thoughts. As I walk, I find that I want to keep walking until I find myself in a new place, a place of adventure and discovery, a place of new beginnings…

Love,