A beautiful yet unexpected thing happened to me recently.
I was sitting in class at Bible college, listening to the final teaching for the day. While it was a great class, it wasn’t out of the ordinary as far as classes at the college go. They’re consistently rich and engaging.
Because I always walk away blessed after each teaching, I’m usually expectant when I listen to them. Yet, I didn’t anticipate what happened next…
As I was taking notes, I felt God gently drawing my attention. He prompted me to stop writing and simply pay attention. His “drawing my attention” feels like everything around me fading into the background, becoming ‘distant’ and less important as my awareness shifts.
Everything within becomes still and quiet – my thoughts, my emotions – as my focus automatically rests on something very specific. And so, that happened as I stopped writing. I thought the next thing(s) the speaker would say would jump out at me and perhaps become more meaningful and personal to me.
Instead, I felt something bubbling and rising up inside. It was the unmistakable, lavish, and deep love of God flooding me.
It’s hard to explain, but I’ll do my best. It felt like a warmth welling up within me and radiating outwards to my whole body, and a cool sensation resting on me externally – especially around my arms and skin. Yet it was so much more than just a sensation or feeling. It felt like pure love filling me up.
I could feel my heavenly Dad’s presence so strongly that tears filled my eyes, and I remember saying to Him, “I’m coming undone.” Yet, it wasn’t like I was unravelling – it felt like I was opening up. As I leaned into the moment and let it wash over me, God’s love and presence and joy soaked my soul. It felt like such an affirmation. Like being chosen. Like being seen.
It felt like being known more intimately than I can even fathom. It felt entirely new and yet so familiar.
Afterwards, I went back to my notes to look at what was being said when this happened. Had Jesus been drawing me to a specific message in the teaching? But I sensed God saying that it wasn’t about the lesson specifically. He was making His manifest presence known and blessing my heart simply because He wanted to. He just wanted to affirm me and pour out His love on me.
It was a beautiful expression of unfailing love for love’s sake alone.
Today, out of the blue, I found myself reflecting on the special bond between a grandparent and a grandchild – more specifically, a grandmother and granddaughter. Naturally, my thoughts turned to my Bestie, remembering her fondly. While the memory brought a tear or two to my eyes, it didn’t carry the same pain or guilt or condemnation I carried just four months ago.
When she passed, the pain of grief came, as it does. That’s natural. As a Christian, a woman whose confidence and faith are anchored in Christ and the life eternal He promises, I grieved with expectant hope. It wasn’t a crippling grief. But there was another kind of pain I carried, though – one that lingered for months.
I struggled with the fact that I wasn’t there to close her eyes when the time came.
I was nearly 900km away when then. Messages came in from my family with her: She is deteriorating rapidly; she is very sick. I began making plans to travel to her, and I prayed.
Then came another message – this time from God: Pray for healing.
I was surprised. She was almost 97, and to my understanding, people her age didn’t recover from stroke and serious illness. It seemed unlikely. Yet, I believed and I rejoiced. I prayed for healing as instructed and watched and waited to see what God would do.
He came through – she improved for some time.
But then, she declined again. The day before she passed, I called home. Something told me to ask my mum to place the phone next to her ear so I could speak to her. I didn’t. I figured it might strain her. I wasn’t even sure she could hear me. Little did I know that that was the last opportunity I’d have to speak with her.
The next day, the news of her transition to glory came.
That was about a week before I was set to travel home. Instead, I travelled that same day, my heart broken that I didn’t get to see her one last time, and she didn’t get to see me in her hour of need. That thought stayed with me for months – six, to be exact.
It brought guilt. Questions. I questioned whether I’d heard correctly from my Heavenly Dad. I questioned my ability to discern His voice. I even questioned the state of my heart. I replayed everything, over and over, trying to make sense of it all. I prayed for answers and none seemed to come. But I knew better.
I knew Who to turn to and why. I didn’t lose faith, although I did not feel as secure in it as before. I kept going to church. I kept reading my Bible. I kept praying through the difficulty. I chose to hold on to God, knowing He’s dependable and makes no mistakes. I even continued to I believe what I heard Him say. I told myself, “Healing comes in many forms.” Yet, at times, my mind would wage war against me as I reflected on the whole matter.
But God…
God proved stronger than every thought, every doubt, every ache I carried. He is still in the business of binding up the broken-hearted and comforting those who weep (Isaiah 61:1 NKJV). He still brings back to life that which is dead; He still mends that which is broken (Psalm 147:3 NIV). In my life, God has taught me – and He’s taught me well – that He is the answer.
Jesus is the answer to it all.
He’s the One. He alone is my inheritance, my portion. He is my defence, my fortress, my stronghold. In Him, I find everything I need. He provides what I don’t know how to ask for, and what I don’t even yet realize I need. He is my treasure, my source. He is my answer to every question, every need, every situation.
And so, I cried out to the Lord, and He heard me! It wasn’t a one-time moment this time, although in the past, it has been. I returned to the throne of my King again and again, weeping at His feet. In my mind, I knew for a fact that I carried no guilt. Yet my heart needed the touch of my Master Physician, Jehovah Rapha. And He met me there!
Sometime in December, during church service, I cried one last time. And in that moment, I just knew – I was leaving it all at the altar. I walked out feeling renewed and refreshed. The thing which had held this power over me lost all its power. I was smiling again, deep, genuine joy radiating from within. I once again felt the lightness of being and freedom that only Christ can bring.
Truth be known, God had been offering that peace and freedom all along. Until the end of time, that offer remains!
It’s yours and mine for the taking. I encourage you, if you need it, reach out and receive it. If something stands in your way – guilt or condemnation or regret or erroneous thinking – keep crying out to the Lord. His mercy is great. He will surely answer your call:
For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him! Matthew 7: 8-11 NKJV
I was born again in 2010, but my journey really began years before that.
As far back as high school, I carried a deep sense that something was missing. I used to feel like I was searching for something and I was just not finding it. It wasn’t something I could grasp or easily explain, but it stayed with me—persistent and unrelenting. I felt like I was searching for something, yet I couldn’t quite grasp what it was.
Having grown up in a Christian home, I had seen my mum’s relationship with God. That inspired me to search for the same. I started going to church more and reading my Bible more. Deep down, I believed the missing link lay somewhere in those pages. And yet, I still couldn’t find it. One day, I came across a passage that perfectly captured what I was feeling:
All night long on my bed I looked for the one my heart loves; I looked for him but did not find him. I will get up now and go about the city, through its streets and squares; I will search for the one my heart loves. So I looked for him but did not find him... - Song of Solomon 3:1-4 NIV
I was elated! This truly expressed the feeling I had been carrying. I was looking for something precious but it eluded me. I had been looking for the One my heart loves but, try as I might, I couldn’t find Him.
The Night Everything Changed
Years passed. More than a decade after high school, maybe 12 or 13 years, I was still searching. I remember I used to attend Bible studies, church services, read my Bible and pray. Yet, I always felt I was missing something. Then, one night in 2010, I attended a Bible study. I remember feeling frustrated and disengaged, thinking, “I’ve heard all this before.”
Nonetheless, I stayed and I paid attention. Suddenly, something clicked!! Words I had heard countless times before suddenly took on a deeper meaning. The message of Jesus—why He came into the world, what He did—suddenly made sense. It wasn’t just information anymore. It was revelation.
The best way I can describe it is like I had been wrestling with a math problem. I knew the answer but I didn’t know how to work it out, how to arrive at the answer. Then suddenly, understanding dawned. I got it! I finally comprehended! On the way home, I cried tears of joy. I kept saying to my friend, “I get it! Something has happened—I get it now!”
On Fire… Then Fading
After that encounter, life felt different. Brighter. Full of purpose. I was on fire for Jesus and it was awesome. A new world of possibilities opened up to me. The world seemed brighter. I saw many changes in me, big and small. I was changed and I knew it. It changed how I spoke to people, how I saw the world, how I felt and how I lived. I served, volunteered, attended courses, and immersed myself in church life. I was hungry for God and consumed everything I could.
However, after a few years, I began to notice a pattern emerge…
I would go through seasons of fire and passionate living for Christ. Then that would wane and I would experience lukewarmth and dryness where fire once was. Then, something would stir me again – a word from God, a time at home with my prayerful mum, a bad thing happening to me, or a great thing happening to me.
I would awaken as though from some kind of slumber. My faith would receive a new lease on life and I would be on fire again. Yet, the cycle would repeat. While I never lost my faith, I wasn’t fruitful or growing. I knew there had to be more.
A Sign I Couldn’t Ignore
Around 2024, about 14 years since I got born again, I found myself in the same cycle as before. I was like the church in Laodicea. I was painfully aware of my state, perhaps not the full extent, but I knew something had to give. I was miserable, and my life was beginning to reflect the years of internal struggle. One day, I was on my way to do something that I knew I shouldn’t be doing. It was not bringing me closer to God but creating distance.
I was riding in a car and we passed a familiar corner near my home. I had seen it countless times before. But this time was different. A Charis Bible College sign jumped out at me. I was surprised. “Has that always been there? How have I never noticed it?” I quickly took out my phone to take a picture. I remember saying a quick prayer that the traffic light would stay red long enough for me to do so. It did and I happily took the picture.
However, I went on with my day and soon forgot all about it.
A Series of “Coincidences”
Not long after that, a friend asked me if I knew of a good Bible college. She was considering joining a Bible college to improve her faith and knowledge. So, I told her that I had recently seen one near my house. That something about it stood out to me. I also told her that I knew nothing about the college. So, I couldn’t recommend it one way or the other but it was worth looking into.
I sent her the picture I had and promised to also look into it. Then, I forgot about it again. This happened around mid-October 2024. The festive season came round and I visited my mum in Zimbabwe. We enjoyed watching faith programs together. One day, Andrew Wommack, one of the preachers we both enjoyed gave a teaching. At the end of the program, an advert came on. For Charis Bible College! That got my attention.
I had no idea that Andrew Wommack was the founder of the same college I had seen on that sign months earlier. I had yet another moment of thinking, “How come I had never seen this before?” I enjoyed watching Andrew’s sound teachings now and then but I had no idea up until that moment.
I shared with my mum how I had seen the Bible college in Johannesburg and how it had caught my interest. She encouraged me to reach out to them. This time, I didn’t miss the opportunity. I sent an email to Charis South Africa.
When God Confirms a Step
To our surprise, the very next day, Charis Bible College Zimbabwe reached out to my mum. I was in the garden and she came to me and asked, “Did you give that college my contact details?” “No. Why do you ask?” I responded. It turns out that they’d just invited her to an open day in Bulawayo, Zimbabwe. We still don’t know how she got on their mailing list. Perhaps it’s because she’s a pastor who operates in the city. I figured it could only be God’s leading.
We registered and attended the open day on 24 January 2025. Even though we only made it to the evening session, it was powerful. The main speaker, Bongani Msibi, opened with a simple but profound statement:
“God brought you here tonight for a reason.”
I knew it was true, and when I later shared this with mummy, she said the same thing. That night, I decided I would enrol with Charis Bible College. And in March 2025, I did.
Not Perfect, But Purposeful
It has not been smooth sailing, but it has been full of God. After enrolling, I was on excited and on fire. Yet, due to both personal struggles and circumstances, it took nine months before I actually began my first lesson. I slipped back into familiar cycles.
As the year 2025 was drawing to a close, I asked God what I should focus on next. His response was gentle but clear—just one word: “Charis“. There was no condemnation in His voice. Just the love, patience, and guidance of a good and perfect Father.
My Father revealed to me that I rely on my feelings a lot, something He is now transforming. Not long after that, Andrew Wommack taught on the exact same thing. Through the teachings at Charis, I’ve begun to understand that my roots were not as deep as they needed to be. And so, I struggled in my walk with Christ. I wanted to operate in Jesus’ rest, but I was going about it the wrong way.
God is healing some deep-seated issues, such as feelings of unworthiness, people-pleasing and striving. He is changing how I see myself and others, not through effort, but through His work in me. I am rediscovering just how Faithful and True my Dad is.
See, the desire to attend a Bible college was planted in me when I first got saved. I wanted to grow in the Word and be effective in whatever God called me to do. Though I kept this desire in the back of my mind, Jesus never did.
He reminded me. He positioned me. He called me.
And I have seen Him do some amazing things in the 1.5 months I have been doing classes online.
I cannot wait to see and experience all He has for me. I am so excited for all that lies ahead!
Look! I stand at the door and knock.
If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in,
and we will share a meal together as friends.
Revelations 3:20 NLT
The year was 2010. I had been regularly attending a church close to my apartment called Kenilworth Community Presbyterian Church. In fact, I was regularly attending three churches at the time because I was looking for a church community to join but that’s a story for another day. The church was running a group bible study called The Truth Project by Focus on the Family. The Truth Project is a foundational course that considers various aspects of life from a Biblical perspective. It’s a 13-week course and I must have attended it between March and May, thereabouts. It was a week night and I had managed to persuade my friend and flat mate to join me for the series.
Kenilworth Community Presbyterian Church
Now, if you’ve been following my blog, you’ll recall that from a young age, I have felt a longing, a questioning, and a seeking that I just couldn’t fully explain or express. If you haven’t, I recommend that you read the story Him Whom My Heart Loves for a bit more insight into that. At the time that I was attending these three churches, my longing, questioning, and searching had deepened. I was more than a little frustrated by this time because I just couldn’t satiate it. I still couldn’t quite find the meaning of life as it were. I think that was one of my main motivating factors for joining the bible study. I was very restless and unsettled and I felt like something had to give.
The first topic on the first night of Bible study was Truth. I remember I was feeling a bit jaded and though I was listening, I was rolling my eyes internally. The study started very predictably, at least in my mind, with the question, “Why was Jesus born?” I thought that I had heard it all before and that it was the same story told in a slightly different way and I guess I felt “over it”. Yet for whatever reason, I listened and remained engaged albeit half-heartedly. We had a short discussion around the question before listening to a prepared response. When the speaker said that Jesus was born to testify to the truth, that piqued my interest quite a bit.
It wasn’t the first time that I was hearing a lot of what was being presented; however, it took on a deeper meaning for me. I suddenly had insight and understanding that I previously did not have. Sure, I knew the Biblical stories and the meaning behind them. I believed the Bible and tried to apply it to my life as best as I could. That evening, it was as though the stories I was hearing and the meaning behind them became clearer. It was as though my mind was “unlocked” and puzzle pieces fell into place so that I could see a full picture. I didn’t know what was happening but I knew something was happening. I could feel a shift within me.
I found myself listening more attentively and soaking in what was being said. I just could not get enough of it. Later that night, as my friend and I went home, I remember crying inexplicably. I cried out of joy and a sense of relief. I remember saying to her, “I get it now! Something happened and I get it.” I’m not sure whether I fully realised that night that I had just been saved. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that something significant had happened. I felt different. I began to see the world differently almost immediately. I knew there was a shift within me. I think a part of me did know that I had just been saved but I did not want to label it.
See, I had been a Christian all my life. I had responded “yes” many times before when I was asked if I wanted to give my life to Jesus. I would say the words to confirm it yet it felt meaningless afterwards. I had a relationship with God yet I’d always felt like something was missing. A few years earlier, I had asked a Christian neighbour who I was friendly with how someone knows that they are saved. She had simply said, “You would know.” I found her response troubling and unsettling because I wasn’t sure whether I was saved or not. I was not confident that I was in good standing with God. And so that night, when I was confident that a shift had happened within me, I was reluctant to label it like I’d done before.
I wanted to see how the experience would change me and my life. Would it be yet another meaningless encounter or was this truly different? Over the days, weeks, and months that followed, it became more and more clear that I had had a real encounter with God that night. As I prayed and read my Bible, I continued to gain insight and understanding. The shift within me wasn’t a temporary or passing phase. It translated to outward change. I started talking, thinking, and acting differently. I became more confident in my good standing with God. One of the first people I couldn’t wait to tell was my mum. She is a woman of faith and one of my role models, both spiritually and in general.
I remember telling her over the phone and describing, in as much detail as I could, what had happened to me. She laughed with joy because one of her many prayers had been answered. As I listened to her laugh and celebrate and thank God I had been saved, I couldn’t help but imagine the level of celebration and joy in heaven as well. One more sheep had been found and brought into the fold. And that, my friends, is how I met Jesus – Him whom my heart loves. I knew of Him. I had a relationship with Him. I thought I knew Him and in a way I did. However, I had a personal encounter with Him that night that changed me and my life. It set me on a different trajectory for which I am eternally grateful.
iBloom for God 